Political/Political Humor
Monday, August 18, 2003[11:25:45 PM]
It's not so much that Enron went out of business as that they all moved to Washington to work for Bush.
[9:06:02 PM]
Baghdad, Iraq (licentious (fair and balanced)) -- In a ploy to taunt American soldiers, Iraqi resistance fighters have distributed thousands of George W. Bush "action" dolls, dressed in women's clothing. American patrols are met with dozens of children holding Bush dolls in clothes ranging from shamelessly cut bikinis to more tasteful "little black dresses".
The most popular costume seems to be the itty bitty yellow bikini, though the pink halter top with purple mini-skirt and white, lace-up go-go boots also gets raves.
According to Army Pfc. Jerome Skaltenburg, 19, "everywhere I go, all I see is Georgia W. Bush dolls in dresses and bikinis. It might just be the sun, but the mini-skirt and boots Georgia is starting to look pretty good to me. All the Iraqi women are covered up like a Catholic grandmother in mourning."
According to Jerome's buddy, Lance Corporal Michael Douglas, the women's clothing isn't the worst part: "Oh, man! Some of them have real GI Joe dolls, and what they make Joe do to poor Georgia is not a pretty sight. Not at all. I don't know why we're here, and I don't think much of some AWOL rich white kid sending us here and then cutting veterans benefits so he can give his friends big tax cuts, but I would *not* want Bush to have done to him what these kids are making GI Joe do to the cross-dressing Bush dolls."
In signs of an escalating cross-dressing doll race, the US Army Fourth Infantry Division is planning saturation bombing of cross-dressing Shiite mullahs. Lt. Colonel Harvey Bush (no relation) today introduced reporters to a new doll ready for release next week -- "Madonna of the Minaret". The bearded "Maddie" comes with an easy-off robe that reveals a transvestite costume straight out of Rocky Horror Picture Show, complete with garters, stockings, teddy, and stilleto heels.
At the press conference, Colonel Bush made the Mullah doll do a strip tease dance while his aid hummed "The Stripper", provoking cat-calls and whistles from the reporters and soldiers present. Bush then said America has the most powerful army in the history of the world, and there is no way they would lose a cross-dressing doll race against some "skanky raghead terrorists from the armpit of the Arab world."
"You got dolls for us? Bring 'em on!" taunted Bush.
The outcome of the cross-dressing doll race is by no means certain. Safely in private after the press conference, an Iraqi journalist showed us his George W. Bush mini-skirted cheerleader doll. He turned it upside down and said, "You see? You can never win. Your George W. Bush doll is anatomically correct: it has no genitalia."
[5:44:50 PM]
Three months of energy deregulation in Ohio, and what do we have to show for it? A huge blackout. Good timing. Anybody want more deregulation?
[5:41:49 PM]
Imagine Diane Feinstein had run for governor. At the debates, would Arnold have groped her? If not, would he have to defend himself against charges of discrimination against older women?
"How does he know my breasts are real? I wasn't born yesterday, you know," said a hypothetical Feinstein.
"Oh, ya, Zay ah fine like ah shtein," said a would-be Schwarzenegger debate-groper.
[5:31:41 PM]
If Arnold becomes governor of California, will he follow-through on his commitments? Hmm. He has contracts to do at least two movies. If elected, he will have to break those commitments.
If Arnold thinks the children should "just say no to violence", do you *think* he should stop making movies where he stuffs women's heads into toilets? Or how about shooting people -- should he stop making movies where he shoots people?
[5:28:30 PM]
Arnold not a gay porn star
Los Angelos, CA (licentious) -- Schwarzenegger campaign staff *emphatically* deny that Arnold Schwarzenegger was *ever* in six gay pornography videos. "Not that we've seen every gay pornography video," said one staffer who insisted on anonymity.
[1:41:23 PM]
Bush called the blackouts a "wake-up call", then hit the snooze button and went back to sleep.
[1:39:44 PM]
*Arianna's* got the goods on Arnold....
Arnold hired Marty Wilson, who was a spokesman/PR flak for -- get this -- Reliant Energy, while Reliant was stealing billions from California.
Arnold is in the vest-pocket of the world's biggest thieves -- the Bush cronies.
Arnold relies on the people who did their best to destroy California. Only Davis prevented these guys from doing California in -- they got away with at least $45 billion during their so-call "energy crisis", and spent millions to collect recall signatures, and blockaded the California state budget -- specifically to promote the recall.
Californians should run Schwarzenegger and his crooks out of the state on a rail.
[9:21:28 AM]
"Mazen took a last breath and died before my eyes."
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Last update: 9/1/03; 11:53:31 PM.