Saturday, June 14, 2003

Tattoo You Chris wrote about wanting to get a tattoo the other day and that got me thinking:  would I ever get a tattoo?  I've considered it in the past, but I could never settle on a cool enough idea, or an idea I'd be willing to explain when I was 70, and therefore never pulled the trigger on one. Plus, how many really good tattoos do you see?  The ratio of horrible/tacky/embarassing/cheesy ones to cool/tasteful ones must be heavily weighted to the trashy end of the scale.  I don't mean to be judgemental (oh, yes I do -- who am I kidding?), but what kind of a guy gets rainbows, a topless squaw, and a tiger cub sprawled across his back?  Personally, I think that is horrific.  Native Americans and tigers?  Wrong type of Indian, dude!  Might as well have done a tattoo of Cubans and polar bears. And as far as showing love and commitment toward someone, sure tattoos are a commitment, but does getting the exact same aesthetically questionable dragon tattoo really going to teach the kids about true love being eternal?  Personally, I think these parents are going to have a harder time than usual convincing their kids that they are cool. The stupidest people are those who have their lover's name John Hancocked on their body.  Don't they know that most relationships go the way of the dodo, and that by tattooing loverboy's name on their boob, they're pretty much begging the laws of Karma to bring that lovefest to a screeching halt?  Betcha anything Emily left this loser long, long ago.  And does this guy still have Sally's phone number? Pretty much any message in writing had better be well-thought out.  Chris is thinking of getting a wrist tattoo, which looks like this.  Some people take written tattoos and their message to the extreme.  "People suck"?  Must be members of  The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement.  Other people just end up with something that just reeks of white trash. I dated a woman back in college who got a three-inch tattoo of a teddy bear on her left breast.  Not just any teddy bear.  This one was missing a button-eye, was torn, and losing a little stuffing.  She had a long explanation about how it represented her childhood teddy bear.  Sweet story, but all I could think of was whether I wanted to continue a relationship with a woman who'd have a one-eyed pooh peeking over any low-cut shirt she wore.  Anyone who knows me knows she's long gone. Now what if I were religious?  Maybe I'd get Jesus or Shiva tattooed across a high-visibility area of my body (my neck, maybe?), but since I'm an atheist, what choice am I left with?  Darwin on my bicep?  Besides, if I were religious, shouldn't I first ask what would Jesus do? So what I'm suggesting, is that some people get tattoos for all the wrong reasons.  Mike Tyson, for example.  Maybe they want to look cool, maybe they want to draw more attention to themselves, or maybe they just don't quite understand the word "permanent."  I'm not saying that all tattoos are a bad idea.  I'm just saying that in all the tattoos I looked at for the writing of this article, not one envoked a reaction anywhere close to "hey, I've got to get that!"  Most reactions were along the lines of "what the hell were they thinking??" Related links:  Bad Tattoos:  Featuring the worst tattoos from around the world. Tattoos by Hoss:  Lots of examples of things I'd never have etched on my body. Religious Tattoos:  Judeo-Christian Body Art.  In other words, don't be bringing your Buddha here, buddy! Undoing Tattoos:  Read before you bleed. BME:  Huge tattoo galleries. 7:06:51 PM     |

© Copyright 2005 Alex L. Mauldin.