Tuesday, February 11, 2003

"Red Ken" Is The Man! Most of you won't care, but for those of you going on the trip to London for Spring Break, there's a very cool article posted on MSNBC's website about London's mayor and his move to slash theatre and restaurant prices. 8:12:21 PM     |

Sir, can I borrow a kidney? I don't know if I could ever do this, since I sometimes get upset when a kid asks me for a pen. Besides, what do you do if the kidney you had left decides to quit on you?  Do you ask for the one you gave away back? Decisions.  Decisions.   Bonus feature:  ever wondered what the inside of a Magic 8-ball looked like?  Wonder no more! 6:59:46 PM     |

"Mom?  Dad?  We need to talk about your grades." This is awesome. 6:38:46 PM     |

Homies, Romans, Countrymen It's been a few weeks since I got in touch with my ghetto self.  Last time was when I improved Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful."  But that's so last month.  Time to come out with some fresh material.  And since my students have nearly wrapped up Julius Caesar, in honor of their soon to be successful romp through Shakespeare's classic work, I bring you Antony's funeral speech (original text) -- if he delivered it in da hood. Act III, Scene 2 -- Antony gives a shout out 4 his main homie afta' dat punk ass Brutus Homies, Romans, countrymen, lend me yo' ears; I come 2 bury Caesah', not 2 give him props. Da evil dat dudes do lives afta' them; Da badass be oft buried wit' deir bones; So's let it be wit' Caesah'. Da kickass Brutus Hat' told yo' ass Caesah' wuz ambitious, dig dis: If it wuz so's, it wuz some majah fuk’d-up sheet, An' messdup-like hat' Caesah' paid for it. In da house, wit permishun o' Brutus an' da damn rest-- 4 Brutus be some honourable dude; So's be they all, all honourable dudes-- Come I 2 jive in Caesah's funeral. He wuz mah nigga, faithful an' cool t' me, dig dis: But Brutus says he wuz ambitious; An' Brutus be some honourable dude. He hat' brought many captives 2 his crib Whose ransoms dun did da damn general coffa's fill, dig dis: Dun did dis in Caesah' seem ambitious? When dat da damn po' have cried, Caesah' hat' wept, dig dis: Ambishun should be made o' stronga stuff, dig dis: Yet Brutus says he wuz ambitious; An' Brutus be some honourable dude.  Man! Yo' ass all dun did spot dat on da Lupuh'cal I three mo’fookin’ times presented him some king-like lid, Which he dun did turn down three fookin' times: wuz dis ambishun? Yet Brutus says he wuz ambitious; An', shaw, he be some honourable dude! I jive not t' diss whut Brutus jived, But in da house I be 2 jive whut I does know.  No diggety! Yo' ass all dun did love him once, not without cause, dig dis: Whut da fook keeps yo' ass den t' mourn 4 him? O judgment! you split ta 2 badass biatches, An' dudes have lost deir mindz. Hold up; Mah heart be in da bonebox dair wit' mah homie, An' I gots'ta stopz till it come back 2 me.  Word! 6:18:46 PM     |

© Copyright 2005 Alex L. Mauldin.