I'D LIKE TO GO OUT WITH YOU, BUT I HAVE TO WASH MY HAIR

Well that one's not on the list, but here are a few of my favorites from the list of what she's gonna do instead of be with you (not work friendly):

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A night in with the girls

Auditioning the finger puppets

Bathing the kitty

Beating around the bush

Butterin' the muffin

Checking the oil

Cleaning between the camel's toes

Cleaning the kitchen

Copping a clam

Defrosting the freezer

Digitizing

Doing something for my chapped lips

Doing the two-finger ballet

Double-clicking your mouse

Driving Ms. Daisy

Dusting the endtable

Fanning the fur

Fingerpainting

Fishing for cumpliments

Flipping the light switch repeatedly

Fluffing the kitty

Getting a date with slick mittens

Having ladyfingers and cream

Indoor fishing

JocelynEldering

Levy break limbo

"Looking for Waldo & his dog (gee, spot, there you are!)"

Making kitty purr

Manual override

Menage a moi

Mistressbate

Muffin buffin'

Nail polish remover

Peeling the peach

Playing couch hockey for one

Playing the clitar

Polishing the wedding ring

Preheating the oven

Putting the dot in .org

Ride the glide until the tide

Rubbin Hood

Scratching the patch

Sliding into home

Soaking in Palmolive

Spanking your puppy on the nose

Surfing the web

Sweeping the chimney

Taking advantage of yourself

Tending your own garden

Two-finger typing

Unclogging the drain

Visiting your safety deposit box

Working in the garden

Working out at the Y

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Plenty more where those came from.

200 WORDS OR LESS:

GOOD ADVICE

Today's question comes from the book, "Romantic Questions" page 101:

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#5 What is the best relationship advice you've ever gotten?

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Well, about a dozen years back, my dad sat me down for a talk...

Dad: Son, it's about time I gave you some advice.

Harv: Yeah, dad, I know, "When bribing your way out of a speeding ticket, choose your twenty carefully." Got it.

Dad: No, son. There's certain things you need to know about... women.

Harv: Dad, I spent six years in the Navy, bought 200 hookers, and caught more STD's than Michael Moore has eaten cheeseburgers. I think I'm up to speed on the topic.

Dad: Well, so much for "raincoat your roscoe". But there's something else...

Harv: Yes?

Dad: You can forget your anniversary, you can forget her birthday, you can even tell her that she looks fat in that dress. Just don’t forget the little man in the boat.

Harv: Huh?

Dad: You'll understand someday.

Harv: Uh... ok.

Dad: Well, goodnight.

Harv: Goodnight. Sleeping on the couch again tonight?

Dad: Actually, no. Which reminds me of some more advice.

Harv: What?

Dad: Lick the alphabet.

Harv: Huh?

Dad: You'll understand some day.

I understand now, and I tell ya, Sesame Street hasn't been the same since.

A - B - C - D...

Beloved Wife: Just get to the T's already!

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

I spent last night dreaming of your eyes,

But your hair kept getting in the way.

Your lips dropped in to tell me how you’d been,

But when I tried to kiss them,

My pillow told me I’d missed them.

Your voice dropped by and sang a lullaby,

And it was then I knew just what to do.

I’d fall asleep and then,

I’d dream of you again.

TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY


A person's answers to the Rorschach test can often be helpful in detecting mental disorders such as unhealthy obsessions. For example, my answer to this one was "Susie's boobies."

THIS IS JUST JUVENILE...

...but, like Don, I found myself being amused anyway. Seems this blogger, Buggre Alle This, went to the eye doctor the other day, and...

THOSE SPAMMERS WERE TELLING THE TRUTH

Think those breast enlargement creams are just a bunch of snake oil?

Check out Susie's before & after pictures.

And yes, I'm as surprised as you are to learn that Susie's mother is actually Betty Page.