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Tuesday, February 10, 2004
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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE
(Introduction)
I love her, that is all I can say. I cannot find the words to do justice to the rest of my feelings.
posted by Harvey at 10:01:34 PM permalink HOME
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI
CURRENCY
[The Juggalos will come for you! feminem fan.]
The Caucasian Rap, or "Crap", turf-wars heat up and threaten blood in the streets as Insane Clown Posse fans and Eminem fans
face off across America's currency. The general populace, however,
remains unaware of the threat, due to its sudden fascination with a LEFT breast that has started popping out on monitors all across the country.
[hat tip to ErosBlog for the boobie pointer]
posted by Harvey at 9:58:46 PM permalink HOME
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SEARCH FORM HELP
Lately I've noticed that the search form in my sidebar doesn't include
the entered text when searching Google. I've noticed the problem with
both Mozilla and IE. It used to work fine.
Here's the code:
<form action="http://www.google.com/search" target="_blank">
<input name="as_q" type="text" />
<input class="go" type="submit" name="submit" value=" Search Bad Money " />
<input type="hidden" name="as_sitesearch" value="radio.weblogs.com" />
<input type="hidden" name="as_q" value="+0126975" />
</form>
Any ideas? Did Google change something recently?
posted by Harvey at 9:32:16 PM permalink HOME
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HURRAY FOR LATVIA!
A few months back, I mentioned that I got picked up by a Latvian humor blog (that sentence STILL looks weird) and I puzzled over what was written there.
A couple weeks ago, AnetiX, who was one of the commenters, got in touch
with me and generously offered to translate the post and the comments
as best he could:
- Uzgâju vienu lapu (weblogu) kur viens dþekiòs aiz
- naukodarît apzîmç naudu.
I find some page (blog), where some guy, when he has boring, he mark money.
- Tur 1 un 5 bankotas dolârus!
There is 1 and 5 dollar paper currency.
- Nez vai tas ir daudz, bet zçl ka Latvijâ nau tâda
- dzîve, ka varçtu naudu izmantot kâ zîmçðanas papîru!!
I don't know, it's much or not in there contry, but in Latvia
is not so good life, to money, can use to drawing paper.
- Ok, mees gaidiisim jauno paveersienu.
Ok, we will wait news (micro promise to make new PHP engine).
- AnetiX @ 20:29:55 25/9/2003
- We wish you a new style,
- We wish you a new style,
- We wish you a new style,
- And engins include.
This I think, not need translate. ;))
- :) Maz noveeleejums. ;) [RITMS: We wish you a merry
- cristmas.]
Little wish [RHYTHM: We wish you a Merry Christmas.]
- SpokS @ 21:35:36 25/9/2003
> man nez kapeec liekas ka "kopistiskajaa" blogaa buutu
> reaalaak spamot. Vairaak apmekleetaaju utt. Protams,
> katram gribaas lapaa buut adminam, bet nu.. Un ir veel
> 1 lieta. zinot no.lv kvalitaati, iespeejami arii db
> zudumi utt.
He speak about blogs and some servers. I'ts not about your page. ;)
- micro @ 23:33:22 25/9/2003
- Bûs vien jâpiekrît Spokam abos gadîjumos, ka
- megakrutâk ir rakstît kopçjâ blogâ un arî tas ka katrs
- vçlâs bût lapas admins! un arî to ka no.lv ir
- nestabilz! Mna tik radâs viena "pârkûlîga" ideja ::
- mosh vaºetu sarunâr ar Day.lv lai manu domainu
- pârmaina no micro.day.lv uz coders.day.lv !!! ko par
- to Jûs sakat?
There he say, about my new hosting. :)
- SpokS @ 23:58:46 25/9/2003
- a varbuut AnetiX pac var ar Zigmaaru sarunaat hostinga
- vietu ;)
Some idea for me. :)
- micro @ 00:10:30 26/9/2003
- es jau tikai izteicu savu domu. (nau jau jâbïauj)
Not for you blog...
- Little_Hacker @ 00:15:30 26/9/2003
- ideja nav slikta.. a mozh sametamies naudu, nopeerkam
- kasti, domainu iireejam netu ?? :D /me smejas
Some idea to me.
- Gints @ 16:19:51 26/9/2003
- Nu bet ja buus coders.day.lv kas tad te buus ??
Some idea for micro.
- micro @ 23:17:30 26/9/2003
- nu emm te paarcels anteixa coderu lapu!!!
Some idea to me.
There not nothing serious about your blog. All talk is about my
hosting, and some wish to micro blog. :) I hope, you help this text, to understand
what we say. :) I again apologize for my bad english knowledge. :(
Thank you AnetiX. You have made this humble blogger very happy. No need
to apologize for your English. It's MUCH better than my Latvian :-)
Anyone else need some Latvian translated?
Oh, and THIS is universal.
Now that he's got permalinks, I think I'm blogrolling microDay Weblog. Not that I expect my Latvian to get any better, but I do find it fascinating to see how much I can make out in a language that doesn't have strong Greek or Latin roots.
And with pictures like this, who needs words, anyway? :-)
posted by Harvey at 8:53:10 PM permalink HOME
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AL QAEDA RECRUITING
(A PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR ASSIGNMENT)
Somewhere in the dusty, rock-strewn desert of Afghanistan, Ahmed sits in a ragged tent, processing new Al Qaeda recruits…
Ahmed: Next!
Mohammed: I am Mohammed.
Ahmed: Geez, ANOTHER one? This is a beautiful land full of a proud and
wise people. Why the HELL can't we name our children something besides
freakin' MOHAMMED? What's wrong with Frank or Matt or Josh? I swear by Allah that if I have to write "Mohammed" on one more form I'll shove a scimitar up my own ass just to end the pain!… But enough of my troubles. What brings you here, dear friend?
Mohammed: I saw your ad for new Al Qaeda recruits laying in the
camel-dung outside my hovel, and I am eager to lend my support for this
noble cause. Such stirring words you have written!: "Wanted: Brave and
intrepid soldiers to wage holy war on infidel American Satan-dogs. Help
drive this cursed blemish from our sacred lands. Rewards are great,
risks are small, and even if you die… Hey! 72 virgins! Let's hear a big
WHOO-HOO for Allah!"
Ahmed: Yes, well... you have to understand... that was written some time ago, and certain… circumstances… have changed.
Mohammed: You mean we are no longer battling the blight of the kufr oppressors?
Ahmed: Oh, no, we are still battling.
It's just that, well… ever since the victories… uh, TEMPORARY victories
of the Americans in Iraq, we've had to make certain… er… cutbacks.
Mohammed: Cutbacks? I don't understand.
Ahmed: Well, with Saddam out of the picture, we've lost a major source
of funding for training and equipment. Even the Saudi princes are
afraid to support us for fear of angering the fearsome cowboy
desecrators of all that is sacred.
Mohammed: Cowards! After we drive the Western Crusaders from our beloved sand, we shall slaughter the collaborators like pigs!
Ahmed: It is well to hear you speak so bravely! We are in need of such
fearless men as yourself. On this, your first day of training, we will
be teaching you how to fly a plane.
Mohammed: Yes! I will be proud to martyr myself by toppling another of
Satan's towers with one of their own airplanes! ULULULULULU!
Ahmed: That's the spirit. Now, we used
to have a 747 in Iraq to use for training. Sadly, it is now out of our
hands. Uh… TEMPORARILY! Meanwhile, you will be using, uh… alterative
training methods. Here… take this.
Mohammed: A piece of paper?
Ahmed: Yes. Now… fold it like this… and this… and back… and this part
goes over here… no, the other way… yes… and one more… THERE!
Mohammed: A paper airplane?
Ahmed: We like to refer to it as a "budget-friendly training device". Now… imagine that you're piloting this…
Mohammed: But I don't know how to fly a plane!
Ahmed: Later, shahid, after
we've untemporaried the 747… which will happen much sooner if you'll
just SHUT THE F*** UP AND DO AS YOU'RE TOLD BEFORE I BITCH-SLAP YOU
WITH THIS KORAN!
Mohammed: A thousand pardons! I defer to the painful-looking leather-bound wisdom of Allah!
Ahmed: Better. Now... imagine that you're piloting this, and use it to destroy this scale model of the Empire Satan Building.
Mohammed: It's just a pyramid made out of empty plastic cups.
Ahmed: [bitch!][slap!] ARE YOU QUESTIONING ALLAH'S WILL?
Mohammed: OW! No, no! I will fly as Allah directs!
Ahmed: And make little airplane sounds while you do it… BBBBBBPPPPPRRRRBBBB!
Mohammed: Air…airplane sounds?
Ahmed: [raising the already spit- and blood-stained holy book] Koran 3:16 says MAKE THE DAMN SOUNDS!
Mohammed: Yes! Yes!… uh… bpppprpprrprpbbbp…
Ahmed: LOUDER! This is a 4 engine Boeing, not a damn Lawnboy! Put your lip into it, man!
Mohammed: BBBBBBPPPPPRRRRBBBB!
Ahmed: Better, better… now, DESTROY THE SYMBOLIC PENIS OF SATAN!
Mohammed: BBBBBBPPPPPRRRRBBBB! […tap…][sound of empty plastic cups
hitting the desert sand]
Ahmed [raising Koran menacingly]: mmmm?
Mohammed: uh… CRASH! BOOM! AIEEEEE!
Ahmed: Excellent! Excellent! We'll make a martyr out of you yet.
Mohammed: Yes! I can almost feel the 72 virgins promised by Allah caressing my tiny withered loins already!
Ahmed: Uh… Mohammed…
Mohammed: Yes? ([fantasizing] mmmm… that's right my sweet nymphs… fondle my
mighty sewing needle… uh, SWORD!)
Ahmed: About those 72 virgins… it seems the Americans have been slaughtering us like dogs lately, and…
Mohammed [coming cloudily back to reality]: Hmmm… What?
Ahmed: Uh… I mean... many, MANY brave martyrs have earned their
promised reward in the last few months, and… well… we're a little short
on virgins right now…
Mohammed: I won't get 72?
Ahmed: No, no… it's not that. You'll still get 72, except they're not quite virgins…
Mohammed: Well, perhaps it IS better that they have a LITTLE experience in the ways of man-pleasure. 72 young, nubile…
Ahmed: Uh… neither, actually.
Mohammed: Slim? Flexible?
Ahmed: Not so much…
Mohammed: Just what will I be getting.
Ahmed: 72 French whores.
Mohammed: I've never been to France. What are the women like there?
Ahmed: Hairy, snaggle-toothed, and they smell like ass.
Mohammed: Ah! Then it will be just like making love with my sweet Fatima
Ahmed: Your wife?
Mohammed: My camel.
Ahmed: Ah, yes. Nothing beats "bumping the hump".
Mohammed: That's good enough for me. I'm in.
Ahmed: Praise Allah!… Ali! We have another recruit! Take Mohammed out back for small arms training.
Ali: Very good. [as they walk away] Now, take this stick, point it at that rock over there, and shout BANG!
Ahmed: NEXT!
Mohammed: I am Mohammed, and…
Ahmed: awwwww CRAP!...
SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!
posted by Harvey at 7:05:03 PM permalink HOME
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ALMOST OUT
hM of homicidalManiak is almost out of the Air Force, and has posted a list of 20 things she learned. If you've ever served, I really recommend this post. You'll be nodding your head at such things as:
6. You never realize how much freedom you really do have until you actually have to get permission to use the bathroom.
7. It is entirely possible to be
nicknamed Mario (Andretti) when you are driving a bus that only does
60mph -- for other people, anyway -- on the autobahn.
8. If you are at work for more than 12 hours nobody really cares if you are being silly on the radio.
9. If you are doing school work at work, make sure your book is not laying on the button for speaking into the radio.
But the one that gave me the biggest smile was #17:
17. Whenever you watch a movie
involving the military in any capacity you will immediately notice all
the wrong things involving the uniform and customs and courtesies.
I'm especially bad about this one in one particular area. In the movie
Star Trek IV, Chekhov goes on board the aircraft carrier Enterprise to
collect some high energy photons from the reactor in the #4 Main
Machinery Room (MMR).
Two problems here. First, the Enterprise was deployed when they made
this movie, so they had to shoot it on board the USS Ranger (they
mention this in the credits). Second, I actually spent about 3 of my 4
years on the Enterprise assigned to the #4 MMR. The nits I could pick are endless, minute, and skull-crushingly dull.
So far, I've only tortured Beloved Wife with these. The rest of you may
offer up prayers of thanksgiving to whatever deity or deities you may
worship that I've spared you.
posted by Harvey at 6:34:27 PM permalink HOME
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ON LINK EXCHANGES
Lynn over at Reflections in d minor brought it up, and there's some interesting discussion in the comments.
I've gotten a few e-mailed link requests recently. They were painfully
generic, and easily dismissed. Although I understand that some people
enjoy trading links (*cough* Kevin *cough*), and I'm very supportive of the "doesn't hurt to ask" theory (*cough* Marty *cough*), I don't bother with these sorts of impersonal requests.
My blogroll is my bookmarks list of daily reads. I keep it short enough
that I can make it through every day. If I have extra time, I check my
referrer logs. I click on any strange names I find, and if they keep
popping up, I keep going back. After a while, if I keep liking what I
see when I go there, they make the blogroll and I make time for them in
my daily routine. That's how Note-It Posts, homicidalManiak, The Cheese Stands Alone, Pepper of the Earth, and ErosBlog
got there. Admittedly it's going to get harder and harder to make it to
my sidebar as time goes by, because I only have so much free time. But
that's still your best shot at getting there.
Oh, and leaving comments helps put you on my radar screen, too.
Referrer logs might be hit & miss, but I read ALL my comments.
posted by Harvey at 6:20:22 PM permalink HOME
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YAY!
Susie's NAKED!
Unfortunately, her digital camera has beal, so pictures aren't posted yet.
However, the verbal's good enough for me, since I was bitten by a
radioactive Hustler magazine as a teenager, and I now possess
superhuman fantasizing abilties.
posted by Harvey at 6:09:31 PM permalink HOME
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A REMINDER TO MY CUSTOMERS
If you're going to smoke cheap cigars in your car before coming into my
bank, please crack a window. Or bring me a bucket to puke in. Whichever.
Eh. I shouldn't complain. At least my customers aren't bringing me treasures like what Owen of Boots & Sabers discovered.
posted by Harvey at 6:05:47 PM permalink HOME
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BLISTERS, BLACKENED SKIN, SEARING AGONY...
... and those are the good parts of this week's Bonfire of the Vanities experience over at d-42.
First, though, I have to apologize for violating a sacred trust.
Apparently I made the unforgivable mistake of submitting a post that
the host actually ENJOYED:
This entry is my favorite from the week's Bonfire. It's by Harvey of Bad Money,
and it's about how a study has shown that men can take more pain when
it's inflicted by women. I know the truth: we just don't want to appear
as wusses.
As punishment, not only will I link the worst joke ever to be put into pixels (with the possible exception of every single Kang A. Roo joke the Bartender ever posted), I will actually blogroll the poster - Jim of Snooze Button Dreams.
Actually, I've been considering doing that anyway - on and off - for
months, since every time someone says "Go see what Jim posted", it's
always worth the trip. That, and I'm on his Really Silly Shit list
(which is, as we all know, what RSS really stands for).
Ok, Jim, start entertaining me. I'll just be over here slamming tequila
shots, trying to get the taste of that Tom Jones joke out of my mouth.
posted by Harvey at 6:02:32 PM permalink HOME
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© Copyright 2005 Harvey Olson.
Last update: 9/10/2005; 5:12:22 PM.
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MAIN ARCHIVES
CATEGORY ARCHIVES
GRAFFITI CURRENCY
200 WORDS OR LESS
FILTHY LIES
LOVE NOTES
PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR
KING OF THE BLOGS
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