RIAA ATTACKS!
(A FILTHY LIE)
I guess I really shouldn't have published that filthy lie from by Blogless Brother Tom, because now he's on Evil Glenn's radar screen. The poor guy had just strapped on his eye patch for a relaxing evening of software piracy...
Tom: And now to grab another 25 gigabytes of copyrighted goodness from Kazaa...
[Ring... Ring... Ring]
Tom: Hello?
Evil Glenn: Hello, Blogless Brother Tom. My name is Glenn Reynolds, and I...
Tom: AAAAHHHHH! Puppy Blender!
Evil Glenn: Normally, yes, but today I'm calling on behalf of the Recording Industry Association of America. It seems that you've illegally downloaded several thousand copyrighted works over the last week, and I'm hereby informing you that the RIAA is going to sue you into oblivion.
Tom: So you DO work for Satan! But I thought you only worked in the hobo-murdering department?
Evil Glenn: Actually, I'm helping the Prince of Darkness with several of his projects in addition to the wanton slaughter of homeless ne'er-do-wells and the fanatical harrassment of people exercising their rights under the Fair Use Doctrine.
Tom: Like what?
Evil Glenn: Keeping the Cubs out of the World Series, script writing for the new season of "8 Simple Rules", and... certain... political assignments.
Tom: So YOU'RE the one who makes sure Ted Kennedy keeps getting re-elected!
Evil Glenn: Actually, that's Ba'al. My job is to keep Kucinich talking about mind-controlling space lasers & looking like a complete idiot.
Tom: But isn't that actually a GOOD thing?
Evil Glenn: As far as entertainment value, yes, but it also serves to make Howard Dean look reasonable, sane, and electable by comparison.
Dana: Did you say Howard Dean? I'll strangle you dead! RARR!
Evil Glenn: What the hell was that?
Tom: Oh, my wife's just having a few of the girls over for a quilting party. You can probably ignore that. Anyway, what do you want with me?
Evil Glenn: Well, unless you want to spend the next 20 years as Michael Jackson's love-monkey, you will immediately reformat your hard drive.
Tom: Reformat? But I'll lose everything! My music! My Photoshop! My vast collection of por... uh, my novel!
Evil Glenn: The law is the law. You just have to decide which you value more - your music or your rectal integrity.
Tom: All right, all right! Fine! You win. "format C:"
Evil Glenn: Wise choice. Now before you do the right thing, I have question...
Tom: *sniff* My Paris Hilton video clip... *sniff*... go ahead...
Evil Glenn: Are you happy with the service provided by your current long distance carrier?
Tom: What?
Evil Glenn: Sprint has many options that will allow you to...
Tom: AAAAAHHHHH! Telemarketer!
Evil Glenn: I told you I was helping Satan with some other projects. Now, have you reviewed your insurance needs lately?
Tom: You rotten, degenerate... hmmm... uh, I mean, I guess I could use a policy insure the cat against excessive hairballs or something. Why don't you hang up for a minute so I can dial up my ISP? I'll log into your web site & buy a few new policies.
Evil Glenn: Well, I'm glad to see that you're a reasonable man. You can forget about the lawsuit & keep your porn
Tom: Novel
Evil Glenn: Yeah... novel. By the way, would that "novel" of yours happen to have any penguins in it?
Tom: Penguins?
Evil Glenn: Never mind. I look forward to hearing from you.
[click]
Tom: Oh yeah. You'll hear from me all right. Now where did I put that one illegal download?... There it is! Now to adjust my eye-patch, fluff up the old parrot, and YO-HO-HO! YARRR!
Tom left something at Instapundit all right, but it wasn't an insurance contract.
Lesson learned: NEVER f*** with a pirate!
INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!
posted by Harvey at 10:40:47 PM permalink HOME
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