200 WORDS OR LESS:

JUST IMAGINE

Geez, you're one of those "visualize world peace" tweedles, aren't you? All the time going on about "imagine" this and "consider" that, and "we need to have a national debate about the merits of the proposal, taking into full consideration the diverse viewpoints of…”

SHUT THE HELL UP!

You and your dither-skulled ilk are forever blathering on about the "power of imagination" and "the investigation of ideas”, and “talk, talk, yammer, yada, blah, blah…”

PLEASE. JUST. SHUT. UP!

You're the kind of "it's only good if it isn't real" Chomsky-idiot-twaddle-curious-green-ideas-sleep-furiously, “my, isn’t that deep and meaningful and…”

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD…. BE… QUIET!!!!

You make me so sick with your "imagination is more powerful than knowledge" let's take Einstein out of context and let's just sit around talking and wishing but don't ever lift a finger to do any actual work and….rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!

Enough of this think & consider & imagine crap! I'm actually going to DO something now by strangling you and decorating my thumbs with your eyeballs and will you please just SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY?

….In summary, this experience affected me with a barbed wire migrane. I'm going to lie down for a while.

DIDN'T SEE IT COMING

I used to have a fairly ditzy female acquaintance, who would bounce from one relationship to the next, and was forever asking "good friend Harv" for opinions on how her current relationship was progressing. These questions usually began with the phrase, "Harv, you're a man, so tell me, what does it mean when a guy..."

One time, "Carol" tried to downplay the seriousness of her current other:

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Carol: We're not really "serious"

Harv: Are you having sex?

Carol: Well, yes, but that doesn't really mean anything.

Harv: Um, yeah. Ok, so does he have his own toothbrush here?

Carol: Well, yes.

Harv: Sounds pretty serious to me.

Carol: Bah! You're crazy! It's not like we're living together.

Harv: Carol, does he get his mail delivered here?

Carol: Well... some of it.

Harv: You're living together.

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So, in my world, "serious" = "toothbrush" and "shacking up" = "mailing address". Pretty cut & dried.

However, via CotV #46, Last Man Dancing contends that, in his world at least, the camel-snapping-straw is a subtle, elusive quantity, for example:

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It starts innocuously enough. A sweater inadvertently left behind (yeah, riiiiight) finds its own hangar in your closet. A toothbrush appears next to yours. A brush, a can of deodorant and then suddenly that extra drawer you used to have finds itself filled with unmentionables.

It comes in plain paper bags. A suitcase would be too obvious. Paper bags can be discretely snuck into the garbage when your back is turned. Suddenly there’s a beachhead established. And then one day, you come home from work, and there’s a hot meal on the table. You walk into your bacheloresque bathroom and there, to your horror, there’s a little basket with wood chips, tiny little pieces of soap and matching embroidered towels.

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The conversation that ensues is not to be missed. Go look.

NO, SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING?

Via Fark.com, I've come across the worst name for a girl scout troop, ever. Yes, it's real. Yes, their mascot is really a beaver. Yes, it just doesn't get any wronger than this.

CRYSTAL CLEAR AS MUD ON A HOT TIN ROOF

Confused by the lefty arguments against the War on Terror? Sure! We all are! But, via the Emperor, I've discovered that Balloon Juice has collected them all into one easy-to-understand post, which begins:

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We shouldn't lash out at Afghanistan in some sort of blind revenge, because you can not bomb people living in the stone ages back into the stone ages and because there is no evidence that they were behind 9/11 but all the Democrats are in favor of attacking Afghanistan because we have international support and they are not reflexively anti-war and Afghanistan is a quagmire with a brutal winter except that the only thing worse is the brutal summer and we have made the people hate us by killing only civilians and tribal warlords are not good allies and this is all about a pipeline and things are improving in Afghanistan but now we are dropping the ball because we are not giving them enough support...

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and goes on to explain such topics as the war in Iraq and WMD.

Go read the whole thing. You'll be glad purple monkey dishwasher.

WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE TELL ME I WAS DEAD?

Ya know, what really scares the bejeezus out me about this pic is that, of the groups listed on the headstone, I actually have seen:

Judas Priest, Aerosmith, Billy Squier, Iron Maiden, Rush, Styx, Quiet Riot, Dio, Motley Crue, Ozzy, and Deep Purple.

That's. Just. Creepy.

1. REMOVE PASTRY FROM POUCH

I love Pop Tarts. Sketches of Strain alerts me to the fact that they have a yummy-sounding new flavor out now, Hot Fudge Sundae. I gotta give these a try.

Must remember to heed the toaster warning, though:

Due to possible risk of fire, never leave your toasting appliance or microwave unattended.

THE GUNNERY SGT'S WORDS OF LOVE

I'll be honest, I only liked the first half of "Full Metal Jacket". The Sarge's nearly insane rantings left me rolling on the floor. The second half of the movie just had my eyes glazing over, looking forward to the credits.

Via Boots & Sabers, I've discovered the "Full Metal Jacket Soundboard", with all my favorite Sarge quotes. Just click the button and re-live such classics as "It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress".

Go give a listen.

GUN FUN

I'm dedicating this one to my brother Tom, who ordered the Matrix DVD for the sole purpose of watching "the lobby scene" on endless loop. Which is not necessarily a bad thing ;-)

Via Cold Fury, I'm proud to present Mad Ogre's "The Guns of the Matrix" - a very thorough analysis of the firearms used by the Matrix characters. For example:

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 It seems like Neo’s preferred handgun is the Beretta 92FS.  This is a solid choice due to the guns inherent accuracy and reliability.  It also holds a potent stash of full power 9MM ammunition.  This is the perfect choice for emptying whole clips at agents.   He uses a pair of 92FS pistols in the lobby battle, then one in the elevator shaft, and then a pair up on the roof top.  If I was to face an armed adversary, a 92FS would be my choice as well.

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If you love both guns and The Matrix, this is required reading.