WMD? WE AIN'T GOT NO STINKING WMD

Via the Emperor, I was pointed to a nice piece from the Weekly Standard that traces the Iraqi WMD flap from the known stockpiles in 1998 (yes, on Clinton's watch) all the way up to GW taking a little action in 2003, including a some back history from 95 up to 98.

Funny, I don't remember hearing about this in the news lately during all the liberal asshat shouts of "there are no WMD!".

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Thank you for yesterday, today, and always...

For bringing me happiness right from the start

and offering me both your love and your heart,

for being so thoughtful in all that your do,

overlooking my faults, and understanding me too.

TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

Spectrographic analysis reveals that George Washington was, apparently, composed largely of sodium.

EVIL GLENN LIMERICKS

I'm probably too late to get in on the contest, but my love of poetry knows no bounds. Thus:

There once was a blogger named Glenn

Who blended a puppy and then

He said with a smile

As he danced, Robot style

“On the yum scale, that was a ten!”

Glenn drank up his glass of pup goo,

Praised Satan, and killed hobos, too.

To penguin bare asses

He steamed up his glasses

As he pleasured himself on the loo.

I feel so dirty now.

NO, SERIOUSLY

If I were from this little town in Michigan, I would lie about it. I don't care how good their baseball team is.

THE JOYS OF RANDOM SURFING

While I was getting some names for my last 200 Words or Less post, I stumbled across this wonderful site that keeps track of Hollywood idjit asshattery.

It's a handy item to have in your bookmarks in case you ever need to make a point about mealy-mouthed little goat-felchers like:

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Most Boycotted Actors:			Total
#1	Janeane Garofalo		6099
#2	Susan Sarandon		5746
#3	George Clooney		5717
#4	Michael Moore		5671
#5	Martin Sheen		5590
#6	Danny Glover		5397
#7	Sean Penn		5318
#8	Alec Baldwin		5252
#9	Tim Robbins		5162
#10	Julia Roberts		5102

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Plus it makes plenty of their stupid quotes available for your mocking pleasure.

A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR...

So I was out drinkin' at Madfish Willie's last night, and I overheard this guy tellin' a story over by the bar:

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A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk "You need to use big people' words," she'd always remind them.

She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana," he said. "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo," he replied. She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words." She then asked Ron what he had done. "I read a book," he replied. "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"

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Well, I passed out cold in the corner at this point, so I don't remember the punch line. But I think the Accidental Jedi can help you out.

QUAGMIRE MY ASS

Thanks to a pointer from America's Most Beloved Irishman, I read the tragic news of the Iraqi quagmire at Balloon Juice:

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Six months ago there were no police on duty in Iraq.

· Today there are over 40,000 police on duty, nearly 7,000 here in Baghdad alone.
· Last night Coalition Forces and Iraqi police conducted 1,731 joint patrols.

Six months ago those elements of Saddam’s military that had not been destroyed in combat had buried their airplanes and melted away.

· Today the first battalion of the new Iraqi Army has graduated and is on active duty.
· Across the country over 60,000 Iraqis now provide security to their fellow citizens.

Six months ago there were no functioning courts in Iraq.

· Today nearly all of Iraq’s 400 courts are functioning.
· Today, for the first time in over a generation, the Iraqi judiciary is fully independent.

Six months ago the entire country could generate a bare 300 megawatts of electricity.

· On Monday, October 6 power generation hit 4,518 megawatts—exceeding the pre-war average.
· If we get the funding the President has requested in his emergency budget, we expect to produce enough electricity for all Iraqis to have electrical service 24 hours daily—something essential to their hopes for the future.

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That's about 1/3 of it. Go over there and find out all the other ways we're "losing the peace".

A SPANKING! A SPANKING!

Via COTV #55, there's this interesting observation on "home correction":

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That night, he was mad. He said that what I needed was an old fashioned over the knee spanking and he did just that.

At first I was angry and resisted but the truth is, I wanted him to take me in hand. I wanted him to care enough to stop me behaving like a single woman. I wanted him to put his foot down and assert himself. When he finished spanking me that first time, I clung to him and cried my eyes out..... and then I fell asleep in his arms while he stroked my head and kissed me. Next morning, I felt a sense of peace and love I'd never felt before. I think I'd wanted him to do that for a very long time, and I was acting out more and more to get a reaction out of him. Not consciously but looking back with hindsight I think I was pushing and testing all the time until that night.

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Well, I'm glad it works for her. Despite all the spankings that go on at our house, there's still an awful lot of misbehavior ;-)

WHEN IN DOUBT, ASK A SOLDIER

My current favorite letter at Front Line Voices contains this gem, which comments on the major news networks picking up the "the war costs too much" talking point:

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The news gave way slowly, almost imperceptibly, to commentary until newscaster became commentator and began complaining about the cost of the weapons we are expending and the debt we are accruing. "How," he wailed, "are we going to pay for all this when the President is asking for tax cuts?"

It's a simple fact of life that those who don't know right from wrong shouldn't dabble in economics. They could hurt themselves. If you doubt me ask the French.

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Speaking of the French [*spit*], the writer goes on to mention a delicious rumor about their latest foul behavior.

IF I WERE SOBER I'D KNOW WHAT THEY MEANT

Deep Cover Agent, Codename Jen does a valuable public service by explaining the origins/meanings of the following drinking cliches:

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Hair of the dog that bit you.
Drunk as a skunk.
Drunk as Cooter Brown.
Blind drunk.
Here's mud in your eye.
Never pet a burning dog.

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Now if only she could explain what it means when my wife says "nothing" is bothering her.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

From the moment that our lips parted for the first time, and our eyes were married in a long loving glance, my heart told me that you were the one. My lips needed some more reassurance, but my heart was for certain!

TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY


One of hundreds of Ayn Rand's "near misses" as she struggled to perfect the opening line of "Atlas Shrugged".

200 WORDS OR LESS:

LAST WORDS

Today's question comes from Joey, of Single White Male, who's holding a contest for the best answer, with a one dollar prize for the winner. Dana beat me in his last contest. Sure, she had a good answer, but I'm bettin' those wet-dream boobies of hers tipped the scales in her favor.

Enough griping. Here's the question:

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After a shipwreck you are abandoned on a desert island, you have your choice of four books. You choose a book about knots, a book about law, a book about Karate and a thesaurus, and burn them to send a signal, unfortunatley, an evil and hungry band of pirates discovers you, and decides they're going to eat you. Luckily, you know how to escape from the ropes, and right when they have all of their forks posed, you whip out with your mad karate skills and kill every last one of them. Unfortunatley, without the crew you cannot control the ship, and after several days of aimless drifting, you run into a navy aircraft carrier right off the coast of the United States. The Navy ship isn't damaged beyond repair, and no one is hurt, but you're hauled into court for the murder of the eighteen pirates, and for attemped murder, and any other kind of charges you would get for crashing a pirate ship into an Aircraft Carrier. Luckily, you know the laws, and you try your darndest to get out of it, but even your extensive vocabulary doesn't help you, because you actaully did everything they accused you of. So, you're sentenced to death. Then, right before they inject you with the "Death Juice," they let you say a few words. What will your last words be?

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I was in this very situation just last week. So I shouted "Look! It's Britney Spears and she's completely naked!"

As everyone turned to look, I snuck out the back door. Fortunately, the naked person in question was actually Helen Thomas, so all the guards were too busy screaming, puking, and trying to claw their own eyes out to make any attempt to stop me.

Free at last, I knew I had to clear my name. I called Johnny Cochrane, and he managed to get me a new trial.

Unfortunately, he soon found out how horrifyingly white I am, and that no bloody gloves were involved, so he told me to go f*** myself, and I was forced to act as my own attorney.

During the trial, I produced evidence that the murdered "pirates" were actually Jacques Chirac, Dominique De Villepin, Kofi Annan, Gerhard Schroeder, Kim Jong Il, Saddam Hussein, Michael Moore, Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins, Alec Baldwin, Martin Sheen, Jeanine Garofalo, Natalie Maines, Barbra Streisand, Al Gore, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Evil Bert.

Not only was I acquitted, they’re throwing a ticker-tape parade in my honor next Tuesday. You're all invited.