NOT HERE YET, BUT WITH GOOD REASON

A couple months ago, I introduced an excellent writer here, and hinted that he would soon have a blog of his own with which to entertain you with fervent doses of unapologetic Americanism. You might have wondered whatever happened to him. 

Well, Jon is doing fine, and he retains his writing skills. It's just that, as of late, he's been using them in other directions.

It seems that the love of his life, Julie, is currently battling both MS and lung cancer. So far, it's been tough sledding but she's hanging in there and has hope of recovery.

Meanwhile, Jon is spending most of his time helping her make it through some very harrowing days, and has helped her set up her own blog to help her come to terms with her feelings about her experiences.

Recently Jon (HySpeed) did an entry at her blog, Through The Looking Glass, explaining just what's been going on since November 4th. The entry is appropriately entitled Whirlwind. It's a mind-blower, and I can only stand in awe of how someone can go through such a mess and still keep a positive attitude. I hope that if I ever find myself in similar circumstances, I can do even half as well.

Being an atheist, I cannot offer any prayers, but only sympathy and moral support. If your beliefs do include such an option, however, I would encourage you to exercise it at your earliest convenience.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

As the rain falls from the sky

So have I fallen for you.

As the thunder longs to be heard,

So I long to be loved by you.

As the lightning bolts across the sky,

So my heart bolts for you.

As the sun shines beautifully and brightly,

So does my smile because of you.

For without rain, there is no growth.

Without thunder, there is no sound.

Without lightning, there is no brightness.

Without sun, there is no warmth.

And without you, there is no love!

AS A MATTER OF FACT, MR. CALLAHAN, I DO FEEL LUCKY...

Because, thanks to Jed of Boots & Sabers, I found the REAL most powerful handgun in the world.

And it ain't no piddly little .44 Magnum.

CELEBRITY SPOKESMAN
(A FILTHY LIE)

I got an e-mail from my Blogless Brother Tom reporting on a frightening experience he just had while listening to the radio. Coincidentally, it also fulfills the requirements of this week’s Alliance assignment...

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Harv,

I just heard this radio commercial.....

Hey kids!

Tired of the jocks pushing you around?
Are hobos kicking sand in your face?

Hi! I'm Evil Glenn Reynolds! I used to have the same problems, but I've developed a new product that makes them a thing of the past! Try my NEW Puppy Gainer 2000! The steroid-free way to bulk up fast, or for when you just need a quick energy boost before class.

AND when you send in 2 UPC labels from any size can of Puppy Gainer 2000 and add 3 easy payments of $19.95 (+ $6.66 shipping & handling), you get this great Hobo Hammer weight set, perfectly balanced for hobo-whackin’-action and chrome-plated for easy clean up. These 10 pound hammers are a great way to build your upper body FAST, and if you act now, I'll include a copy of my new workout tape "Hobo Hammering to the Oldies". Give me just 6 minutes a day, I'll have you whackin’ hobos like a pro in no time! 

You also get a blank contract for selling your soul to Satan, listing me as your sponsor(not valid in Hollywood, Las Vegas or Washington, D.C.).

Act now, and, for a limited time, I'll also include a “Penguin Love” poster, absolutely free!

So try my NEW Puppy Gainer 2000 today! In Vanilla, Chocolate Lab or new Poodleberry flavor...

...There might've been more, but I turned off the radio at that point. I really feel the need to take a shower, now. Type at you later.

Blogless Brother Tom
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My poor innocent blogless brother has been horribly scarred by the experience, and now he gets the twitchies every time he hears a radio station breaking for commercial.

Just one more reason...

INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

BULLSHIT FROM THE BARTENDER

The Bartender, the lunatic purveryor of adult beverages at the blogosphere's finest drinking establishment, Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon, has finally started talking about what his cutomers want to hear, instead of pissing us all off with bad flea jokes that he gets from third-grade nerds who need extra cash because they got beaten up for their lunch money.

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Q. Are you a bartender in "real life"?

...I could still beat 95% of my bartenders in speed pouring tests and can free pour exact measurements with either hand...

[notice he doesn't mention what he does with the other hand while he's pouring]

Q. Which Corner of the Bar Babe would you most like to see covered in whipped cream?

...you should see... Susie...

[been there, covered that, got the .wmv file, viewing it on the lap top right now...]

Q. How about if it's a really hot chick [who won't leave at quitting time]?
A. Unless she's passed out in the coat room with her pants down around her ankles, she's gotta go too. No exceptions!

[heh, didn't even have to edit that one to make him look bad]

Anyway, for more excellent reasons on why you should never try to answer interview questions at 4am while completely shit-faced, go see the rest of his interview at Catwoman's Jen's place.

YESTERDAY'S WOMEN VS. TODAY'S WOMEN

From my blogless Beloved Wife, comes this bit from the "forwarded a million times e-mail" file:

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 Women of today: If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

 Ladies of days gone by: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

 Women of today: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

 Ladies of days gone by: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

 Women of today: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

 Ladies of days gone by: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

 Women of today: Buy boxed mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

 Ladies of days gone by: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

 Women of today: Go to the bakery -- they'll even decorate it for you.

 Ladies of days gone by: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

 Women of today: Sara Lee frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I just don't do it.

 Ladies of days gone by: If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

 Women of today: Go ask the very cute neighbor guy to do it.

 And finally the most important tip....

 Ladies of days gone by: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

 Women of today: Leftover wine??

 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 

 A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...

 But a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"

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Now, would everybody be kind enough to mention to my wife that she could make herself a very nice, low-maintenance blog consisting mostly of these sorts of e-mails and a little bit of her own opinions thrown in from time to time? The Bartender (America's #1 Mixologist and #2 content-snatcher) was kind enough to drop such a hint on a previous post, but Beloved Wife is still currently unconvinced.

BABY BLOGGING

Sometimes I worry about Matt O'Blackfive. For about the last week he's been deadly serious. Nothing but excellent posts on-war-related news:

Sabotage of kosher baby formula

A nice veterans day tribute

The reasons why Wesley Clark is a weasel

Why lefty bloggers are stupid, disrespectful, America-hating asshats

Some post-Vet's day thanks (Bruce Willis rocks!)

The heroic story of Captain Hornbuckle

The 30+ countries joining us in our "unilateral" war

and a bitch-slappin' to the bastards at the Chicago Trib for taking a cheap shot at the Patriot Act.

I was beginning to think he'd never suck again.

Fortunately for those of us who hate well-written, insightful analysis, he let his boy take over for a day, and Little Blackfive opined as follows:

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gfsdrjhggdsaa ssdfjjhhgvc33421dddsd23s3saajji hiuhuuii9999999999999999999999999999k jhgdsaa

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Matt, you know I have nothing but the deepest respect for you and your family, but your boy is DEAD WRONG on this issue, as my cat, Amber, explains:

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 . hn    ifogouiujbncvm,. klmgvb237yu,. mnwsoiirfjk5rtv0obb90 v l,.kl tgfvjk

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She may have a brain the size of a walnut, but she's chased enough mice to know what's what, and, frankly, I can't find anything to argue with in her statement.

I just hope Little Blackfive is man enough to admit when he's wrong, and this thing doesn't degenerate into a flamewar of personal insults like "semi-incontinent diaper-wearing know-nothing" and "illiterate, litter-box-scratching butt-lapper."

BLOGGING - IT'S THE REAL THING

A while back, I came across an intriguing piece over at Lynn's place where she pondered the difference between what we do in cyberspace and what we do in the "real" world.

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I suspect that many people have trouble thinking of what goes on in cyberspace as "real." They might understand what the Internet is and how it works and yet still think of it as just something that is "on" their computer. I am aware of the existence of the citizens of cyberspace as real people and, in fact, I often feel closer to them than many of the people I have met in realspace. To some people this is crazy talk and a sure sign that I'm not quite right in the head so in realspace I usually keep these and other far-out ideas to myself but there is good reason for feeling this way

*********

That tickled something inside my brain, because I often find myself thinking of what I do on-line as somehow less real and less important that what I do with the people and things I interact with physically. She specifically notes in a later post that one's on-line and off-line persona are both equally "real" and should be accepted as such.

It's a good point, and I wanted to say something about it, but I couldn't resolve my brain-tickle into words, so I let it go.

Then I came across a post at American Digest where he discussed how internet activity isn't just some sort of soulless technological doo-dad, it's people reaching out to other people. Socializing and connecting.

This edged the tickle up a little higher, but still, no conclusion on my part.

I saw a post from Susie - nothing special, just some complaints about what a bad day she was having, but the thought occured to me that she wasn't writing that as some sort of journal-therapy. It was an effort to reach out in a human way through her blog and make some contact with other people, as per American Digest's point, and re-inforcing Lynn's point that these weren't just words on a screen, this was the real Susie having a real bout of the blahs.

The mental itch was maddening, but still no conclusion.

Finally, a post from Owen of Boots & Sabers brought it together for me.

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As I wander through my normal day, I rarely have the opportunity to discuss topics I enjoy or care about with the people around me. It's not usually appropriate to talk politics or social issues with customers and coworkers. That’s why I have found other bloggers to be a breath of fresh air. I love to read a blogger’s bio and find that he or she is just an ordinary guy or gal like me. Yet he or she has such interesting and insightful things to say on so many topics. I wish that people could discuss issues in the real world with such passion and excellence as they do in the blogosphere.

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When I was in the Navy, I was in a very specialized portion of the organization - the Nuclear Power Program. It requires 2 years of intensive learning, and you have to be incredibly smart to make it through. I don't have actual data, but, observationally, I'd guess that you need an IQ of at least 125 to qualify (100 is average for the population, and 140 or above puts you in that rarifed 1% labeled "genius".)

I didn't much enjoy my actual job duties, which consisted mostly of being bored while sweating profusely in the 90+ degree heat of the engine room, but I did love working with my fellow nukes. Every day was dipped in a savory sauce of witty, if often sexually crude, banter, and the interactions were an unparalleled mental joy to experience.

That's probably the only thing I really missed after I left the service.

I thought I'd find that sort of intellectually stimulating interaction in college, but I was quickly disappointed. The students were, by and large, a dull, slow-witted lot, and I longed for the snappy comebacks and truly smart remarks of yesteryear.

Although I was fortunate enough to marry an intellectual equal who could keep up with me in friendly, playful games of verbal one-upsmanship, my life at the bank did nothing for me. I was surrounded by a bunch of small-town small-minds whose idea of brilliant conversation seldom rose above the level of commenting on the weather.

Nothing like inanity to crush a man's soul.

Fortunately, I've discovered the joys of blogging. Yes, the blogosphere is comprised primarily of 60-watt prattlers, but amongst the dreck are a good selection of great minds writing excellent entries on important topics that interest me. But even when there's no inspiration to be had, and the wise are reduced to the depths of cat-blogging, there's still entertainment to be found in the creative presentation style.

So for me, that's what blogging is all about: the best real part of me seeking to interact with the best real part of other people. It's not just "words on a screen", it's little snippets of my life on a big dance floor, hoofin' around with some of the greatest folks I've ever met.

Come dance with me, and I'll show you the time of your life.

Really.