RULES OF GUNFIGHTING

Via Boots & Sabers, I found this list, part of which I will share:

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11. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

12. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

13. Have a plan.

14. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.

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Oh, and the one that's not on the list that I got from watching Raiders of the Lost Ark:

Never bring a sword to a gun fight.

WHY ME NOT LAUGH?

With the brilliant exception of today's In My World ("Uh,... copper is a type of rubber"), Frank J. has spent a lot of time either not posting or making excuses for not being funny, neither of which is really in character for him. I've been really confused...

Then I discovered the truth.

Look, I know Frank has had a serious phobia about monkeys for a long time, but recently it's degenerated into a sick, tragic, obsessive-compulsive problem that's starting to tear his life apart.

Fortunately, he's getting some help now, which is the real reason posting is going to be light at IMAO for the next few days.

Godspeed Frank, get well soon. If Rush can do it, you can, too.

CAPTION THIS...

Picture that I got from my Blogless Brother Roy:

EXPOSED!

Beth of She Who Will Be Obeyed suspects that I blog nekkid just because I post love notes to my Beloved Wife all the time.

Possibly.

But I will confess to being nekkid before tonight's blogging session.

A - B - C - D...

OH DEAR GOD! NOOOOOOO!

Eric of Straight White Guy has the scoop on a horrid highway accident. I must weep now.

BREAKING NEWS ! - JOHN F. KENNEDY IS STILL DEAD!

FUN LITTLE TIME WASTER

When I was in kindergarten, I used to make paper snowflakes. It was pretty cool, but quite time consuming, and my designs always seemed fairly lame.

Thanks to the currently vacationing Trey Givens, I found a place where you can make virtual paper snowflakes (Flash 6 required, download available at link). It's much faster than the real thing, and you don't have to clean up that scrappy-paper mess afterwards. Plus you can preview you flake, to see if your design is on the right track.

So go play in the snow :-)

THIS JUST MAKES ME TINGLE

Via American Digest, I discovered that we're developing a new weapons system

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The US military has begun development of an ultra-high speed weapons system that would enable targets virtually anywhere on Earth to be hit within two hours of launch from the continental US.

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Bring. It. On.

HOW DO YOU MOVE A STUBBORN MOOSE?

The answer to this question, as well as the continuing saga of America's invasion of Canada, can be found in the long-awaited (VERY long-awaited) part 4 of "2015", now available at BigStick.US.

Be sure to look for the Monty Python reference.

UPDATE: WOW! Part 5 is already up, too. I haven't had the chance to read it yet, but Jeff has a deft sense of comedy, and... wait, why don't I just read it quick... nope, must blog, no time. But having read the first few lines, I feel safe in recommending it:

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"Outrageous!" screamed the French foreign minister. "Zees is not acceptable! Ze United States has gone mad wiz ze powair!"

"I appreciate the comment," said the Secretary General, "but can you quit with the stupid accent?"

"Alright, fine." replied Minister Pierre Douverac, "as long as I can still wear the makeup and the dress."

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Also, Jeff promises to keep the new episodes coming out faster in the future so that you don't forget where you are in the story.

If you like the story, feel free to jingle Jeff's "help me buy a camera" tip jar. A couple bucks, $1 dollar, or even just round off the cents in your PayPal balance. Every little bit helps. And remember, since he's begging & desperate, you can hit him up for links, some banner design help, or even some obscene sexual favors in exchange for the money. Take full advantage of his weak bargaining position.

And if you'd like to start from the beginning, here's a link to the "2015" Category, wherein the whole saga can be found. Start at the bottom & work your way up.

SOUTHERN SURVIVOR

Via Blogless Brother Roy:

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Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, several southern TV stations
are joining together and are planning to do their own, entitled "Survivor:
Southern Style."

The contestants will start in Alabama, travel over to Georgia and on to
South Carolina. From there they will head up to North Carolina and over to
Tennessee. They will then proceed down to Mississippi and Louisiana, finally
ending up back over in Alabama.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with New Jersey license plates and large
bumper stickers that read: I'm Gay, I'm a Vegetarian, NASCAR Sucks, Go
Yankees! Smoking is for Idiots, Hillary in 2004, Deer Hunting is Murder, and
I'm Here to Confiscate Your Guns!

The first one that makes it back to Montgomery--alive--wins.

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HQ STUFF

New Blog Showcase results are up. Yes the League of General Douchebaggery won the sponsorship again, but the Alliance is not about to lay down like a bunch of filthy Frenchmen. Read about the Blog-Buddy plan, and take heart.

A couple more filthy lies. Beverage Alarm in effect.

Susie's a tad miffed that some people aren't voting. She didn't swear, but you could hear her NOT swearing, which is almost as bad. She also named some names. One of the few times you don't want to be on the receiving end of Susie's linky-love.

Plus, there's some added incentive to vote this week, courtesy of Fearless Leader Frank J.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

To wish is to wish for you

To sleep is to dream of you

To live is to wait for you

To smile is to think of you