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Friday, February 20, 2004
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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE
(Introduction)
Love is when you have a bad day, but when you see the one you love, everything seems ok.
posted by Harvey at 10:56:29 PM permalink HOME
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI
CURRENCY
Trying to raise money to repair the extensive damage resulting from the comment party, The Bartender from Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon took to handing out subtle hints with his customer's change.
posted by Harvey at 10:53:52 PM permalink HOME
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I AM A SHORTSIGHTED FOOL
I'm a strong believer in fact-checking, so before I hit post on
something, I'll usually try to think through the consequenses of my
words, and do any necessary Googling ahead of time.
However, Space Monkey of The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles pointed out a recent HUGE error in my thinking. Mr. Monkey recently suggested
that, in order to stay true to the "where was George" standard, we
should demand to know John Kerry's whereabouts at 7 minute intervals in
order to be able to safely say that "he did not have sex with that
woman, Alexandra Polier". In the comments, I stated that perhaps 7 seconds would be more appropriate, as Democrats aren't exactly known for their staying power.
Oh, yes, I am amusing, but also dumber than a granite pancake, as Monkey explains:
You see, Following the Terry Mcauliff Scandal Handbook 2004 Release the plan is we get the 7 minute version, pretend to peruse it for a millisecond or two and THEN declare/demand, in order,
"Hey, what are you hiding here? There are 6 minute 59 second gaps between every entry."
"Where's the video coverage?"
"Why is there no independent confirmation of the 10:33am restroom entry of July 3rd, 1989?"
"Where are the botox treatment entries?"
"What is NOT in here says more than what IS in here!"
"What's BUSH Kerry covering up?"
"Fake medals!"
"Wink."
"NUDGE!!!"
Then we demand and get the one minute version and keep going and keep going until Kerry Bush is elected or some other more scandalous scandal is generated from all of this sewermongering.
Be patient, Harvey, we'll get the 7 *second* version, don't you worry. Don't you worry.
I gratefully acquiese to the wisdom of my betters on this issue.
posted by Harvey at 10:42:57 PM permalink HOME
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DEATH BY GROUP WORK
I'm not a team player. I hate working in groups, because I'm smart,
perceptive, dilligent, and I write well. Which means that,
statistically, anyone you group me with is likely to be stupid, dull,
lazy, and illiterate by comparison. The typical result of group work
for me is that the ankle-weights ride my coat-tails to a better grade,
and I only hope and pray that they don't actively try to do anything
obstructive in the meantime. There was one particularly horrid project
where some squish-noggin who hadn't even done the reading actually tried to argue with me on which course of action to take.
I don't mind if people are dumb, as long as they stay out of my way while they're doing it.
The only good group work
experience I ever had was where we had to do some surveys and present
the results in front of the class, with a 5-page paper due on the
results.
I lived off campus, the other 3 lived on. What I proposed was that, if
they'd do all the surveying, I'd write the entire paper - sort of the
"division of labor according to talent theory". They were a little
uncertain at first, but after I showed them an editorial I'd written
for the campus paper, they trusted me. Even though we didn't "each do a
little" in every area, and I probably put more actual clock time into it than they did, it still felt fair, and I was happy to share the A.
That, and we all agreed the prof was a stupid cow.
On the other hand, if you find yourself in a group with
some complete slack-off tail-dragger who meets your group for the first
time on the day the assignment is due, then... well, Trey shows how this ought to be handled.
posted by Harvey at 10:19:45 PM permalink HOME
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ON CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE
In San Francisco, they're marrying gay folks in violation of State Law. In the comments to this entry at Note-It Posts,
there's some debate on the virtues of this move. Dana says these folks
are elected officials, and their job is to uphold the law whether they
like it or not. Mikey argues that when there's a bad law, a little
civil disobedience is in order.
I think Mikey misunderstands what civil disobedience is all about. The
purpose is NOT to violate the unjust law. The PURPOSE is to gain
sympathy from bystanders for your cause. Here's how it works: you do
something harmless, yet illegal - say sitting at a lunch counter. But
your goal is not to eat lunch. Your goal is to have the authorities
enforce the law by arresting you. You don't resist, but you don't
assist, you just let them drag you away. Then you sit in jail for the
"crime" of wanting a hambuger. Other folks around the nation get pissed
off & tell their elected officials to scrap the laws because being
dragged off to jail for sitting on a stool seems so insanely
disproportionate.
If the San Franciscans wanted to engage in civil disobedience, they'd
have gay couples trying to get arrested for being married so that
people could see the injustice. As it is, they're just flouting the law
like childish, unprincipled anarchists, and they're not getting
anyone's sympathy.
If you're going to do this, folks, then do it to the hilt.
Don't dabble. It makes you look foolish.
posted by Harvey at 10:06:41 PM permalink HOME
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MORE WORDS
The Bartender has returned from hiatus and posted part 3 of the Lush Lexicon at Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon. Some of my favorites include:
Loudmouth soup
A shot of strong liquor.
MDA
Mysterious Drinking Accident. When
you wake up with bruises and cuts you have no recollection of
receiving. Also called UPI (Unidentified Party Injury), UBB
(Unidentified Beer Bruise) and drunk marks.
NBR
No Beers Required: Someone sufficiently attractive enough to hit on while sober. [Harv's note: see also "Corner of the Bar Babe"]
One for the ditch
A less optimistic version of One for the road.
Plenty more at the bar.
Meanwhile, Barkeep is pretty testy about the mess we left from the comment party, and in the comments to this post
hints broadly that he's thinking about shutting the place down. I
figure if we get him drunk enough, he'll forget all about THAT dumbass
idea. He's holding last call right now, so stop by, buy one for
yourself and one for him, and tell him he's loved & needed.
Or tell him "F*** you, Bartender", which is about the same thing.
posted by Harvey at 10:02:12 PM permalink HOME
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WINNING FRANK J'S FUNNY
The Top 10 topic is up at the Emperor's Palace:
"Top Ten Ways the Loony Moonbat Left Will Make Themselves Look Even MORE Hopelessly Ridiculous in 2004"
Submissions were due today. I got mine in last night.
I must admit that, when I first saw the topic, my intial reaction
was... less than enthusiastic. Since the news lately has been nothing
but the Democratic primaries, nothing much immediately suggested
itself. I got that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach - "I've got
NOTHING! How the hell am I going to get 10 somethings in 24 hours? I'm DOOMED!"
The first idea hit me before I left from work. Another one followed
during the drive home. The rest came in fairly short order once I sat
down at home in front of my computer.
It's a good list, and right now, it's in Susie's
warm, sensitive hands, awaiting its moment to be posted on the IMAO
stage this Monday, where it will prance in the limelight with its five
competitors.
Is it good enough to beat the 4 minor competitors? Probably.
Can it beat Frank J? ...possibly... I really think... possibly.
Don't try to figure out which is mine. Just go vote for the best one. Either it's mine, or I don't deserve to win.
Quite possibly it's mine, though. Oh yes. Quite possibly.
posted by Harvey at 9:53:01 PM permalink HOME
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© Copyright 2005 Harvey Olson.
Last update: 9/10/2005; 5:12:39 PM.
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