Monday, September 20, 2004

I literally feel sick from thinking about all of the opposing calendars and desires for my life right now. So freaking all of the sudden.  Ugh.    It's like it's a more impressive show if a juggler has 10 balls in the air at once...but then when lose one, the fall is a lot more dramatic.    I do think in visuals.   Not that all my balls are connected, but it certainly feels that way sometimes.   No balls jokes, please.  Well, if they're funny.... Comments5:21:40 PM

I just hit a spiral.  Bad news on the job front.  Deep breaths in, deep breaths out.  It's held such stability.... Comments2:58:21 PM

"Journal writing is a voyage to the interior." - Christina Baldwin I gotta start doing a real journal again soon.  So many things I want to talk/write about that I don't here 'cause, well, a public forum just isn't the proper place to talk about 'em.  Pretty much anything that involves people beyond surface-level interactions it just seems...like I'm revealing things someone else might not revealed.  I dunno.  And, truthfully, I'm too easy to find.  Too, in writing a real journal it seems okay to be in the moment and emotional and such.  But, since I normally hold negative feelings for under half-an-hour I don't feel like anyone would get an accurate reflection of who I am from reading those quick-thoughts.  So, yeah, I should try to carry one with me. Maybe two.  I sorta like the idea of having one that I can write in and then toss.  And then one for things I want to remember.  Yep, I'm totally for selective memory.  When I'm 92, I don't want to remember everything...I want to remember what was happy and good.  Important to deal with the negative, learn from it, but no reason to store it...at least that's how I feel right now. I am also feeling today like maybe I shouldn't be as open and expressive and whatever as I am.  Most people have outgrown that by my age and there are times that I can understand why.  Today.  Today I can understand why.  Though, I guess the real answer is I don't have to be extreme.  I can still mail my mom a card that says "just wanted to list for you all of the things you taught me that i'm really happy about" without doing that to ten other people.  I have a hard time with wanting to say everything I'm thinking.  And then not being as understanding when others aren't that way...though mostly people aren't.  Comments12:47:46 PM

Groggy voices are wonderful.  I [think I] just accidentally woke someone up (returning a vm, not noticing that they were in a different time zone) and it was quite nice...for me.  Chilly mornings, hot coffee and groggy voices...these are a few of my favorite things. So nice that fall sprang upon us like it did.  I love to have the windows open and two quilts on the bed. The movies were much fun though some of my friends couldn't get in...they sold out quickly. I felt like such a dork 'cause I had been in the neighborhood for a few hours and hadn't gone to buy a ticket.  Fortunately Aaron had an extra that he got me in with.  It was fun to see the boy's work and then notice that me, Dallas and Mark were all laughing so hard that we were having to wipe the tears from our eyes.  While they counted the votes, they showed a handful from last year, including the one the boys did, and it was seriously-funny too.  Very distrubing, but funny.  Again...laughter until tears...and then the ending "Don't touch kids."  That Brock... Comments10:17:01 AM

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