Sunday, February 02, 2003

Too Much Time On My Hands Bored?  Yep, me too.  So bored that I started thinking about socks.  Seriously, when was the last time you thought long and hard about your socks?  Been awhile, hasn't it?  Too long, I'd venture to say. Luckily I've got your back.  Or your feet -- whichever.  Though I could post thousands of sock websites, here's the creme de la sock: The Sock Calculator:  Find out how many socks you've worn during your lifetime. The Bureau of Missing Socks: Devoted to solving the question of what happens to missing single socks. The Joy of Socks:  Remember to always practice safe socks.  Socks 101:  Make your own damn socks. 6:55:02 PM     |

Just When You Think You're Having A Bad Day One of my favorite shows is COPS.  Not that it provides intellectual stimulation or has much artistic merit (COPS has neither), but because the people shown in each episode serve to remind me of how much better off in life I am than them.  I've yet to be thrown on the ground and handcuffed, or pepper-sprayed, or cited for public intoxication.  I've also never lived in a mobile home, solicited a prostitute, or loaded-up on meth, which are apparently some of the prerequisites for starring in the show. Some photos from classic scenes: Apparently her crime was too much eye make-up.  Close-up shot. Another mascara malady. When I grow old, I want to be just like this guy at a bar with no pants on. I never want to grow-up to be this naked guy, though. She can read me my rights any time she wants. "You have the right to stop being such a loser." But can she walk-the-dog? "Here, let me tuck you in." By the way, if you're really into handcuffs -- I mean really into handcuffs -- then this is the place for you. As good as COPS is, though, it sometimes misses an uplifting story that can only be found online.  Here's what happened to one solid citizen who made the mistake of insulting the wrong woman's baby.  Women and girl charged in man's assault by Daniel Jackson The News Herald Two women and a 14-year-old girl were arrested Monday after police found a naked man lying outside a Springfield residence, claiming that he'd been beaten, burned and raped with two objects, Springfield police reported. Ashley Nicole Davis, 14, is accused of kicking the victim, disrobing him, raping him with two objects and setting his chest and pubic hair on fire while he was lying unconscious in the yard outside of 232 Central Ave. Melissa Jean Bennett, 21, told Springfield police that she took part in setting the victim's hair on fire, police reported. Amanda Hicks, 20, the owner of the residence, was charged with misdemeanor battery. "We responded to a residence and found a male lying on the ground naked, crying and carrying on," said Springfield Investigator Leigh Anne Strickland. "He was extremely intoxicated and had been using methamphetamine." Springfield Sgt. Lamar Hobbs said the victim was visiting Bennett and was partying with the suspects. He'd been using meth and taking shots of vodka, he said. Hicks and the victim got into an argument after he made an insulting comment about her baby, Hobbs said. Bennett took the victim outside. After a short time, Hicks walked outside, grabbed the man by the hair and punched him in the face, he said. Once the victim was on the ground, Davis kicked him and hit him in the face with her knee, Strickland said. Then she disrobed him, raped him with two objects and burned him. The victim was slipping in and out of consciousness, but when Davis burned him, he came to and started swinging and fighting, Hobbs said. Hobbs said Hicks called police. When police arrived, Davis and two other witnesses took off running, he said. The victim was taken to Bay Medical Center where he was treated and released. Police later arrested Davis in Callaway and charged her with aggravated battery, sexual battery, resisting arrest and criminal mischief. She was taken to the Bay County Jail and transferred to the Department of Juvenile Justice. Bennett was charged with aggravated battery and taken to the Bay County Jail where she was being held Tuesday on a $15,000 bond. Hicks will receive a summons to appear in court on a battery charge, Strickland said. Mindy Lynn Young, 18, who witnessed the incident, was also arrested and charged with fleeing the scene, a misdemeanor. A 14-year-old female, who also witnessed the incident, was not charged.  Source: The News Herald - Panama City, Florida. Doesn't that story just reaffirm your faith in humanity?  I know it does for me.  And were you as surprised as me to find out that alcohol and drugs were involved?  I do have two questions, though:  1)  What did he say about the baby that deserved burning and rape by "two objects," and 2) what exactly were those "two objects"?  Sleep will not come easily until I find out. 4:02:13 PM     |

© Copyright 2005 Alex L. Mauldin.