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  Thursday, August 21, 2003


BLACKFIVE VS. FRENCH-MAN

 

Blackfive is the Blogging Alliance Pathfinder, and has already launched a devastating opening salvo against the Axis of Naughty. But can he stand up to the world’s most cowardly and annoying superhero?

 

-----------------------------------

 

Blackfive: There! I’ve accessed Evil Glenn’s server. Now to shut it down so that the Alliance can win this war…

 

French-Man: Hello, American cowboy. What are you doing?

 

Blackfive: GAAAAH! Don’t sneak up on me like that! [sniff, sniff] Phew! Talk about silent but deadly… Anyway, I’m about to defeat the Puppy Blender.

 

French-Man: NO! I have a UN resolution calling for you to immediately stop this unilateral action!

 

Blackfive: UNILATERAL? You [near-infinite string of monitor-melting expletives deleted in accordance with the Communications Decency Act] frog! I’ve got half the blogosphere on my side!

 

French-Man: Nope. Still unilateral. “Uni,” meaning “one”. “Lateral,” meaning “without France.”

 

Blackfive: You [crude remarks implying simultaneous bestiality, homosexuality, and incest]! Go [very uncomfortable, if not physically impossible, act]!

 

French-Man: You’ve offended my delicate sensibilities.

 

Blackfive: Not as much as you offended my olfactories, you feeble, fetid [amazing combination of obscenities, the likes of which are known only to a select few military elites]!

 

French-Man: You are monumentally rude! Have you ever considered a job as a waiter in Paris?

 

Blackfive: The only thing I’m considering right now separating your intestines from your cringing yellow belly with my 7” Ka-Bar D2.

 

French-Man: Uh,… look at the time! I have to go sell military secrets to a badly-moustached dictator. Excuse me as I rapidly depart in a reeking cloud of filth and fumes… [FWING!]…  MOMMY!

 

Blackfive: Stupid surrender monkey. Now… where was I? Ah, yes. One click and victory is ours.  Say good-bye, you Satan-worshipping hobo-murderer. Instapundo Delenda… WHAT? My dial-up connection timed out? NO! All that work… RUINED!

 

Golly-gee-gosh-diddly-darn-dang-it-all!

 

Aw poop.

 


posted by Harvey at 7:29:04 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME




THE BLOGWAR FOR NON-BLOGGERS

 

Let me explain... no, there is too much. Let me sum up.

 

Blogging is a hobby of pure ego, whose purpose is to 1) see your words in print, and 2) have other people read them. Currently, one blogger, Glenn Reynolds (Instapundit) gets far more page views and links than any other, and deservedly so. Glen updates MANY times per day, and his links are usually well worth clicking. However, he normally offers very little of his own commentary. Sometimes just a cursory "indeed" or "hmmm".

 

Because he has so many readers, if he links to your site you get a LOT of hits, which is very gratifying. His links are highly prized by bloggers.

 

Frank J., of IMAO, is an up-and-coming blogger who occasionally mocks Glenn as a way to gain attention. His first method was making up outrageous lies: Glenn puts puppies in blenders and drinks them; Glenn murders hobos for fun; Glenn worships Satan; Glenn is a communist spy who does the robot dance; Glenn punched Frank J.

 

Later Frank attempted to get Google to bring up Glenn's site if the terms "liberal assclown" were entered. Results were mixed.

 

His latest attempt was to "declare war" on Glenn and asking bloggers to choose sides. Frank's side is the Blogging Alliance, Glenn's side is the Axis of Naughty. It's all in good fun, and much entertaining mockery will ensue as a result.

 

Personally, I've sided with Frank because I think he's wildly funny, but many excellent bloggers have gone with the Axis. Regardless of alignment, I expect that a good time will be had by all.

 

Enjoy the spectacle.

 

UPDATE: Susie explains in the comments that, technically, the Axis is "against Frank", and not "for Glenn", so a blogger could belong to both the Axis and the Alliance simultaneously. She discusses other odd permutations of allegiance as well.

 

UPDATE: A new outrageous lie about Glenn: he is a white-supremacist who won't link to black bloggers.

 

UPDATE: Susie directed me to a post that attempted to explain the whole blogwar situation. It does a fair job, but it's loaded with inside jokes, which I wanted to avoid in this explanation. However, there is a good description on the origin of the Axis [edited for clarity]:

 

------------------

Frank was hosting a Super Happy Fun Lucky Permalink Contest ... Everyone lost but one (since there was only one permalink spot up for grabs) but all the other contestants got permalinked anyway under a 'Losers' heading. Understandably, some got upset and one ... declared war on Frank. Others quickly piled on ... [and the] new army was named the Axis of Evil Naughty

------------------

 

UPDATE (8/27/03): Jen (leader of the Axis) has agreed to allow the pro-Glenn forces to use the name Axis of Naughty.

 


posted by Harvey at 6:02:26 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME




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