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Sexy Magick

just a girl figuring out life ~ where magick happens

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    Thursday, December 11, 2008

    what is it that drives us to prove ourselves to another human, to show that we are everything and anything that they want and need in their lives when in fact they don't want us in their lives or to spend enomourous amounts of energy trying to prove we are worthy through little gifts or anonymous donations to their lack of funds and what is it about not wanting to let someone down and keep them going when the feelings aren't there because we are nice, maybe sometimes too nice and then we start the cutoff procedure of making them go away until they finally realize we're not interested instead of just letting each other be who we are?  And what keeps us going back for more and more of the same, hoping to change that person into what we want and need and the sticker here, is what we want, not what they want.  I am who I am, I shouldn't need to prove myself worthy of you and yet I'm still there for one but not the other, the other made me feel violated and I don't want the other in my life anymore and you, you I still want in my life because I still care even though I tried to purge you out of my life, slightly unsuccessful in that attempt, I've let go those emotional wounds, its possible that its easier to let it go and just let you be you. But what drives us to prove ourselves to someone that doesn't want us in their lives, that's the question, I wonder if its because somewhere deep down, we are afraid of committment, afraid that if we met someone just like us, we've settled for less and have lost our adventure, our identity, are we afraid of committment to drive someone that doesn't want us in their lives totally insane and if we'd just stand still and look at what is right in front of us, we'd see the light, that we don't need to prove anything to one another, we just need to be who we are. Maybe we're the crazy ones.
    11:59:32 PM    comment [] trackback []

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