Sunday, July 31, 2005

For Oedipa, (electra?)
No poker.

Freestyling, freefalling. Pink from a minihike in Contra Costa County off of Crow Canyon, more for a change of scenery from asphalted-soldout Berkeley to the yellowelephant hills undulating towards Mount Diablo than anything, and I'm tired. Tired of, yeah. Poker :) Who'd have guessed. I think poker is tired of me. So no content in this mucho maas (stream of) consciousnaas post okay?

Oh, except GamesGrid now has private tourney capabilities and I've been talking to so many ppl lately about it my head is swimming. I had a dream about it ("no, its not flirting if i pick your password" is all i could remember, i have no idea what it means). I was thinking of running one of my own, adding something (overlay? something?) and playing a private tourney w/ the friends I've met online doing this blog, work, whatever. I think I'd need at least nine to not be humiliated, don't think I'm there yet as far as drawing power ;)

Ah, who needs 9 people when right now I am gilldeep in my crowning achievement as 2+2's most perverted poster. I don't think I won, but hey, anytime my lone boob gets splashed across 2p2 is a day for celebration in my book. Oh well, that concludes this station's test.

I've felt like such a watcher lately. I mean, I feel like I've been drinking in my environment lately, in huge gulps and holding my breath til I see the whitefire halos around their wavering forms, seeing a keener, brighter world. I spent a good deal of time on Friday waiting around Oakland for a friend to get out of the bigoffice jobs there and catch dinner; I always like to make the farmers markets there on Fridays since there's so much to see in the few blocks. There's the official marketplace, with the organic greens with edible flowers $4 vendor; honey guy (I hate honey, sorry); quark lady (there's this cheese-based spread called quark, not like cream cheese but its vicinity-- lemon quark tastes like crumbly lemon cheesecake on morning toast); 7 interchangeable fresh fruit in season stands; omifuckinggod kettle corn in the $6 jumbo icantbelieveimcarryingthisbigassbagofpopcornhomeonthebus bag that i always get; ... and then there's the unofficial farmers market, the second block down, comprised almost completely of chinese sellers selling all sorts of off the wall shit in comparison to the vanilla market just across the pavement. Like balut. I saw zero guys in businesssuits hanging out in a line to buy balut, where I had to elbow some soccer mom to keep my place in the popcorn herd. My first boyfriend ever was filipino, and he'd cook a whole chicken in the oven after liberal dousing with "Accent" brand seasoning (aka: monosodium glutamate - MSG) and manage to down the entire mess cracking bones and greasy skin while drinking a 2 litre and not sharing any of it. He'd brag about eating balut too, knowing it was supposed to shock whitegirl me, at least more than his throwing knives at me did (really, i can pick em folks...)

Yeah, and the unofficial farmers market in Oakland has poor chickens in a cage, twist and go curbside service too. I'm not fucking kidding, saw 3 chickens decapitated/wrung before I could decide I didn't want to watch anymore. It's like this very odd NSFW! blog of a sleepyeyed naked woman posing to get poker bloggers' attention. Yeah, I don't understand why either but I think it fits that *I tried looking away thing* I was getting at. And damn, I know I'm topsofthepops myself when it comes to being here but not being there, but I generally know what month it is myself (still, NSFW)...

Hm. Good segue into link dumping land.

Over 100 different Google-pageranking factors

Firefox' pageranking extension that lists the PR of any site you visit (what the hell do you mean you're not using firefox?)

VERY NSFW x-ray and sex pics, from Wim Delvoye ... dont say i didnt warn you, share it with someone you love. :)

I really want someone to take this kind of effort to nail me. "Instead, what you will find is a flood of information, organized in succinct and clear order on how to Locate, Approach, Attract, Seduce, and Lay as many women as you can handle with great speed and efficiency. All kinds of women."

FF to 830 or so Oakland time, chinatown when the suns set but the skys greyish blue still, and all of the florescents are on and everything looks mushroom bright in neon green, red script, swings of signs and so much shared office space. Listening to the karaoke from 3rd story nightclubs was altering, because it wasn't bad and it was heartfelt and it seemed to carry further because the night wasnt it yet... too many ducks and heads and eyes in windows looking out, that cracking skin and quantity of brown...bakeries everywhere (though I'm biased to the virginia bakery myself, and never liked dim sum-- too ashamed to admit it though),...

Best food treat any ex has introduced me to was hamachi kama-- yellowtail "collar" or the brace of neckbones around the 'shoulder' part of a fish (under the head, before the steaks of body). Broiled and picked off fishcheeks... man a sweet, greasy delight. He shocked the hell out of me, that one (boy, not fish). I met him in a small bar a girlfriend from work ran as her second job-- barely 21 and hi, how're you as I'm holding another girlfriend's hair back as she redistributed bacardi to the oakland sewer system... Fast forward nine months and he's at my doorstep with two garbage bags full of crap I'd managed to leave under his bed (I'm still missing a bra, you freak), which is normal and how it always ends except my friends were breathing easier that I didn't want to move into his whitepicket house just cos he asked me to, because he was 46 and wanted someone to be home for him and it really didn't matter if it was going to be me or girl friday from another bar pickup, it just had to be someone and it had to be then.

I found a gift he gave me tucked away doing a little cleaning... So for Christmas he gives me a watch. A mickey mouse gold watch. And Mickey Mouse earrings.

Okay. You know, if I had ever had a conversation (ANY conversation) about MM with this man I could have understood this choice. If I didn't overhear him (sitting in the passenger seat of his car, driving), "yellow or white? uh, yellow" with his secretary who was out buying this for me as I'm supposed to pretend not to know. If he had ever tried to at least pretend it wasn't because I was just a warm body and because it was me he wanted. If I hadn't tried so hard to think of something perfect for him in order to fill the gap knowing that he wasn't the one.

I totally don't regret it, its just mindboggling to me. I mean, you want to be with me the rest of my life, and you dont ask me my middle name? DONT KNOW THAT I DONT HAVE PIERCED EARS? That this is nothing I would want (that it was chosen by your secretary, that you notice me enough to see that nothing like that has ever graced me in your presence...), that I wish it wasn't an accident that led me to think -- wow, does he ever know me! he totally knew i'd love this, he put on his sunglasses and looked into my soul.

Yeah ladies and gents, I structure my love life choices over raw fish and greasy fingers. Who needs throwing bones when the fish is already cracked there for you?

My tongue's been pierced for like, 7 years. I take it out and clean the whole thing and my tongue feels naked, free of the superweight. (I did buy a huge setting, thinking that showing off my big balls was titillating and discovering later that it was really boring and sad). Someone told me I had a lisp because of it, but I can barely move my too-free tongue to talk without it. you'll never know since Lord Admiral has nothing to say about hamachi kama and mickey mouse earrings ;)

I bought ticklers but never used them.

I want someone to take the effort to put together a sex tape with me intended. Man, I'm so there thinking of mixtapes-- shit, I made my 16 year old boyfriends mixtapes of records and haunting bsides (dont have sex to morrissey, it messes with your worldview). But, ever do that? Make a tape for someone, want them to catch how cool you are thru the arrangement of song, to speak for you and make her move close and 'oh' approvingly with each segue... I jsut think its a lot of effort for someone.

I want someone to make the effort. :)


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