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Wednesday, February 04, 2004
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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE
(Introduction)
When I first saw you, I saw love. And the first time you touched me, I
felt love. And after all this time, you're still the one I love.
posted by Harvey at 11:13:16 PM permalink HOME
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
[no planes no gas no smoking 1-800-ORANGEL]
After the Green Party blew their entire campaign war chest on hammering
out the details of their 2004 party platform, they realized that they
couldn't afford the 1-800-GOGREEN toll-free phone number they wanted.
Embarrassed, but desperate, they settled for one of the few numbers
that hadn't been taken yet, later claiming in their literature that the
selection was deliberate because "making the right choice between
Democrat or Green is like making the right choice between devil OR
ANGEL".
posted by Harvey at 11:11:21 PM permalink HOME
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THE THIRD RAIL
Marty of Vigilance Matters
recently added an innovative feature to his blog. A column to the right
of the main text portion he's entitled "The Third Rail". It's a
collection of various & sundry well-written posts from hither and
yon on controversial topics. I kind of like the idea, although I'm not
quite man enough to try to prod one of those suckers into my template
myself (hmmm... maybe I should consult HammerHead Blog Designs...).
The other interesting thing he did was leave this message in my comments after putting one of my entries on the rail:
[pseudo trackback from the third rail]
Since my outgoing trackbacks still don't work (and never have) I'm
thinking maybe I should start leaving something like that in the
comments of posts I link to.
It's got possibilities.
posted by Harvey at 10:49:31 PM permalink HOME
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I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S JUST GIVING THIS STUFF AWAY
You know when you get on a roller coaster, and you go up that first
REALLY big hill? You can feel the jerks & tremors & the
clacking of the wheels on the track as you go insanely up and up. You
know that something is coming, but except for the ground falling away, it's just anticipation that's doing most of the work on your nerves.
Then you crest the hill.
And you plunge.
A while back, I mentioned that J. of Quibbles & Bits had a new story in progress.
Whisper
is finished now. It's about a 10-15 minute read. Make sure you don't
get interrupted, because once you're into it, you won't want to come
out until it's over.
And even then...
posted by Harvey at 10:25:22 PM permalink HOME
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MAYBE I SHOULD GET ONE OF THESE...
I LOVE eBay. It's like the Google of shopping. If you can imagine it,
you can find it for sale, and probably at a reasonable price.
The thing is, as American Digest points out, when you host several million auctions, the occasional... oddity... will creep in.
Things to note:
Number of bidders.
Current bid.
Auction end date.
posted by Harvey at 10:19:44 PM permalink HOME
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THERE'S A WORD FOR IT
The Bartender of Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon has part 2 of the Lush Lexicon. Some of my favorites from this round include:
Deja booty
When a drunk inexplicably has sex with the person he swore he would never speak of or to again, never ever.
Drinking in stereo
Boozing with a drink in each hand.
Felony juice
Tequila.
Fugly bus
The mysterious bus that whisks
away all the ugly people from the bar and replaces them with their
beautiful cousins while you're in the bathroom draining your tenth pint.
Grog monster
The part of the brain that insists you keep drinking long after you should have went home and passed out.
Jumping on the grenade
When two groups of the opposite
sex meet, one member "jumps on the grenade" by talking to (or possibly
sleeping with) the least attractive member of the other group so as to
ensure the success of the rest of the group.
I left some more over there.
Heh. Kamikaze eyes...
posted by Harvey at 10:10:41 PM permalink HOME
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GETTING YOUR MISTRESS OF SADO-MASOCHISM
Regarding this post from Susie of Practical Penumbra:
Good points: Contains the line: "teenagers, as I know too well, are to drama as cows are to methane"
Bad points: Complains about a class where she gets to spend 75 percent of her time thinking about sex.
posted by Harvey at 10:06:59 PM permalink HOME
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POKING THROUGH THE REFERRER LOGS
I discovered that Five Star Flags mentioned my graffiti-currency hobby/obsession/insanity, and I stand flattered.
In the same entry, I found a link to a post at Jenville that FINALLY finds a use for all those teeny-weeny 20's on the back of the new-new-style $20 bill. Can you say "connect the dots"?
posted by Harvey at 9:36:25 PM permalink HOME
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ODE TO A TROLL
(A PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR ASSIGNMENT)
I see you jumping on the stage
To crap upon our clean web page
Bitter twit, you whine and snivel
Plaguing us with thoughtless drivel
Stupidly you spew and sputter
Vapidly you blurt and mutter
Garbage vomits from your keys
Annoying us like bites from fleas
Saying nothing good or true
Asshat lies and trash you spew
Grammar poor, ideas dull
Reflect your empty, worthless skull
"I'll hurt your feelings with my screed!"
"Fear my wrath! I'll make you bleed!
"I am kafka, hear me roar!"
Frankly dear, you're such a bore
Baboon flinging monkey poo
Here's what the Alliance'll do to you
Give you love, give you attention,
By mocking you, and did I mention
That you are just a joke to us
A moron who rides life's short bus
Leave us now, you mindless fool
You floating turd in our swimming pool
You warthog-faced retarded putz
You dripping sore upon our nuts
You feckless, brainless, drooling mass
You feeble, filthy, ignorant ass
Sic Semper Tyrannis, and fare thee well
Now f*** off, troll, and burn in hell.
posted by Harvey at 7:42:18 PM permalink HOME
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TRUTH AND HUMOR
A long time ago, I said:
When you're trying to be funny, you need the right mix of truth and
exaggeration. If it's all exaggeration, it's just a lie. If it's all
truth, it's just a chemistry book.
Frank J. of IMAO is one of the best in the business when it comes to getting the mix juuuuuust right. However, when it comes to the Democratic Underground (may they all rot in hell forever), they are just so naturally over-the-top in their insanity, that it's almost impossible to exaggerate what they say enough for it to be truly funny.
However, Frank J. gives it his best shot with his Universal Democratic Underground Thread, and I think he manages to get a couple yuks out of the chemistry book:
halfempty
4. Nothing we can do
This just make me feel so depressed. There is nothing Bush*
and the neo-cons won't do to keep power and wage war. Remember, these
are the same people who rigged an election, killed Carnahan and
Wellstone, and stole my bong. They're going to steal the election again
with the "liberal media" helping them all the way. Then they'll plunge
the world into death and chaos and I'll never be able to get another
bong.
----
halffull
5. This will sink Bush*
I disagree, halfempty, this is exactly what is going to
make people realize that Bush* really is like Hitler… and then everyone
will turn against him… and then true progressives will get in office…
and then peace will be had in the world… and then gumdrops will fall
from the sky… and then unicorns will roam the land once again.
Check out the rest of it and see what you think.
posted by Harvey at 6:31:24 PM permalink HOME
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© Copyright 2005 Harvey Olson.
Last update: 9/10/2005; 5:12:17 PM.
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MAIN ARCHIVES
CATEGORY ARCHIVES
GRAFFITI CURRENCY
200 WORDS OR LESS
FILTHY LIES
LOVE NOTES
PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR
KING OF THE BLOGS
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