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"The frightening power of Harvey's filthy lies makes me tremble like a Frenchman. I frequently wet myself in terror and... Oops... damn." - Glenn Reynolds

"Tact is a stranger to you. I like that." - Chris Muir - Day By Day

"The man is a FREAK and a WEIRDO!" - Vigilance Matters

"The nicest thing about having Harvey around is that he makes the raincoat flashers look suave." - Rocket Jones

"...a very, very sick person." - She Who Will Be Obeyed

"pervert of renown extraordinare" - Practical Penumbra

"He's a really nice guy even if he is a little bit weird and creepy sometimes." - Reflections in d minor

"Curmudgeonly Old Coot" - BigStick.US

"Mr. Bad Example" - Straight White Guy

"Shpxurnq!!1!" - The Bartender of Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon

"infamous den of rum, buggery, the lash, and pirate pickup lines" - ErosBlog




















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  Thursday, October 23, 2003


DOIN' GUY STUFF

... with Blogless Brother Tom tonight, so nothing new until tomorrow night. Meanwhile, go congratulate Susie on her below-mentioned achievement. At the very least, drop an off-topic comment in this post. She's a wonderful gal. Go give her some love.

 


posted by Harvey at 6:48:29 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME




SUSIE'S BECOME A REAL WOMAN

I was poking around the Ecosystem today, and saw this:

 

Congratulations to Susie on becoming a Mortal Human.

Of course, personally, I've always worshiped her as a goddess.

 


posted by Harvey at 6:42:48 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



ENQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW...

Jen Lars, despite being a Misguided Minion of the Puppy Blender empire, is doing a great service to the blogosphere by interviewing a long list of bloggers (see right sidebar "You ask, they answer"). My turn on the interview list is coming up shortly, and she's now accepting your questions for me until midnight Monday.

Her previous interviews can be found here, so you can see what questions other bloggers have been asked.

Or just check my "about me" post and see if there's anything you're nosy about. Oh, and there's the "who I look like" post, too.

And feel free to submit more than one question. There's gotta be something you want me to tell you about...

*crickets*

[SQUISH!]

Ignore the crickets. Please send Jen a question for me to answer. Remember, they're anonymous, so I'll never know it was you asking.

And whatever you do, don't ask anything even vaguely related to sex, because that's just dirty, and my innocent mind refuses to ever play in the gutter.

... what are you snickering about? Just pipe down & submit your questions, already.

 

 

 


posted by Harvey at 6:28:32 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

If I received a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.

 


posted by Harvey at 6:07:28 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

 

Actually, men like me prefer to *ahem* lix.

 


posted by Harvey at 6:05:38 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



MARRIAGE JOKE

I got this from one of my customers:

*******

Why is a marriage like a tornado?

Because they both start out with a lot of blowing & sucking, and end up with you losing your house.

*******

 


posted by Harvey at 7:45:23 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



HELPING YOU BE HEALTHY

Since the blogless Beloved Wife is still, well, blogless, I'm posting this little ditty from the "forwarded a million times file":

*********

Q. What does HMO stand for? 

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back
to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a
patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked
hard enough in the eyes.

  _____ 

Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I
want? 

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer
will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These
doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer
accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer
participating in the plan. But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is
still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's
drive away, and a diploma from a Third World country.

  _____ 


Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification? 

A. No. Only those you need. 
 
  _____ 

Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions? 

A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

  _____ 


Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine? 

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

  _____ 

 

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I
tried the Generic   Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I
do? 

A. Poke yourself in the eye.

  _____ 

 

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick? 

A. You really shouldn't do that.

  _____ 

 

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle
my problem. Can a general   practitioner really perform a heart transplant
right in his office? 

A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20
co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it. 
  _____  

 *********

 


posted by Harvey at 7:33:42 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



I AXED DA DUDE 'BOUT DA BAF'ROOM

Apparently there's some controversy over cops transcribing interviews phonetically instead of taking it upon themselves to translate thug-speak into English. Via CotV #57, Joe Kelley has the details & it's an interesting read. Personally, I just LOVE this line:

***********

It’s not the transcripts that make the speakers sound stupid, it’s their ignorance of the English language and proper dialect that makes them sound stupid.

***********

Mheh.

 


posted by Harvey at 7:29:14 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



YUMMY!

Jacques Chirac's fate in the afterlife? J of Quibbles & Bits paints a delicious picture.

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

 


posted by Harvey at 7:19:34 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



ZING!

Day By Day. Go.

 


posted by Harvey at 6:55:55 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



WHERE'S MATT-O?

Matt O'Blackfive is hidden somewhere in these pictures from American Realpolitik. Can you find him?

 


posted by Harvey at 6:45:37 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



NEW PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR ASSIGNMENT UP AT HQ

What lessons can we learn from the life of Ted Kennedy?

The great thing about Ted is that he's like Jesus in reverse. All you have to do is ask yourself "What Would Ted Do" and then don't do that.


posted by Harvey at 6:29:18 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



ASSIGNMENT RESULTS POSTED

The results of the last 2 Alliance assignments:

What award would you give Michael Moore?

and

Write a witty tagline for Instapundit's blog

are here and here, respectively.

 


posted by Harvey at 12:46:54 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!

I'm a type A personality. I've got stuff to do, I'm on a mission, I want to do what needs to be done and then move right on to the next task on the list.

Apparently Trey Givens feels similarly, and has no patience with those who don't.

 

Can I get a "hallelujah"?

 

Uh, figuratively speaking, of course ;-)

 


posted by Harvey at 12:40:43 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



MISHALANCHE!

I don't know how this happened, but his Imperial ClueBattiness (um, that's supposed to be an honorific), has honored me with a double-shot of linkage today.

Color me giddy :-)

 


posted by Harvey at 12:31:45 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



JUST LIKE CHER

Well, I'll be darned. I'm now the 27th most famous Harvey on Google.

Mom would've been proud.

Uh,.. on second thought, maybe it's better that she's not around to see this...

 


posted by Harvey at 12:24:03 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY BLOG

J, of Quibbles & Bits, has a short, creepy tale of how childhood goes horribly wrong. It's a little more Harlan Ellison than Stephen King this time, and quite excellent:

*********

An Invisible Friend

A boy's life is easy. Wake up, breakfast, school, play, dinner, homework, TV, bedtime. The endless cycle of the school age child, disrupted only by summer time and doctor's visits.

Until I come along.

Oh, I make myself known first to the child harmlessly. His open imagination makes it easy, and if his friends are few, all the better. I give him what he needs -- companionship, a playmate, and unqualified friendship. He sees in me what he sees in himself. That reflection may be a bright, shining mirror, in which case it soon fades as the child ages, as he becomes a teenager, then a man.

That always disappoints me, but I take solace in the few whose reflection is less bright. They have a dark streak.

They are the bad seed.

*********

Naturally I encourage you to read the rest... with the lights on.

Tangentially, I can't help wondering if maybe this explains why Evil Glenn grew up to be a puppy-blending, hobo-murdering maniac.

 


posted by Harvey at 12:18:36 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



IT ALL STARTED...

The Bartender is now collecting your "first time" drinking-related stories:

********

Remember the first drink you ever took? (With your parents doesn't count - sneaking out is where it's at!)

How about the first time you got drunk?...

The first bar you were ever in?...

The first bar you ever got thrown out of?...

********

Go tell him if it was good for you.


posted by Harvey at 12:12:01 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



EXPLAINING BLOBS

Recently, after not being in touch for a couple months due to his computer problems, I got together with my dear old blogless friend Kevin (my partner in crime, sometimes literally, since 8th grade). He asked me what I'd been up to lately, and I told him I was really busy blogging nowadays.

He was duly unimpressed.

Via Madfish Willie's, Parkway Rest Stop relates the conversation almost verbatim:

*********

“You mentioned that you have a blog? Did you say ‘blog’ or ‘blob’?”

“It’s a ‘blog,’ not a ‘blob.’ It’s short for weblog?”

“Oh, and what is a weblog?”

“Weblogs are internet sites on which people write dated entries.”

“Oh, so lots of people write things on your blog?”

“No, I’m the only one who writes things there.”

“Are you the only person who has a blog?”

“No, lots of people have blogs. In fact, it is estimated that a couple million people have them.”

“And they all write things in them?”

“That’s correct.”

“Who reads the stuff?”

“It depends on the blog. Some bloggers …”

(Laughter) “Did you say ‘bloggers’?”

“Yeah, that’s what people who have a blog are called.”

“So, you’re a ‘blogger’?” (more laughter)

*********

If you've ever tried to explain blogging to the uninitiated, you may find the rest of the conversation familiar as well.

Drink alert in effect.

 

 


posted by Harvey at 12:08:59 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME




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