Sunday, March 23, 2003

Get Your Prayer Shield Up Pat Robertson, perhaps in the top ten of my least favorite people, has called on America to raise its Prayer Shield of Protection.  He declares that we "are in the midst of perilous times" and that we need to pray "a shield of protection and righteousness across our beloved America." Best part of this call to shields is that you must let God know you "mean business."  Let the Almighty know you ain't screwin' around this time.  Even though God is omnipotent and all, he still needs you to make clear to him that this time you really, really mean it.  To prove that, Pat suggests you skip a TV show, lunch, or do "whatever God may lead you to do." Of course we all remember plenty instances of kooks who use the excuse that they are only doing "whatever God may lead you to do." Here are a few of Pat's other bright ideas: "The Constitution of the United States, for instance, is a marvelous document for self-government by the Christian people. But the minute you turn the document into the hands of non-Christian people and atheistic people they can use it to destroy the very foundation of our society. And that's what's been happening." -- Pat Robertson, The 700 Club, Dec. 30, 1981. Screw the separation of church and state!  I keep forgetting this country is only for Christians.  I'll try and keep my hands off your Constitution, Pat. "It is interesting, that termites don't build things, and the great builders of our nation almost to a man have been Christians, because Christians have the desire to build something. He is motivated by love of man and God, so he builds. The people who have come into (our) institutions (today) are primarily termites. They are into destroying institutions that have been built by Christians, whether it is universities, governments, our own traditions, that we have.... The termites are in charge now, and that is not the way it ought to be, and the time has arrived for a godly fumigation."--Pat Robertson, New York Magazine, August 18, 1986 Damn, sounds like he wants to kill anyone who isn't Christian.  How very Christian of him.  Time for me to keep an eye out for one of his fumigators and look like I'm busy building something. "Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history."--Pat Robertson, 1993 interview with Molly Ivins Oh boy.  Christians had it just as bad during the 1990s as the Jews did during the holocaust?  Christians have had it worse than "any minority in history"?  I feel so bad now.  I'm going to hug the first Christian I see and apologize. "I think 'one man, one vote,' just unrestricted democracy, would not be wise. There needs to be some kind of protection for the minority which the white people represent now, a minority, and they need and have a right to demand a protection of their rights."--Pat Robertson, "The 700 Club," 3/18/92 Now Pat wants to take away the right for blacks, hispanics, asians, green people, and other non-whites to vote.  Not too racist, is he? Now Pat, why is the sky blue? "I think the sky is blue because it's a shift from black through purple to blue, and it has to do with where the light is. You know, the farther we get into darkness, and there's a shifting of color of light into the blueness, and I think as you go farther and farther away from the reflected light we have from the sun or the light that's bouncing off this earth, uh, the darker it gets . . . I think if you look at the color scale, you start at black, move it through purple, move it on out, it's the shifting of color. We mentioned before about the stars singing, and that's one of the effects of the shifting of colors." Thanks for clearing that up. "The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians." -- Pat Robertson, fundraising letter, 1992 Damn! "I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period."--Pat Robertson, "The 700 Club," 1/8/92 That's just Pat keepin' it real! But then Pat isn't the only loose nut shooting off his mouth: "I don't know that atheists should be considered citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God."-- George Bush, 1987. And people wonder why I'm not a big fan of the Bushes.  The apple hasn't fallen far from the tree. For further amusement (or despair), here is a nice collection of absurd religious quotes.  Good night. 9:49:28 PM     |

I Am Trying To Break Your Heart Wilco's Yankee Hotel Foxtrot has been a fixture of my cd player for the past couple of months.  Great cd to listen to as you drive around disolate areas (re: my hometown).  As the Amazon.com review says, it "sounds like a late-night broadcast of some weirdly wonderful pop station punctuated by static and the sonic bleed of competing signals."  Rolling Stone writes that Wilco "bring you the enchanting sound of things falling apart -- and gingerly, doggedly coming together again. This is an honest, vivid chaos, and it tells a good story." My favorite song off the album is "I Am Trying To Break Your Heart."  Great, slightly opaque lyrics with the sound of someone's heart caving-in from the four minute mark on.  If you don't have this album, you should. "I Am Trying To Break Your Heart" I am an American aquarium drinker I assassin down the avenue I'm hiding out in the big city blinking What was I thinking when I let go of you? Let's forget about the tongue-tied lightning Let's undress just like cross-eyed strangers This is not a joke, so please stop smiling What was I thinking when I said it didn't hurt? I want to glide through those brown eyes dreaming Take it from the inside, baby hold on tight You were so right when you said that I've been drinking What was I thinking when we said good night? I want to hold you in the Bible-black predawn You're quite a quiet domino, bury me now Take off your Band-Aid because I don't believe in touchdowns What was I thinking when I said hello? I'd always thought that if I held you tightly You'd always love me like you did back then Then I fell asleep and the city kept blinking What was I thinking when I let you back in? I am trying to break your heart I am trying to break your heart But still I'd be lying if I said it wasn't easy I am trying to break your heart Disposable Dixie-cup drinking I assassin down the avenue I'm hiding out in the big city blinking What was I thinking when I let go of you? Loves you I'm the man who loves you 1:46:47 PM     |

My Love/Hate Relationship I love my computer.  I really do.  It's been good to me.  Up until now.  I don't know why, but the Ethernet connection to my computer just isn't working.  It hasn't been working for a few weeks now.  Without that, my DSL modem is useless. I was on the phone with tech support last night.  We trouble-shot for about an hour to no avail.  Then scheduled an appointment for a technician to call me this morning (didn't happen till almost 5 p.m.).  He couldn't help me.  Then I was told I could have someone come out to my place during the week, but since I live in a "remote location" (technician's choice of words -- not mine), I would pay $60 for the pleasure, and more money if the problem was my computer rather than the modem or phone line.  Bastards. Hence the reason I haven't been posting much the last few days.  Or responding to emails, if that's what you're waiting on.  I've been too busy trying everything I can think of to get my DSL modem back up and running.  I'm now this close to buying a new computer.  I keep thinking that this is some elaborate ploy to get me into a Best Buy.  Just can't make up my mind as to whether that's the right thing to do or not. Oh, what do you care?  You just want something to kill your Sunday with.  How about: loop labs Play slot car Play Saddam Games Tour a huge colon Buy a Shock & Awe T-shirt Find out why my state is #1 in executions Learn why having the name Slutsky just isn't bad enough I'll let you know how my 'puter woes turn out.  Time for bed. 1:07:25 AM     |

© Copyright 2005 Alex L. Mauldin.