YOU MIGHT BE A KENNEDY IF...

J of Quibbles & Bits has a list of ways to tell if your gene pool has been polluted by the Kennedys, including:

**********

If you have ever woken up under the table in an Irish Bar, and you don't remember how you got there, You might be a Kennedy.

**********

Lookin' your direction, Matty.

ON THE OTHER FOOT

Way back on his Blogspot blog, the Bartender called me a freak a few times (CTRL+F "freak" - keep hitting the find next button). It was completely uncalled for. I mean, yeah, I've got my fetishes, but mostly I'm completely normal. Now, thanks to America's #1 pin-up girl, I found out the Bartender's deepest, darkest secret, so...

WHO'S THE FREAK NOW?

And if you're wondering how he got to be such a deranged assmunchkin in the first place, well BigStick has the answer to that.

Guess we should blame his parents.

THERE IS NO SEX IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM!

Of course, that might depend on what your definition of "is" is.

The certifiable wacko Bartender of Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon has another round-up of the best sex-related posts in the blogosphere. Which is where I found this picture of the most phallic building in America. They don't call it the "brick dick" for nothing.

And Barbie Holiday Incest Porno? That is SO wrong on SO many levels. Go look for yourself, just not at work.

BUT THE IMPORTANT THING TO NOTE HERE IS that the Bartender is done scouring the blogosphere & doing all your porn-surfing for you. From now on, each blogger is requested to submit his/her best sex-related post for the newest & dirtiest link round-up in cyberspace:

TALES FROM THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM!

Send the links to your naughtiest bloggy naughtiness to the Bartender by noon on Saturday for the kinkiest Sunday roundup you've ever seen.

I wonder if I'll be able to find a suitable entry...

WHAT are you snickering at?

FEATURING THE COMEDY STYLINGS OF JOHN EDWARDS

Thanks to a tip from Owen of Boots & Sabers, I discovered the web site of Democratic presidential hopeful and 10 megawatt asslord John Edwards.

So many cute items here.

First (per the comments to Owen's post), notice that in the 2000 election (click on Gore-Bush 2000), that petty little prick still thinks Florida is up for grabs.

Second, on the right side, check out his wacky T-shirt. It's a picture of a turkey. With Bush's head. IT'S FUNNY!

Well, maybe it's not. Let's do a quick review on how to be funny, shall we? In order for a joke to really work well, it has to be based on a widely-held stereotype. Doesn't matter if it's true, it just has to be familiar to the reader. Now, how does a turkey play on a Bush stereotype?

[impatient foot tapping]

Well?

That's right. It doesn't. Except in Edwards own fever-deliriumed imagination, Bush has never been associated with turkeys, either wild or domesticated. Sure, Edwards tries to make a connection by claiming that Bush's administration "laid an egg", but that's hardly Turkey-specific. All birds lay eggs, as do reptiles and platypi. Sorry, J. E., just not funny.

Then there's his list of "Why Bush Gobbles"

War on work? WTF? I thought it was the Islamofascist war on freedom that did that with Sept. 11?

Shifted the tax burden to the working class? Uh... I got my check.

No plan? What was that 87 billion dollar thingy?

Anti-choice legislation? Yup. Can't get an abortion anywhere, now. Or something. 

So, Edwards is neither funny nor honest. Who the hell is gonna vote for this peckerhead? People who like clichés, I guess:

"common sense solutions", "get America working again", "keep us safe yet preserve our Constitutional rights", "for responsible government"

As opposed to all the many other candidates seeking to implement wild-ass theories, make Americans unemployed, hurt people, violate their rights, and promote insane totalitarian government?

Tell ya what Johnny, give me one damn thing you stand for that didn't come out of a political fortune cookie, and you've got my vote.

F***head.

YOU MEAN HE'S BATMAN?

Frank J. of IMAO got himself noticed by the "old media", and now his secret identity has been revealed...

LAST WORDS

Although I have no way to prove it , I strongly suspect that as that fateful missile sped towards them, one of the following may have been the last words of the Hussein boys (per the HQ Precision Guided Humor Assignment):

3) You remembered the tacky tie, but you forgot the inflatable camel?

4) Hey, they stopped shooting their guns at us. They'll probably give up & go away pretty soon

5) Don't worry, the first missle is always just a warning shot.

6) I'm NOT going to die a virgin! Uday, bend over!

7) Dammit Uday! Why did you bring Viagra and a condom? I said we were going to a WAR house!

8) I think I just pooped myself.

9) What's the air speed velocity of an unladen TOW missile?

10) Uday: American pigs! We will not die easy!

Qusay: That's right! We have Viagra, and we will die hard!

SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Oh! I just remembered how my hands fit the curve of your waist and how your smiles fit the curve of my mind.

TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

 

[John 3:16 Beleave!]

Harv 3:16 Spell Check!

NEW BLOG SHOWCASE VOTER LINKY LOVE SOURCE CODE

<A href="http://imao.us/">IMAO</A> (569 links) - 2940 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.blackfive.net/">Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love</A> (176 links) - 1034 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.flyingchair.net/">Flying Chair</A> (44 links) - 631 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://annikagyrl.blogspot.com/">annika's journal &amp; poetry</A> (83 links) - 260 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.patriot-paradox.com/">Patriot Paradox</A> (44 links) - 233 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://silverblue.org/mt">Ramblings of Silver Blue</A> (124 links) - 211 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://inscrutable.news-portal.com/">The Inscrutable American</A> (60 links) - 200 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://radio.weblogs.com/0126975/">Bad Money</A> (166 links) - 155 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://gevkaffeegal.typepad.com/the_alliance/">The Alliance</A> (173 links) - 145 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://simonworld.mu.nu/">Simon World</A> (30 links) - 100 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://angelweave.mu.nu/">angelweave</A> (97 links) - 97 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.taintedbill.com/">Leaning Towards the Dark Side</A> (27 links) - 96 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://practicalpenumbra.mu.nu/">Practical Penumbra</A> (180 links) - 91 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.seethedonkey.com/">See The Donkey</A> (21 links) - 89 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.pardonmyenglish.com/">Pardon My English</A> (55 links) - 87 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://debbyestratigacos.blogspot.com/">Being American in T.O.</A> (45 links) - 67 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://sugarwhitesand.com/">CandyUniverse</A> (47 links) - 66 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://donotremove.net/">The Everlasting Phelps</A> (30 links) - 57 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://s-train.h2cmedia.org/">The S-Train Canvass</A> (29 links) - 52 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.emersons.net/">TacJammer</A> (47 links) - 40 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.anenglishmanscastle.com/">An Englishman's Castle</A> (6 links) - 40 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.thepatriette.com/">The Patriette</A> (41 links) - 37 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://civilization-calls.blogspot.com/">Civilization Calls</A> (30 links) - 36 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://curi.us/domain/">curi's domain</A> (17 links) - 35 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.sithoughts.blogspot.com/">Semi-Intelligent Thoughts</A> (48 links) - 32 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.bigredgiant.com/">BigRedGiant.com</A> (19 links) - 28 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://winceandnod.blogspot.com/">Wince and Nod</A> (44 links) - 28 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://irreconcilablemusings.typepad.com/">Irreconcilable Musings</A> (25 links) - 23 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://psychoticduo.com/blogs/psycho_rant.php">The Psychotic Rant</A> (29 links) - 17 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://giveblood.blogspot.com/">Single White Male</A> (9 links) - 16 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://cannon.blog-city.com/">Cannon's Canon</A> (20 links) - 13 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.peripheralmind.org/">Peripheral Mind</A> (32 links) - 13 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://wasteofbandwidth.net/dseip/ssp">Shameless Self-Promotion</A> (14 links) - 10 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://roxettebunny.mu.nu/">Hoppings of Roxette Bunny</A> (25 links) - 10 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://johnalism.blogspot.com/">Johnalism.com</A> (10 links) - 9 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://interested-participant.blogspot.com/">Interested-Participant</A> (63 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT>

NEW BLOG SHOWCASE VOTER LINKY LOVE

IMAO (569 links) - 2940 visits/day V
Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love (176 links) - 1034 visits/day V
Flying Chair (44 links) - 631 visits/day V
annika's journal & poetry (83 links) - 260 visits/day V
Patriot Paradox (44 links) - 233 visits/day V
Ramblings of Silver Blue (124 links) - 211 visits/day V
The Inscrutable American (60 links) - 200 visits/day V
Bad Money (166 links) - 155 visits/day V
The Alliance (173 links) - 145 visits/day V
Simon World (30 links) - 100 visits/day V
angelweave (97 links) - 97 visits/day V
Leaning Towards the Dark Side (27 links) - 96 visits/day V
Practical Penumbra (180 links) - 91 visits/day V
See The Donkey (21 links) - 89 visits/day V
Pardon My English (55 links) - 87 visits/day V
Being American in T.O. (45 links) - 67 visits/day V
CandyUniverse (47 links) - 66 visits/day V
The Everlasting Phelps (30 links) - 57 visits/day V
The S-Train Canvass (29 links) - 52 visits/day V
TacJammer (47 links) - 40 visits/day V
An Englishman's Castle (6 links) - 40 visits/day V
The Patriette (41 links) - 37 visits/day V
Civilization Calls (30 links) - 36 visits/day V
curi's domain (17 links) - 35 visits/day V
Semi-Intelligent Thoughts (48 links) - 32 visits/day V
BigRedGiant.com (19 links) - 28 visits/day V
Wince and Nod (44 links) - 28 visits/day V
Irreconcilable Musings (25 links) - 23 visits/day V
The Psychotic Rant (29 links) - 17 visits/day V
Single White Male (9 links) - 16 visits/day V
Cannon's Canon (20 links) - 13 visits/day V
Peripheral Mind (32 links) - 13 visits/day V
Shameless Self-Promotion (14 links) - 10 visits/day V
Hoppings of Roxette Bunny (25 links) - 10 visits/day V
Johnalism.com (10 links) - 9 visits/day V
Interested-Participant (63 links) - visits/day V

COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO RAKE

Well, I mentioned that I wasted Saturday afternoon raking leaves. Now the Bartender explains why. It's not free will, or an urge to create order out of chaos, or the desire to keep the neighbors from thinking I'm lazy white trash.

It's because I'm a Cyborg.

Call me Harvey, call me Bad Money. Doesn't matter. I was just doing what I was programmed to do.

Stupid Cyberdyne Systems. Letting me think I was human all this time.