Sunday, July 17, 2005

All apologies, the more you ignore me...
Sorry yall, and still no poker content on the horizon ;)

(BG:) This is freestyle bullshit, this is cold lampin' at the mic, an excuse to get retarded. You don't even have to push yourself, just fucking be yourself, your words count your thoughts count your ideas count you count there's no middle ground just fucking step up and be counted.

See, I owe a lot of people apologies for going off on pity party tangent the other day-- but I think I want to start with the post above from BG, since I *got* fucking retarded the other day and am a little embarrassed since, hey-- people shouldn't be so farking miserable since they have everything sans onething :) And that's me, I get all uppity and think I deserve the entire sheetcake when offered a slice, the bag of chocolate as opposed to a singular kiss. I just... do that pessimist side out to play thing every once in a while, and then I go for a walk, split an overripe peach in half and suck the pit when nothings left, read song of solomon on the grass while hindsighting the yokes wearing suits y ties in this heat, milling out of their offices (but not out of their eyesight) and catching lunch behind sunglasses and coffees... and things are good again. The sun's good, sweet things are good, summer will be wonderful and I'll wear shorts for the first time since being double digits in age (really), and I just laugh at how obnoxious and overwrought I can be over these things... these silly, fantastical things like selfishness in wanting everything when I've already been graciously given a small thing, and heaven knows what they say about small things.

[That was my sadass attempt at an apology for being such a downer the other day, and a thanks to those who left comments-emails-messages to kindly wish I get the fuck out of the gutter and be happy, dammit... or something ;) I'm too embarrassed to reply but I got tham all and appreciate them all a lot, more than I can say and that's why I can't...]

And I know I made the right decision cos there in my mailbox was the new goodvibes catalogue, and everything'll be alrite with freeshipping for purchases over $100 (how *did* they know how dark these hours can be?)

On that note, I should:

1) Stop taking cues from jondalar's penis books Clan of the Cave Bear series in looking for "signs" to see if I made the right decision or not
2) Jet my sillyass down to GV's retail location in berkeley and not rely on the postman to bring me yetanother lifesaver ... but I won't, since I don't drive & that'd mean a bart and a bus ride home with a "generic paper sack" that I can't look in or open or shake til I get home-- endeavors to which I always fail at and get embarrassed by as the sidelong glancers that bart turns normal people into will discover my penchant for silicone y battery operated wonders of the world...
3) Queue up sleeping beauty from netflix since I have that refrain, "i know you, i walked with you once upon a dream" in my head, and it's beautiful and I want to hear it for reals and not greymattered distortioned (and feminists be damned if you say its forbidden fruit)
4) Just relish in the elaborate fantasyland inside my head as just that-- fantastic diversions; and not be so caught off guard when one of those fair ideas becomes a flesh and blood person with a voice just so who has just had me so many ways til Sunday and doesn't even know it (nor me from adam/eve)...

And *you* should:

1) Check out BG's post I linked to above, cos its a call to arms. I don't know if its because I watched "pump up the volume" while devouring fruit from the farmers market as I got up and out of my funk the other day-- but there's something to be said and he's said something there.

I tried posting it up to Bill's new Poker Filter project but donked it up, but that's another thing to check out too. I really enjoy the idea of conversations and things that keep em going, and nothing does that better than substance (or lubrication).

Or rss. I did add pokerfilter to my rssfeed, being cattle as cattlecalled to do so.

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4:28:53 PM  
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