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"The frightening power of Harvey's filthy lies makes me tremble like a Frenchman. I frequently wet myself in terror and... Oops... damn." - Glenn Reynolds

"Tact is a stranger to you. I like that." - Chris Muir - Day By Day

"The man is a FREAK and a WEIRDO!" - Vigilance Matters

"The nicest thing about having Harvey around is that he makes the raincoat flashers look suave." - Rocket Jones

"...a very, very sick person." - She Who Will Be Obeyed

"pervert of renown extraordinare" - Practical Penumbra

"He's a really nice guy even if he is a little bit weird and creepy sometimes." - Reflections in d minor

"Curmudgeonly Old Coot" - BigStick.US

"Mr. Bad Example" - Straight White Guy

"Shpxurnq!!1!" - The Bartender of Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon

"infamous den of rum, buggery, the lash, and pirate pickup lines" - ErosBlog




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  Monday, November 03, 2003


So Jeff of BigStick.US e-mailed me & said, "Hey, we're gonna write this cool story as a series. Check it out" (ok, that wasn't an exact quote, but it's good enough for the LA Times).

I did.

Now, I've been saying (privately) for a long time that the rest of the world needs to be dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century, and that they need to have respect for individual rights & the rule of law beaten into them, if necessary (see Germany and Japan for examples of how this bit of irony works). I think it's great that we're starting with Iraq, and quite possibly moving onto to other sweaty, nasty, third-world hell-holes. But I've often wondered just what the f*** is wrong with Canada that they think Socialism is a good idea? Couldn't we fix this with just a mild, loving, southern-neighbor-who-really-cares ClueBatting?

Obviously Jeff & Tom (the BigStick boys) had the same thought. And they're going to be spinning a tale in this vein. Part 1 is up, and I have two recommendations:

1) go read it

2) poke these guys with pitchforks until they get the next installment up. WHICH BETTER BE PRETTY DAMN QUICK!, please.


posted by Harvey at 9:54:10 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME


In my interview at Misguided Minion Jen's place (hey Jen, gotten any Instalanches lately? HA! Just kidding! Why don't you join the Alliance where most of the people who love you (including me) are waiting to welcome you with open arms. And links, lots of links), I mentioned that I thought the new design for the $20 was no more safe & secure than any other design, because most people never do more than glance at their cash.

Thanks to this pointer from BigStick.US, I get to gloat.


Fake $20s Showing Up In Massachusetts

Secret Service Launches Investigation

UPDATED: 8:43 a.m. EST October 28, 2003

The new $20 bills have features to make them nearly impossible to counterfeit, but police south of Boston say fake bills have already made it into circulation. Now, the Secret Service is helping in an investigation.
In Brockton, Mass., the phony $20s have been located at Petti's Market, George's Cafe and a Radio Shack. In Bridgewater, Mass., they've shown up at the lunchroom of the Bridgewater-Raynham Regional High School and a McDonald's.


My favorite line is this howler:

"The new design makes traditional counterfeiting more difficult," said W. Ralph Basham of the U.S. Secret Service.


Apparently Mr. Basham is unfamiliar with this.

I feel so gloriously smug now.


posted by Harvey at 9:12:14 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



In real love, you want the other person's good. In romantic love, you want the other person.

[to which I added]

:-) So this is really romantic :-)


posted by Harvey at 8:45:40 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME


Hmmm... and all this time I thought he only ate *ahem* Subway.


posted by Harvey at 8:42:54 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME


If you'd like to reward the Alliance members who voted, but don't feel like inserting all those links, here's the source code. You should be able to just copy & paste.

<P><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>IMAO</FONT></STRONG></A> (539 links) - 3101 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love</FONT></STRONG></A> (148 links) - 910 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>angelweave</FONT></STRONG></A> (107 links) - 360 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Anger Management</FONT></STRONG></A> (68 links) - 271 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>The Inscrutable American</FONT></STRONG></A> (63 links) - 215 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Ramblings of Silver Blue</FONT></STRONG></A> (109 links) - 203 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>The Alliance</FONT></STRONG></A> (157 links) - 160 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Bad Money</FONT></STRONG></A> (108 links) - 136 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon</FONT></STRONG></A> (66 links) - 121 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Practical Penumbra</FONT></STRONG></A> (176 links) - 92 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>See The Donkey</FONT></STRONG></A> (16 links) - 85 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Being American in T.O.</FONT></STRONG></A> (43 links) - 77 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Irreconcilable Musings</FONT></STRONG></A> (56 links) - 73 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>The S-Train Canvass</FONT></STRONG></A> (27 links) - 64 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Simon World</FONT></STRONG></A> (31 links) - 58 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Curiosity</FONT></STRONG></A> (28 links) - 56 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>The Everlasting Phelps</FONT></STRONG></A> (32 links) - 55 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Leaning Towards the Dark Side</FONT></STRONG></A> (28 links) - 54 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>the evangelical outpost</FONT></STRONG></A> (52 links) - 51 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Civilization Calls</FONT></STRONG></A> (23 links) - 40 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>physics geek</FONT></STRONG></A> (35 links) - 39 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>CandyUniverse</FONT></STRONG></A> (35 links) - 34 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>BigStick</FONT></STRONG></A> (25 links) - 31 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Elegance Against Ignorance</FONT></STRONG></A> (30 links) - 30 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699></FONT></STRONG></A> (19 links) - 29 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Five Wasps</FONT></STRONG></A> (11 links) - 25 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>All Encompassingly</FONT></STRONG></A> (19 links) - 24 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Wince and Nod</FONT></STRONG></A> (39 links) - 22 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>A Life of Freedom</FONT></STRONG></A> (16 links) - 22 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Homicidal Maniak</FONT></STRONG></A> (14 links) - 21 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Not Quite Tea and Crumpets</FONT></STRONG></A> (27 links) - 18 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Cannon's Canon</FONT></STRONG></A> (18 links) - 18 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Peripheral Mind</FONT></STRONG></A> (55 links) - 16 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Hoppings of Roxette Bunny</FONT></STRONG></A> (32 links) - 15 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>The Psychotic Rant</FONT></STRONG></A> (22 links) - 15 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>The Wise Man Says...</FONT></STRONG></A> (36 links) - 14 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Single White Male</FONT></STRONG></A> (13 links) - 12 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Hypocrisy and Hypotheses</FONT></STRONG></A> (20 links) - 12 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Various Orthodoxies</FONT></STRONG></A> (27 links) - 10 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Newmanisms</FONT></STRONG></A> (16 links) - 10 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Interested-Participant</FONT></STRONG></A> (51 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href=""><STRONG><FONT color=#336699>Semi-Intelligent Thoughts</FONT></STRONG></A> (4 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT></P>


posted by Harvey at 8:28:30 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME


The following Alliance members voted in the New Blog Showcase this week:

IMAO (539 links) - 3101 visits/day V
Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love (148 links) - 910 visits/day V
angelweave (107 links) - 360 visits/day V
Anger Management (68 links) - 271 visits/day V
The Inscrutable American (63 links) - 215 visits/day V
Ramblings of Silver Blue (109 links) - 203 visits/day V
The Alliance (157 links) - 160 visits/day V
Bad Money (108 links) - 136 visits/day V
Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon (66 links) - 121 visits/day V
Practical Penumbra (176 links) - 92 visits/day V
See The Donkey (16 links) - 85 visits/day V
Being American in T.O. (43 links) - 77 visits/day V
Irreconcilable Musings (56 links) - 73 visits/day V
The S-Train Canvass (27 links) - 64 visits/day V
Simon World (31 links) - 58 visits/day V
Curiosity (28 links) - 56 visits/day V
The Everlasting Phelps (32 links) - 55 visits/day V
Leaning Towards the Dark Side (28 links) - 54 visits/day V
the evangelical outpost (52 links) - 51 visits/day V
Civilization Calls (23 links) - 40 visits/day V
physics geek (35 links) - 39 visits/day V
CandyUniverse (35 links) - 34 visits/day V
BigStick (25 links) - 31 visits/day V
Elegance Against Ignorance (30 links) - 30 visits/day V (19 links) - 29 visits/day V
Five Wasps (11 links) - 25 visits/day V
All Encompassingly (19 links) - 24 visits/day V
Wince and Nod (39 links) - 22 visits/day V
A Life of Freedom (16 links) - 22 visits/day V
Homicidal Maniak (14 links) - 21 visits/day V
Not Quite Tea and Crumpets (27 links) - 18 visits/day V
Cannon's Canon (18 links) - 18 visits/day V
Peripheral Mind (55 links) - 16 visits/day V
Hoppings of Roxette Bunny (32 links) - 15 visits/day V
The Psychotic Rant (22 links) - 15 visits/day V
The Wise Man Says... (36 links) - 14 visits/day V
Single White Male (13 links) - 12 visits/day V
Hypocrisy and Hypotheses (20 links) - 12 visits/day V
Various Orthodoxies (27 links) - 10 visits/day V
Newmanisms (16 links) - 10 visits/day V
Interested-Participant (51 links) - visits/day V
Semi-Intelligent Thoughts (4 links) - visits/day V


posted by Harvey at 8:17:13 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME


I try to save linkage on assignments for after it's posted, but Physics Geek ruined my keyboard with his entry, so here's a little payback.


posted by Harvey at 7:40:34 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME


I got a comment from the "evil commie" who runs The Politburo Diktat, and I saw Lynn dropping his name, too, so I thought maybe I should jump on the bandwagon.

It's an intriguing theme, and answers the question "how would a hard-core buzzword-dropping, communist true-believer blog?"

It's hard to find a single post that both gives you the flavor and also winks broadly enough to let you know that it's a parody site, but I think this one on how the UN actually averted the August bombing (do not argue with PRAVDA by citing your capitalist-lie-filled New York Times) should do the trick.


Oh, and if you want REAL hard-core commie blogging, try the *spit* League of Liberals *spit* Best self-parody site on the web.


posted by Harvey at 6:28:22 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME


I don't really know. I mean, I'm a nice guy, and despite my fierce hatred of all things UN, I couldn't actually come up with a suitable punishment for a terrorist-coddling asshat like Mr. Annan.

Fortunately, J of Quibbles & Bits has a bitter, twisted imagination, and gives us all a LOVELY tour of Kofi's experiences in the Afterlife. Here's the beginning of it. Be sure to read the rest because it just keeps getting better as you go along.


The confusion faded and coherence slowly returned. He waited patiently; he was used to this, being a diplomat. Waiting was the game. Gradually, all consciousness returned to him and he opened his eyes.

There was no mistaking the sinister scarlet figure towering over him.

"I was wondering when you'd open your eyes, Kofi," the figure rumbled.

"Are you Satan?" Kofi Annan asked.

"Yes," the figure replied. Flames burst from his skin and flickered in the vile darkness.

"And this is Hell?" Annan asked.

"Yes," Satan replied.

"And why am I here? I worked only for peace," Annan declared.

"Let me check my journal," Satan said, reaching into his thigh and withdrawing a blood soaked Palm Pilot. Flames burst from the screen as he opened the cover.


I gotta get me a Palm Pilot like that...

[insert malicious chuckle here]


posted by Harvey at 2:46:42 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME


By popular demand (or maybe just mine - whichever) J of Quibbles & Bits finished the second part of "The Clock Ticks", the first part of which I went ga-ga over in this post.

I was at work when I read it. I have no idea how long it took because clocks and other material aspects of the universe were a faint and dissolved shadow while I was reading. I don't think any customers came in during that time. Not that I would've paid any attention to them anyway. I was too busy sitting at the edge of my seat with my eyes bugging out, only occasionally remembering to breathe.

It's still dark, it's still compelling, and it's EXACTLY what I was hoping for when I asked him to write some more. J has a most exquisite way of building tension in this tale, and then releasing it just a tiny bit before tightening the noose still further.

In short, it's a damn fine piece, and like I told J, I WISH Stephen King were still writing stuff this compelling.

Best of all, there's even a doorway at the end of his post through which may yet slip a continuation of the tale. We can only hope.

Anyway, find a little quiet time and read it.

With the lights on.


posted by Harvey at 2:36:21 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME


Helen of Everyday Stranger has her interview up over at Deep Cover Agent, Code Name: Jen's place.

Good points: She lives in Sweden. Nice country. My grandfather left there because the rulers were stupid & oppresive, the beer was lousy, the weather was miserably cold, and all his neighbors were a bunch of simple-minded farm folk.

So he moved to Wisconsin.

I guess he was homesick.

Anyway, the bad points of the interview: not enough shaved beaver discussion.

Another bad point would be that, despite the fact that Don of Anger Management has been writing hilarious sexual fantasies about her for some time now, she only mentions his name once. Women can be so cruel.

Anyway, Jim of Snooze Button Dreams is up next, questions accepted at Jen's place until midnight Monday. Simon of Simon World is midnight Wednesday.


posted by Harvey at 12:55:57 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME


Schadenfreude, that is. That bittersweet, malicious joy that one feels at the sight of ignoranuses suffering. Dear, sweet Susie heard the moans of misery that escaped me from being pummeled by a rude and thoughtless customer. In return, she gave me the company of her own misery:


Customer I listened to your recording and it says the only showtime for American Wedding is 9:30. Are you showing it any other times?
Reply Susie wrestled back but really really wanted to say: Yes, we do have other showtimes, but they're secret, so I can't tell you.


There's more, but you'll have to go there to read it.

Oh, and the BEST part is Susie's story about a guy who got REALLY pissed because this teller wouldn't take his expired driver's license as a valid ID to cash a check, but what the idiot DIDN'T know was that...

Anyway, if you've ever worked customer service, stop by Piratical Penumbra and let Susie ease your pain.

Heh. Off-duty.

posted by Harvey at 10:52:17 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME


God bless the Bear. For the longest time, there's been a quirk in the Ecosystem, whereby multiple links from the same blog to your blog were counted separately. This was a happy thing for me, since some of my readers (looking your way, Susie) tend to show their appreciation with great gobs of gratuituous linkage. Which I adore and greatly appreciate.

Now the Bear has fixed it so that only unique referers count toward your ecosystem rating. I dropped 85 in the ranks in one day, but I'm actually glad because there was always this little argument raging in the back of my head:


Look at me - I'm so POP-ular!

Shut up, dingus. It's only Susie linking the crap out of you. You're really a microbe in disguise.

Hey! Take that back! There's nothing "only" about Susie.

Ok, fine, she's the sweetiest. But you're still a nobody.

Bite me.


And so on and so forth. But all that's changed now, because my rank is no longer artificially inflated by the charming Link Madam and the Convivial Bartender. Where the Bear says I am is where I actually am.

Now if only I could find a way to get my actual traffic numbers up...

posted by Harvey at 10:39:25 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME


Ok, this is partly a little gratuituous return-linky-love, but I do have a serious point to make. Dana (America's #1 pin-up girl) of Note-It Posts, read my French-Man vs. The Protesters entry, and demonstrated the proper technique for getting your readers to follow a link.

First, she complimented the post.

Second, she gave an excerpt to demonstrate the post's quality

Third, she gave a little teaser at the end to make her readers get a "what the hell is she talking about?" question in their heads that could ONLY be answered by going to the post in question.

THAT'S how to send traffic. I noticed a big glob from her in my referrer logs. A Note-it-lanche, if you will.

The other way to send traffic is to tell your readers that the post you're sending them to is short. Well, Dana's post is short. Take you all of 20 seconds to read the 2 sentences she wrote. And I promise you'll be a better blogger for having read it.


posted by Harvey at 10:16:17 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME

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