200 WORDS OR LESS:
THE YACHT
Today's question comes from the book, "The Conversation Piece":
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#229: If you owned a yacht, what would you name it?
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As the mighty Death By Capitalism churns the used-condom-befouled waters off the coast of France, a tiny, pathetic, rusty, feeble, listing aircraft carrier is sighted off the port bow. Carnivore Bill, the able-bodied first mate, sounds the alarm to the fearless Cap’n Harv:
Bill: Cap’n! It’s the Cowardly Frog!
Harv: YARRR! The pride of the French fleet! We must sink it or die trying. The world depends on us! Warm up the Metal Storm and frag ‘em with Freedom Fries.
Bill: Aye, Cap’n! Eat potato, ya surly surrender monkeys!
Millions of scorching-hot, tender, tasty tater-spikes, forged in purest animal lard, rain death upon the smelly but hapless French crew.
Bill: [peeping through telescope] The survivors are surrendering, Cap’n!
Harv: That’s nice, but I ain’t done kill’n yet. Time to send those scurvy cheese-chompers to Davy Jones. Blast ‘em with an American Culture Bomb!
Bill: Aye, Cap’n. Cruel, but effective.
A hideous explosion is followed by the deafening compressed sounds of informercials, telemarketers, Jerry Springer re-runs, and suburban white rappers. An unstoppable shockwave reduces the Cowardly Frog to a fine mist of blood spray and powdered rust.
Harv: Well done, lads! Now on to Olongapo for drinks and wenches!
Crew: YARRR!
posted by Harvey at 6:21:08 PM permalink HOME
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