Quote of the day

"Lady, we're running a zoo not a supper club.  Now get this monkey naked and bring him out to the car."  

  ---from A Short History of a Small Place by T. R. Pearson

6:26:23 PM     

Top sixteen signs your cat may be plotting world domination

16. Sits on your newspaper in the morning and carefully reads the coded message that Garfield sends out every day

15. Used to sleep on top of TV, now monitors CNN 24 hours a day

14. Notably absent from home during surprise feline invasion of Poland

13. When you enter the room, Snowball and the other members of the Tri-Cateral Commission stop talking and begin playing with yarn

12. Behind the couch you find a forged passport, plane tickets and nine suicide bombs

11. What you thought was "heat"; is actually a four-legged goose step

10. Well "somebody" subscribed to alt.cats.world.domination

9. Autopsy of the last mouse left on your doormat reveals "tattoo" to be blueprint of the UN building

8. Constantly petting that bald man he keeps on his lap

7. Kitty Chow spilled on the floor spells out "Drop the car keys and leave the door open or the dog gets it in the head"

6. Then -- dead mice in the kitchen. Now -- dead third world dictators in the basement

5. Judging from the kitchen, he seems to be working on some kind of "land mine" technology

4. Fluffy is now sleeping only 21 hours a day, down from 23

3. Has recently been acting somewhat...aloof

2. What your cat lacks in charisma and good looks, he makes up for with his ruthless handling of rival software companies

1. Somehow, you're now subscribed to "Pussy of Fortune" magazine

6:17:35 PM     

How to Can the Spam

Steven Levy writing for Newsweek on the subject of spam...

"The best way to start liberating ourselves from this paralyzing e-blizzard is to call, write or buttonhole our representatives and let them know how we feel. Oh, hell, go ahead and spam the lot of them. Maybe then they’ll listen."
Full article here

6:10:00 PM     

Coldest place in the universe unveiled

Astronomers have released the first photograph of what is believed to be the coldest place in the universe.  And no, it's not my gynecologist's office...

5:55:52 PM     

Songs that drive me crazy

5:41:52 PM     

My mother's secret

My mother arranged to treat me to lunch today.  She suggested we eat at the new Chinese restaurant, and on the drive from here to there she told me a story. 

"Did I ever tell you I was engaged to another man before I married your father?" 

Um, no, I think you somehow managed to leave out that little detail, Mom.

"He hated smoking, so I never let him see me smoke - he hated makeup, so I never wore it around him - he didn't like for me to wear high heels, so I always wore flats.  He was a real religious man."

Ohhhhh.

"I was alot like you at that age, not 18 yet, and rebellious.  He'd given me a gorgeous 1/2 ct. diamond engagement ring.  I swear it was the biggest, prettiest diamond I'd ever seen.  Was the first diamond I'd ever worn..."

(me smiling)

"Anyway, his sister and I were friends, and we took a train ride to visit with him for a weekend once.  I'd never really gone anywhere on my own, and not only did I smoke on the train, but I kept reapplying my lipstick after each cigarette.  When we arrived at the train station, Bill was there to meet us.  He kissed me.  He kissed me, and smelled the tobacco, saw the lipstick, the fancy dress, high heels and upswept hair.  He was not pleased."

I bet you looked beautiful, Mom!  Why didn't you marry him?

"We had a terrible fight, and when the weekend was over, I removed the engagement ring from my finger and gave it back to him.  His sister and I returned to Kentucky, and I cried all the way home while she consoled me best she could.  Bill and I corresponded for a few years, even after I met and married your father." 

I can't believe you've never told me this before.  (all the while, I'm envisioning my mother at seventeen years old and cannot for the life of me imagine her as "rebellious")

"I saw him once after you were born, and noticed him wearing a very nice gold and diamond gentleman's ring.  When I commented on it, he told me he'd had it fashioned from the diamond in that engagement ring I'd given back to him.  He said that diamond was only meant to belong to one woman....me..."

Whatever became of him?  Did he marry someone else?  Does he live near us?

"He was killed in an airplane crash.  He and his son.  I'm not sure what happened to his wife..."

It's difficult to think of my mother as a sensual young woman longing for romance and taking trips away from her rural Kentucky home to meet a man for a weekend rendevous.  She recounted the events as if they'd happened yesterday, and I could almost hear the giggles and whispers between two teenage girls sneaking cigarettes and sharing a tube of lipstick in a train station.

3:20:00 PM