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Friday, March 05, 2004
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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE
(Introduction)
If the world ended today, I would be at peace, for I have loved you.
posted by Harvey at 11:10:20 PM permalink HOME
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COME QUICK!
A phrase which is rarely heard at Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon. However, there's a good reason you're hearing it now. The comment party is up to #96, and we need to crack the elusive 3-digit barrier before the Bartender shuts us down.
Since he's already left his typical trail cranky comments over here, I
figure he'll be kicking the saloon doors open any minute.
Hurry! While there's still time!
posted by Harvey at 11:06:01 PM permalink HOME
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IT'S... ALIVE!
Tom of BigStick.US finally completed part 7 of 2015.
You remember 2015, right? That's the year that the US invades Canada to
save it from its silly socialist self. The other 6 parts can be found here, but this piece actually stands pretty well on its own.
About 5-10 minutes. Drink Alert threat level red.
posted by Harvey at 9:58:32 PM permalink HOME
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"MAKE IT WITH LOVE": THE SANDWICH MARRYING PETITION
As I mentioned before, Joey of Single White Male is a sandwisexual. Now, I can certainly understand the attraction between a man and a sandwich. As Miracle Max once said:
"True love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice MLT...
mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich... where the mutton is nice and
lean, and the tomato is ripe....they're so perky. I love that."
mmmm... MLT...
[wipes drool] ANYWAY, the
point is that under currently applicable Federal and State of Arizona
law, although Joey may LOVE sandwiches, he may not MARRY one. He is
currently investigating the possibilities of circulating a petition to change that.
While I may not share his meal preference, I DO support his First
Amendment right to petition his government for redress of grievance. So
as soon as that petition's written, I'll be a signer.
[singing] My baloney has a first name...
posted by Harvey at 9:52:29 PM permalink HOME
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SO THEN DANA SAYS TO ME, SHE SAYS...
... I'll see your Lego doll and raise you a leggy doll.
posted by Harvey at 9:40:21 PM permalink HOME
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NOW THAT'S PRE10TIOUS
via Lynn of Reflections in d minor, I found that William Slawski of Bragadoccio thinks bloggers are bland & styleless:
It strikes me sad, and it strikes
me odd, and I'll be deeply bruised if it continues to strike me, but
I've noted that there really aren't any standout stylists in the many
blogs of the world wide web
What a load of pretentious crap.
Off the top of my head, I can think of the following folks who stand out like a yarmulke at a rodeo:
USS Clueless
Lileks
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
IMAO
Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon
ErosBlog
Eject!Eject!Eject!
The Truth Laid Bear
I might even qualify for the list myself, but it's hard to judge, since I'm too far inside my own skin to be objective.
And those are just the chronic cases. Everyone else on my blogroll still wins the "matching tie & handkerchief" award for stylish, at the VERY least. It might not be a style that William considers ish, but if a blogger has a sidebar link at Bad Money they've got tons of ish as far as I'm concerned.
[stomping off, muttering under breath]
stuffy... arrogant... conceited.... grrrrr.
UPDATE (3-8-04 10PM): After
considering the words of the author in the comments, and re-reading his
post a little more closely, I realize that I went off half-cocked on a
phrase taken out of context. Appears he meant his piece to be a musing
on the nature of blogging, and not as an indictment of blogger
stylelessness. I was wrong to have called him pre10tious. His quote, in
context, is not crap.
William, I'm sorry. I'll exercise more care in the future.
posted by Harvey at 9:38:25 PM permalink HOME
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HMMM... NEEDS SOMETHING...
Lego JimRob of Ramblings of A Bearded Hillbilly
really did his best to gear up, but I must say I'm disappointed. I
mean, there he is, out there alone in the woods, surrounded by rabid
Bambis & psycho Thumpers all ready to sink their jagged yellow
fangs into his throat, and what does this fool do?
Only brings one gun.
Which, I suppose, wouldn't be so bad if he were wearing an ammo belt instead of one made out of candy dots, most of which he's already eaten.
Firepower, JR, it's all about the firepower.
posted by Harvey at 9:26:58 PM permalink HOME
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NO! NO! NO!
Ok, I'm trying to encourage the whole Lego meme, but this... Eric of Straight White Guy...
Look, there's a LOT of wrong things in this picture, the worst of which is probably...
THAT HE SHAVED HIS FREAKING LEGS!
Damn, Eric, you're REALLY creeping me out.
posted by Harvey at 9:23:51 PM permalink HOME
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GLENN'S LOGO
(A FILTHY LIE)
There are two things Glenn needs to do: get a firewall, and stop making
phone calls via the internet. Why? Because it makes it WAY too easy for
unscroupulous people like me to listen in. Recently, Evil Glenn got a
call from Bob, who runs his ISP...
Bob: Hi Glenn, it's Bob, from EvilBloggers.com.
Evil Glenn: Just a second, Bob... *WHIRRRRR!* *yip! yip! yip!* *gurgle*... *SLURRRRPP!* Heh. Schnauzer shake. Indeed. What can I do for ya Bob?
Bob: I REALLY wish you wouldn't do that when I call. It's a little disturbing.
Evil Glenn: Gotta keep my energy up. I've gotta post 3000 more entries by noon, and... ACK! *spitooie!*... Ugh. Toenail.
Bob: Yeah, well, I'll get right to the point. Ever since Janet dropped
her mudflap at the Superbowl, the FCC has been going nuts. They're
going after anything even remotely obscene. Did you know they fined the Oscars $50,000 for showing a picture of Michael Moore?
Evil Glenn: Well, I can understand that. Showing a boob is one thing, but images of a gaping asshole IS really over the top.
Bob: Agreed. So around here we're really concerned that the Feds are
going to get overzealous and attempt internet censorship. I don't know
if they can do it, but I'm not waiting around to find out, so I'm
making sure we're not hosting anything objectionable on our server.
Since your site, and specifically your logo, is at the top of our list of complaints, I figured maybe you could clean it up a bit
Evil Glenn: Thousands of people are complaining about my logo?
Bob: Well, just one, actually. He says that your logo looks like a very
pointy boob with a round nipple on top, and claims that those white
things represent part of a Jacksonesque nipple-shield.
Evil Glenn: That's INSANE! What kind of sick, twisted pervert would even imagine such a thing?
Bob: Well, it was signed Frank J., if that means anything.
Evil Glenn: Hmmm. That would explain it. Indeed… But that's only ONE lousy complaint. How can that put me at the top of your naughty blogger list?
Bob: Glenn, it's the only complaint we got, so it makes you stick out like a hooker in a convent. I'm not taking the heat for this one. Change the logo.
Evil Glenn: All right, all right, don't get your skivvies in a clove
hitch. Let me poke around the C drive & see if I can scare
something up… hmmm… Ok, Bob, check your e-mail quick & tell me if
this one's suitable.
Bob: GOOD GOD! How could you POSSIBLY think that a picture of a man having sex with an inflatable penguin would be acceptable? This thing wouldn't even be safe for work if you were Helen Thomas's gynecologist!
Evil Glenn: WHAT? [checking attachment] Whoops! Heh. Wrong file. Try this one…
Bob: GAH! What. Is. That. THING?
Evil Glenn: Portrait of the author.
Bob: I think you got the wrong picture again. This looks like some kind of Martian vampire version of Riff-Raff from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Evil Glenn: I think it's about time people saw my true appearance.
Bob: Look, just stay coiled up inside the human suit for a little while longer. NOBODY'S ready for this. What else ya got?
Evil Glenn: Geez! You are SUCH a cowering little gerbil! Fine! You want inoffensive? You GOT it!…
Bob: Nope.
Evil Glenn: WHAT? It's a freakin' FLOWER!
Bob: Sorry, it's just gonna raise more nipple-shield issues. Try again.
Evil Glenn: I give up. I'm just going to select a .jpg at random… there…
Bob: Interspecies mating?
Evil Glenn: Whoops! Heh. Forgot to exclude the "Personal" folder from the search. One more time…
Bob: and… this would be the result of said interspecies mating?
Evil Glenn: Well, I kinda felt responsible for his creation, so I adopted him. Isn't he adorable?
Bob: In a sick and wrong sort of way, yes. Don't you have ANYTHING that good and decent people will find unobjectionable?
Evil Glenn: How the hell should I know what good & decent people want? I'm a lawyer!
Bob: Good point. In that case, pick something YOU would find objectionable.
Evil Glenn: Hey! That's a GREAT idea! Let me pop open my "icky" folder…
EWWW! Here's one of a beautiful woman celebrating her first place
finish in a golf tournament. The joy, the sunshine, the sweet smell of
an honestly earned victory… I'll have to kill a dozen hobos to get the foul taste out of my mouth…
Bob: PERFECT! No one could POSSIBLY find this the least bit suggestive or objectionable. I think we have a winner. Thanks for all your help, Glenn.
Evil Glenn: Don't mention it.
All I can say is that if he goes with that last one, I might have to blogroll him.
INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!
posted by Harvey at 8:28:39 PM permalink HOME
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© Copyright 2005 Harvey Olson.
Last update: 9/10/2005; 5:04:59 PM.
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MAIN ARCHIVES
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