Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Strumming My Pain A headache is dominating my world at the moment.  Actually, it's been dominating for awhile.  It took up residence right above and behind my right eye soon after lunch, and it seems to have dug in and prepared for a fight.  My first plan of attack was a salvo of Tylenol.  Four barrages of little red missiles has not done much to deaden the moral of the enemy.  I can almost hear a voice deep inside my skull taunting, "Is that all you got?" I've also tried just laying down and closing my eyes for awhile.  Didn't work.  Tried distracting myself with high-interest activities (use your imagination here), but to no avail.  It's getting to the point where I think the Final Solution will involve a corkscrew and some ice. So instead of taking such drastic (though sensible at the moment) measures, I turn to my good ol' trusty internet.  Google search for "headaches" comes back with the National Headaches Foundation.  Didn't know there's such a thing, but I bet they rake in my tax dollars.  But just browsing their site gives me a worse headache.  They invite me to register for a headaches teleconference?  Download Powerpoint presentations on "Women and Headaches: What You Need to Know"??  What's more condusive to getting rid of a headache than a Powerpoint presentation?  A gun fired into my right frontal lobe, for one. Then there's the American Council for Headache Education.  ACHE.  Get it?  Hold on a sec while I finish up this noose I've been working on.... ACHE does provide such helpful information as: During the past year, nearly 90% of men and 95% of women have had at least one headache. Now I know that figure is off, especially for women.  Any married guy can set you straight on that number.  So with "statistics" like that, I know ACHE isn't going to be curing what ails me. Then there's Cluster Headaches, a support group for those with, you guessed it, "cluster headaches."  Just what I need -- to hang out with a bunch of whiners who are whining even more loudly than me. Finally there's Help For Headaches.  Again, nothing jumping out at me as a cure for this pineapple growing in my skull.  Instead you do get a nice picture of a guy who looks oddly like Leslie Nielsen.  But again, why do I want to subscribe to newsletters or join support groups?  I just want this pain to scoot. Ok, I give up.  But wait.  My head doesn't hurt anymore.  I think I've hit upon a solution for headaches!  Just bitch and whine online for awhiile in front of a potential audience of millions, and the pain will just melt away.  Anyone need a noose? 7:54:44 PM     |

© Copyright 2005 Alex L. Mauldin.