Friday, May 02, 2003

Didn't Make The List...Again People magazine has named its "50 Most Beautiful People in the World" again, and (remain seated while I tell you this) I didn't make the list. Ok, now stand up and scream, "RECOUNT!!" Women who did make the list: Halle Berry (would have gotten my vote, had they asked) Nicole Kidman (ok, but she was a Scientologist, so she loses points in the IQ department) Britney Spears (Um, no.  I can count 50 more beautiful people than her at the local Wal-mart.) Catherine Zeta-Jones (Yeah, beautiful, pregant, and she smokes -- while pregnant.  Compared to her, Kidman is a friggin' nuclear physicist.) Salma Hayek (Hubba hubba.) Queen Latifah (Um, no.  No.  No.  No.) Norah Jones (Cute, but 50 most beautiful in the whole world?) Here are some of the guys on the list, thereby stealing my spot: Ben Affleck (Someone put him out of my misery, please.) Daniel Day-Lewis (Ok, because he can kick my ass just by looking at me.) Peter Krause (Who?) Leonardo DiCaprio (Damn you.  Damn you to hell, DiCrappio.) Tony Parker  (Cool, a Spur.  Even sat at a restaurant at a table next to his once.  Didn't know I was sitting next to one of the 50 most beautiful people in the world, though.  Just thought I was sitting near someone who spoke French.) Farruquito (I had one once.  Had me on the toilet all the next day.) So as you can see, this list People compiled is next to useless.  "50 Most Beautiful."  Hardly.  50 Most Conceited Now That They Are On This List, maybe.  Not that I would be if I made the list.  I'd use my crown to create world peace, feed starving children, save the whales, and find Waldo.  Yes sir.  One day, I will have my day.  You just wait.  And wait.  And wait some more and see. 8:58:24 PM     |

© Copyright 2005 Alex L. Mauldin.