Monday, July 11, 2005

Online poker and the downfall of America.
Really, that's what he said.

Online poker is going to cause the collapse of our fair nation.

Or so sez this guy...

Norman Chad [I don't watch poker on tv (::gasp::) but HomePokerGames had this to say about him, for those like me who don't know who he is: Norman Chad one of the broadcasters covering the World Series on ESPN. Most people think he tries way too hard to be funny with his lame jokes. 1st page on google, I swear.]

here, "Oh what a tangled web online poker weaves."

First off, you know this is going to be disparaging. So sit back, pop the corn and let start to acknowledge the allusion he leads us by the nose to in the vacantly absent rest of the line... "when first we practice to deceive." Yes, online poker is riggored. On a grander scale, lets not bastardize Marmion for online poker bashing... Scott deserves some Iraqi war-Downing Street Memo references to effect the full force of his epic poetry, not some GCA-ite reference tarnishing it by association.

And of course, you know I'm lazy & love to cut and paste things out of context, so here you go...

Here is my fear about the poker nation we are creating, part one: One day, while tens of millions of us are holed up in our bedrooms or dens - shades lowered, computers whirring - playing four screens of Texas hold 'em simultaneously, Soviet troops will roll into New York and bring America to the brink of collapse.

So yeah, the nation will topple hell will freeze over when the nation turns into a mass of 2p2'ers. I can see it now, tv movie of the week.... bonuswhoring ate my baby!

In all seriousness, seriously? Online poker is the culprit of our nation not giving a damn any more?

Of COURSE it can't be disaffected, disenfranchised youth as a whole. Of COURSE it has nothing to do with ideological and moral wars, of young (and old) men and women dying and being made crippled for life half a world away. Of COURSE it can't be a lack of respect or reflection of true ideals of the people of the nation by their leaders. Of COURSE it can't be corporate and political corruption, lending us flesh and blooded people to finally realize in the kernel of souls we carry that corporations are not only people, but they are worth more than us ants with 2 legs and one heart.

Of COURSE it can't be outsourcing, of COURSE it can't be waning opportunities as industries become streamlined and downsized, of COURSE it can't be the ever aging ever drug and medical-care dependant populace and skyrocketing/out of reach healthcare for everyone, of COURSE it can't be tv covered in Jerry Springer and "baby daddy" daytime tv shows, of COURSE it can't be a weak dollar, of COURSE it can't be because racial and socioeconomic barriers are not only prevalent but a way of American life, of COURSE it can't be a lot more crap that I'm too longwinded to give a proper attempt to...

No, the be-all end-all fall of Rome. Online Poker.

[It's rigged, you know.]

Postmodern archaelogists excavating the ruins of the internet will find the answer here, the writing on the wall, the bloody goat... internet poker.



Because I'm a glutton for this kinda stuff...

Online poker has a pretty simple dynamic:

You withdraw into your home.
You play whenever you want.
You interact only with your mouse, your mouse pad and your keyboard.
You eventually emerge from your isolation - sometimes richer, sometimes poorer - with the interpersonal skills of a lampshade.

Wow, even I'm insulted, and I suck at online poker. :)

I'm insulted for the legions of people I've met, real people with flesh and blood covering their bones and a song in their hearts, because I now do what I do (aka: read voyeuristically watch people who play online poker and talk about it online.) I have to think of all of the blogs I read, does anyone there on my blogroll have the interpersonal skill of a lampshade?

Well I blogrolled myself so maybe, but...

What about all of the people enthusiatically reading, learning, posting about poker to one or more of the million billion uno dos tres cuatro cinco seis siete ocho nueve diez poker forums out there? Lampshades, all? (perhaps some, but that's humanity and reified variance for you.)

Listen. I know people play online, and how they do. I know what it is to sit and stare at a computer screen for hours on end, having thoughts manifest via fingerclicks and mouserolls instead of enunciation and proclamation. (I'm an og internet junkie.) But holy hell, I can get hooked into reading craiglist, memoryhole, fatwallet, whatever. I don't need online poker to blame for that. I need to blame the changing cultural landscape, the changes by which we communicate with one another, the technological revolution that we take for granted but is moving is closer together as we live further and further apart... not online poker.


Anyway, I'm sure some of my longfellas will have something more to pick out, but thanks for leaving the obvious bits to aK, she needs the bone once in a while. (dirty minds, all of you!) ;)


GamesGrid Poker (and Backgammon!)

12:27:20 AM  
comment []