Monday, September 06, 2004

Educate Thyself As I put together my classroom today (school starts tomorrow... yippie), I realized there was so much I don't know.  So much knowledge out there floating in the ether that just hasn't blown my way.  So much to learn, and really, who has the time to learn it all? No one, frankly.  So that's why you must pick and choose what is worth knowing and what you can go to your grave without.  But that entails some tough decisions.  Really tough ones.  Never fear, though.  I'm here to separate the crucial from the crap.  I'm going to get you out of the corner of life, and within minutes you'll find yourself noticeably more learned and the world that much nicer a place. Now by no means is this a complete list.  Nope.  Not even close.  But in my professional judgement, this is the really important stuff. 2000 Uses for WD40:  Now you can maybe get by without knowing all of them, but do so at your own risk. 101 Uses for Duct Tape:  Not as handy, but does a better job at helping patch a hole in a water hose than WD40. How to Escape from a Car Hanging Over a Cliff:  I can't tell you how many times I've almost needed to know this. DFL:  Lists and celebrates all the people who came in last at the Athens Olympics.  Sure, most people can tell you who won the all-around gymnastics gold medals, but can you tell me who came in dead last?  Didn't think so. Two Things:  The two things you really need to know about dozens of areas.  For instance, the two things you really need to know about English Literature:  1)  The text is really about writing.  2)  Writing is really about sex.  (Christ, I've been teaching it wrong all this time!) Ten Important Things Your Dog Wants You To Know:  Oddly, the glory of sniffing butts isn't on the list. How To Sell Your Soul To The Devil:  Just in case hard work and determination aren't getting you what you want out of life. How To Fish:  Give a man a fish, he eats for today.  Teach a man to fish, you can sell him really expensive equipment and then you don't have to sell your soul to the devil. Know When to Quit:  Right here, I suppose. 5:24:21 PM     |

© Copyright 2005 Alex L. Mauldin.