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Monday, September 01, 2003
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THE “YES, DEAR” OF YESTERYEAR
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(Harv's note: I've been trying to convince my beloved wife that she would make an excellent blogger. She scoffed, but seems open to persuasion. As a compromise, I'm letting her post this piece here to get her feet wet. Please leave encouragement in the comments.)
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When did “Yes, dear” stop being a concession and start being passive-aggression? This all started with an argument (or lack thereof) with my husband over football last weekend. Let me give you a little historic background on the phrase “Yes, dear”, and my husband.
There are three phases of “Yes, dear”. The first I call the ‘sappy puppy’ “Yes, dear” phase. This is when you have just met the new man in your life and he will do anything to please you. You have probably been dating a week or less, haven’t had sex yet, and he will say “Yes, dear” to anything just to win your heart (or bed). You could ask him to lay down while you carved your initials on his chest with a 6 inch knife, and he would respond with an eager “Yes, dear!” This is the best “Yes, dear” phase there is. Take advantage of this phase to its utmost, as it does not last very long.
The second phase of “Yes, dear” I deem the ‘Eeyore’ phase. This “Yes, dear” comes more in the mid-point of your relationship. The man is whipped and has totally given up. He realizes that no matter how hard he tries to get out of something or how badly he does not want to do something, he will have to anyway, so why waste the energy in disagreeing. He does, however, want to make it known that this is NOT in his best interests so he does sigh his “Yes, dear”, but it is immediately followed by a huge grumble, groan, or moan. This is his subtle aggression towards you - the person nagging him and taking him away from his very important lying on the couch or staring at the computer.
The third phase I call the ‘Macho Man’ “Yes, dear” phase. I really hate this one. This is where your significant other is right simply because he is the ‘guy’ and so much more intelligent than you because you are only the ‘insipid female’. You have no testosterone running through your body, no balls to back up any statement you make and, therefore, do not exist on his radar plane. For instance, last week my husband and I were watching a football game. I, having run the office football pool AND followed all the different NFL teams for years, (not just the awesome Green Bay Packers), have a vast amount of game experience. My husband, on the other hand, only started watching football as the result of a channel-surfing accident in ’96 and he still only watches the Packers. He, in all reality, is the football widow during the fall, and I am the one ensconced in front of the TV all Sunday afternoon (albeit with a wine cooler – not a beer - in my hand). Therefore, I should be regarded as the expert and he the wanna-be football fan. But, NO. Simply because he is the ‘male’, he seems to think he is always right about his calls in football. Every time, I argued with a call on the football field, he would respond with a “Yes, dear”. This is the worst “Yes, dear” there is. In one small breath, it intimates that the person being addressed is not worthy of an argument, that that person has not the vaguest semblance of logic and clearly falls way below the radar scan of the ‘Macho Man’. Therefore, the addressee should be dismissed with a simple “Yes, dear”. After three of these curt conversations, I ended up arguing with my husband to argue with me. To explain his reasoning if he disagreed with me. It was a rather ugly scene, but I’m pretty sure I got my point across.
At least, he didn’t answer, “Yes dear.”
posted by Harvey at 10:06:17 PM permalink HOME
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RULES OF SHOTGUN
If you ain't driving, then front seat passenger (the "shotgun" seat) is THE best place to be. Got your own window, you can hear everything the driver says, good view of the scenery - just a sweet deal all the way around.
Most people are at least passing familiar with the tradition of calling out "Shotgun!" on the way to the car if you're with a group of buddies in order to determine who gets this throne. But what you may not know is that there are other rules affecting whether the claim will be honored. Kevin, over at Eckernet, has the Unabridged Version.
You should probably pass this link on to every guy you know, so as to avoid both drunken fistfights and winding up riding Bitch.
posted by Harvey at 9:56:59 PM permalink HOME
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NO, REALLY. CONGRESS SHALL MAKE NO LAW
When I was in junior high school, my friend and I came up with a dark, cabalistic plan to overthrow the US government. It involved an elephant and about 2000 pounds of slightly used bubble gum. I could describe it in detail, but then I'd have to... well, you know.
My point is, kids write the darndest things, and not everything they write is a viscious threat of bodily harm. Boots & Sabers pointed me to the story where an Oklahoma teen is facing FELONY charges for writing something that could probably be described as "like Stephen King in one of his lighter moods, except without any discernable literary talent."
Make sure to hit Owen's post before you read the story. I liked his comment.
posted by Harvey at 9:44:20 PM permalink HOME
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KITTY KITTY, BANG BANG
Heh. Stole that title from Frank. Speaking of Frank, he's holding a caption contest for a lovely photoshopped "kitten with a gun" picture. As good as I am with captions, I'm not going to bother entering this one, because I'd be SOOOOO out of my league. Just read the captions in the comments, and you'll see why I'm totally outclassed.
Oh yes, SEVERE Drink Alert in effect.
posted by Harvey at 9:28:06 PM permalink HOME
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EARLY MEMORIAL UPDATE
I posted an update to my "Early Memorial" post below. Turns out David had some more painfully pertinent ideas.
posted by Harvey at 9:13:08 PM permalink HOME
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200 WORDS OR LESS:
HOT AIR BALLOON
Today's question comes from the book, "The Conversation Piece":
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#If you could fly in a hot-air balloon over any city in the world, what city would you choose?
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Definitely Paris. From the air, Paris is a glittering jewel of sparkling beauty, as any Luftwaffe pilot will tell you. Add to this the fact that the French people can be neither heard nor smelt at balloon-altitude, and you have a blissful experience second only to the joy of not seeing them either.
My real reason for choosing Paris, though, is guilt. I've been quite the cowboy to our frog-nibbling allies-of-weasel lately. Thoughtless remarks, snarky insults, and impolite truthing have all graced my blog in recent weeks. So, as penance, I should like to float over Paris in a hot air balloon and drop leaflets, thanking them for everything they've done right over the years:
1) Help during the Revolutionary War
2) Selling us the Louisiana Territory
3) The Statue of Liberty
4) Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1895
5) The Eiffel Tower - visually stunning, and the architectural marvel of its day.
Plus all the things they've done in the last 100 years:
Um... er... hmmm... uh... gotta be something...
Oh yeah! Marcel Marceau! Man, I could just listen to him for hours!
Thanks, France!
posted by Harvey at 9:03:10 PM permalink HOME
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ACTUALLY, I'M A LEMONTARIAN
Shamus Young has published the latest edition of The Lemon ("the right wing Onion, now in handy cartoon format"). This week, he explains how to tell Democrats from Republicans using W. And Clinton as examples. Funny? Naturally. And simultaneously proving what the Libertarians have been saying for years.
There ain't a dime's worth of difference between the two parties.
Oh, and remember to scroll all the way down to catch the Desperate Singles Personals ad.
posted by Harvey at 8:59:03 AM permalink HOME
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OLD + STUPID = STFU WALTER!
Walter Cronkite, the venerable retired "last of the objective journalists" [*yaarchkk*! oh, sorry, my cat just launched a hairball after reading that], gives some advice to the Democratic party. 10 pieces of advice. 10 soulless, lefty platitudes.
Won't someone PLEASE end my pain?
Ah, right on cue, here comes American Digest, with a big bag of fiskitudinal relief. A sample or two:
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1. That the purpose of a powerful military and a huge defense budget is not to wage war but to preserve the peace -- on our own shores and abroad.
How an army that does not wage war preserves peace is beyond me. Perhaps they simply run military exercises in Antarctica that are televised on MTV's Real World.
However, our foreign policy and our military strength shall leave no doubt that we will answer promptly and decisively those who would challenge our democratic freedoms.
Answer promptly? How? A candygram? But it will be decisively, I guess.
Memo to Al Queda --
Hurts. Make it stop.
Thanks,
Your Pals, The US State Department.
P.S. Need any more mad money for those schools? Just ask.
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6. That we realize that the success, indeed the preservation, of a democracy depends on an educated citizenry, and that teachers, on education's front lines, must be paid commensurate with their responsibilities.
Teachers on the "front lines" of education. Seems that in Walter's World (tm), teachers fight and armies teach. I'd prefer to pay teachers commensurate with their work load, too. The last time I looked they got three months off in the summer, plus all legal holidays, plus two weeks at Christmas, plus another two or three weeks at winter and spring break. That would make their total time off about five months out of the year. Is an average salary of, say, $44,000 for seven months work really that terrible. Works out to a bit over 5K a month for time on the job. Plus benefits, plus a pension for life of about 80% of top money earned after 25 years. I know that even the kindergarten teachers "work ten house days," but who doesn't? I must confess I just don't get the impoverished teacher meme. Perhaps, like many of the students they teach, they could get a summer job.
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Ahhhhh! Much better.
Go get the rest.
posted by Harvey at 12:46:10 AM permalink HOME
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Last update: 9/10/2005; 4:19:33 PM.
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