I arrived at my 35th birthday with few friends. Mine is not an unusual story. Work, family, community and other great obligations can consume untold amounts of time. A year earlier the call of school got to me and I began a full-time career as a student. I didn't think anything was missing from my life. Things changed.

For one thing, I found myself terminated from my domestic gig. Cut loose, with a lot of free time to think, read, contemplate. I was open to new ideas. I needed a change. That's when Byron entered my life. He helped me to understand a few things. First, it is important to have male friends (speaking from a male perspective.) Second, it's essential, for normal human development, to have one or more mentors.

Since then I've been blessed with a number of great friends. Mikey, Mark, Bob, Steve, Adam, Dean, Tom, Dan, to name just a few. With these friends I've become an acceptable fisherman, improved my golfing skills, spent many hours learning the finer points of carpentry, shot a good bit of pool, and traveled to Alaska, Arizona, California and the back woods of Idaho.

More importantly, the past decade has presented me with the opportunity to develop mentoring relationships. What is the difference between a friend and a mentor? Mostly, it's age. Friends are usually close to a person in age. Also, there is usually an equality in social and economic standing. It's a peer relationship in most respects.

A mentor generally will be older. It is almost essential that this is the case. Byron explained to me that his mentor was a 73 year-old gentleman. Byron was 48 at the time.

I'm really fortunate to have acquired two mentors over the past decade. Both are older than me by at least a 10 years. Both have helped me through good times and bad. Both have given me advice as I've changed jobs and moved to Idaho and back. Both are part of my life on a more-or-less constant basis and both are accessible to me at any time of the day or night.

I don't think we've ever discussed their status as my mentor. It's just understood. So, what makes a mentor. Basically, I would sum it up in just one word..... Experience. That, to me, is the reason they must be older. They have lived through the phases of life that I am only beginning to experience now. When I went through my divorce there were a bunch of strange emotions swirling through my brain. Johnny had been through a divorce and could relate. More to the point, he had survived and thrived through the devastation of big, life altering changes. He gave me hope and a blueprint for moving forward.

It is also important to be a mentor, although it is unclear to me just how that process should work. I realized that I needed men to mentor me and sought them out. I'm always aware of my potential role as a mentor and have patience for those younger than I who could benefit from my experiences.

Oh, and like it or not, men make the best mentors for men. Something about the inherent quirks of gender, but that's as far as I dare go on the subject. I've probably already said enough to get myself in deep trouble.......
9:22:04 PM    comment []