JOEY NEEDS PSYCHIATRIC HELP

Looks like Joey's alternate personality is... me. (Friday Sept 26 if PAB, scroll down a bit, no title)

note to Joey's mom: smarty-pants needs to meet with the "board of education."

JOEY IS VOTERRIFIC

The Single White Male found out that you don't actually have to be 18 to register to vote, and thus he did so. (Friday Sept 26 if PAB)

HOW TO BE A CHICK MAGNET

America's #1 pin-up girl has some serious advice for guys on how to impress the ladies. Better read it or you'll never wind up in her Dream Harem.

SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU, NOW LET IT GO

American RealPolitik has a quote from a piece from by Denis Boyles that appeared in National Review Online. It draws an interesting analogy:

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...I worked as advice columnist for a popular men's magazine. There I discovered that guys really only have two questions: Is it okay to cheat on my wife/girlfriend/cellmate? The answer was always no, of course. The second question: My girlfriend left me. What can I do? The answer to that one was always, "Nothing."

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He goes on to compare the US & UN as the metaphorical unhappy couple. It'll take about 45 seconds of your time to read, and it's worth it. If you really enjoy it, there's a link to the entire essay.

TODAY'S HAPPY THOUGHT

Qibbles & Bits brings you Osama in Hell. Oh, this is sweet.

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The man laughed.

“You don’t get it, do you?” the man asked.

Osama’s eyes narrowed. He lunged at the man. His chains suddenly weighed his wrists and dragged him to the floor. He ankle chains suddenly stretched and Osama found himself stretched taut over a vast crevass. The stench of sulphur and burnt flesh filled his nostrils.

“What is this?!” he screamed, his eyes wide with fright, “Where is my reward!?”

“This is your reward, you damned fool,” the man said. “Eternal pain. Eternal denial of Paradise. Eternal denial of the Glory of God.”

Osama scowled. “I have waged jihad. I have sacrificed to advance the cause of Islam. I am shaheed!”

The man leaned close. Fire lit his eyes from within. He grinned, showing sharp teeth.

“No, Osama. You did not wage Jihad. You murdered. You sacrificed others to a bent version of Islam. You died a criminal, and an enemy, to both living men and to God. To Allah.”

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Flames & sulfur are just the beginning. The ending it too perfect. Go read, the whole thing.

REAL ESCHER

American Digest has found another one. This time a doghouse built based on the "impossible box" optical illusion.

It's a head-scratcher.

200 WORDS OR LESS:

EITHER/OR

Today's question comes from the book, "Romantic Questions" page 35:

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#5 Which are you more afraid of: cancer or impotence?

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Well, there's a pleasant thought.

You know, there are some decisions a man simply shouldn't have to make. That's one. Others would include:

Hernias or leprosy

Tetanus or prison sex

Gangrene or a night alone with Michael at the Neverland Ranch

Athlete's foot or dandruff

Paper cuts or unpaid overtime

Listening to any Jesse Jackson speech or having duct tape removed from my very hairy forearm

Shaving cuts or a football in the groin

Holding my wife's purse while she shops or hammering my thumb

Changing a flat on I-90 during rush hour or attending mandatory "sensitivity training"

Eating tofu or wrestling a rabid St. Bernard

Installing a ceiling fan or trying to explain why Monty Python is funny

Being dropped into a pool of pirahna or an Al Gore presidency

Watching a Truth.com commercial or watching Teletubbies

A hornet's nest in my shorts or forgetting my wife's birthday

Having the cat pee on my bed while I'm in it or a vacation in France

Smelling a hippy or listening to a hippy

Clowns or mimes

Watching "Trading Spaces" or watching "While You Were Out"

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Feel free to suggest other horrid choices in the comments.

BAD MONEY FAN CURRENCY

Don of Anger Management e-mailed me with a suggestion recently:

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Maybe I'm way behind, but how about a Bad Money contest where we bloggers draw crazy stuff on our money, post to to our blogs, and wait...probably a long long time...to see whose money reaches you first.  Even if it didn't work it'd be fun.  Besides, you'd think the chances that some blogger's bad money would reach another blogger have got to be somewhat within the realm of possibility.  Just a thought.

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I thought it was interesting, but, given the vagaries of currency circulation, a bit impractical. However, it did make me think of a way for other bloggers to get into the graffiti currency groove, if they want to.

Here's the deal. If you post a picture of graffiti currency on your own blog and send me a permalink via e-mail or in the comments (which get e-mailed to me automatically) I will link to your post. All posts of which I am notified will receive linkage, regardless of quality. If your picture inspires me to caption, you'll recieve credit and linkage in the "Today's Graffiti Currency" post. The blogless are also encouraged to submit their discoveries.

Due to annoying Federal laws against defacing government property, blah, blah, blah, I can't encourage you to CREATE your own graffiti currency, but if you "find" something interesting, let me know.

Latvians and other international readers are also encouraged to participate, as the corrupted currency does not have to be American.

TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY



Apparently it was good for George.

THE THONG THING

SUSIE WINS!

Pictures will be forthcoming, yes?

HAREM BOY

WHOO-HOO! Dana wants me in her Fantasy Harem! I haven't been this thrilled and flattered since my wife said "yes" to me about 5 years ago. And *ahem* every other time she's said yes ;-)

So, as a service to America's #1 pin-up girl, I'm going to try give her an image to fantasize over. I've been told that I look like the following people:

Michael Gross (the dad on Family Ties)

Christopher Lloyd (during his "Taxi" years, not his more famous role as Doc Brown in "Back to the Future")

Abraham Lincoln

So basically, 5'10", 160, high forehead (hairline receding, but no bald spot - Rogaine seems to be working so far), dark brown (almost black) hair with some random gray strands coming in at the sides, brown eyes, and neatly trimmed full beard (still all brown).

Hope that helps.

Oh, and of the 3, Michael Gross is damn near a spot-on match. But I have more hair, less gray, and a fuller beard. Still, if I had that pic on my driver's license, I don't think anyone would question it.