DISCO - SUCKING HARD SINCE 1974

I grew up with disco, and I thought it was an abomination.

I'm guessing that David, over at Sketches of Strain, didn't have to endure the misery the first time around, but he's been splattered by the 70's Revival blowback. He expresses his disapproval, in part, thusly:

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Why anyone would want to prolong that kind of agony is beyond me. Bell bottom pants still look stupid on everyone, no matter how many different ways clothiers try to sell them. I even avoid boot cut jeans because in some light, under certain conditions, they might look like flares. Eugh. If I had a personal tailor, I would get the cuffs of my pants all sewn down to a mean, mod-ish 13 inches at each ankle.

Oh, seventies, you sicken me, with your hedonism, your excessive uglification of everything from orange and brown wall-paper to El Dorados to symphonic strings in Donna Summer songs. Please, please, die. DIE, already!!

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That's just the warm-up. Go read what happens when he really starts cookin'...

FRENCH-MAN VS. AQUAMAN

Everyone knows that Aquaman is the world’s wussiest superhero. But how would he stack up against the world’s most cowardly and annoying superhero? Our story begins in the Oval Office…

President: Aquaman, all the non-wussy superheroes are out actually fighting crime, so if you could set down that Playstation controller, I have a job for you.

Aquaman: A job? You mean I actually get to fight crime? OH-BOY-OH-BOY-OH-BOY!

President: You must stop French-Man. The cowardly little bastard has been annoying the hell out of people all across the country. And the smell… Geez! He reeks like a dead fish, and… uh… no offense…

Aquaman: Don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, chief. I’m off!

[Later, at the Podunk County Fair, Aquaman discovers French-Man getting rooked by a carny at the milk-bottle game.]

French-Man: Perhaps if I appeased you with another dollar, you might let me win?

Carny: Get outta here, chump, ya bother me. Hey, did that fishy smell just get worse?

Aquaman: Based on your ability to annoy people with a single sentence, I’m guessing you’re French-Man. I will now defeat you with my superpowers.

French-Man: Uh.... yeah. And just how do you plan to defeat me by talking to fish?

Aquaman: Um... I’ll have a giant squid attack you.

French-Man: I’ll make calamari out of him, since I cook annoyingly well.

Aquaman: Giant sea snails?

French-Man: Escargot.

Aquaman: An army of crabs?

French-Man: Saute, flambé, out of my way!

Aquaman: This crimefighting stuff is harder than I thought. I give up. Back to Tomb Raider 3.

French-Man: Wait! I haven’t surrendered to you yet! I didn’t mean to actually put up a fight!… Nuts! He’s gone. Oh well, back to the game. Um, I don’t have actually have a dollar. Would you accept some weapons-grade uranium? It comes with instant super-power status…

Carny: Greenbacks or get lost, Froggy.

French-Man: Merde.