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"The frightening power of Harvey's filthy lies makes me tremble like a Frenchman. I frequently wet myself in terror and... Oops... damn." - Glenn Reynolds

"Tact is a stranger to you. I like that." - Chris Muir - Day By Day

"The man is a FREAK and a WEIRDO!" - Vigilance Matters

"The nicest thing about having Harvey around is that he makes the raincoat flashers look suave." - Rocket Jones

"...a very, very sick person." - She Who Will Be Obeyed

"pervert of renown extraordinare" - Practical Penumbra

"He's a really nice guy even if he is a little bit weird and creepy sometimes." - Reflections in d minor

"Curmudgeonly Old Coot" - BigStick.US

"Mr. Bad Example" - Straight White Guy

"Shpxurnq!!1!" - The Bartender of Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon

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  Tuesday, October 21, 2003


FEELIN' DON'S PAIN

Don, of Anger Management is going to attempt stand-up comedy at a local open-mike night. I wish him the best of luck. Mostly because, if he's busy being funny on stage, he's not out-funnying me here in the blogosphere (like I need MORE competition).

But seriously, folks, he brings up a good point in an otherwise what-I-did-on-my-summer-vacation post:

*********

I can't tell whether or not the material is funny. I think it is, but I guess you just can't tell until you present it.

*********

Man, can I ever relate to that.

I deal with this problem all the time. For example, take my Glenn's Tagline post. The bicycle one had *me* laughing out loud. But I think that was mostly because I had a mental picture of Evil Glenn with a cruel sneer on his face, poking his finger in some helpless 10-year-old boy's chest while he says it. Also, the cadence, tone, and pauses are very important for making it work right. Trouble is, there's only so much you can do with punctuation. I try my best, but in the end, everyone makes their own soundtrack & video for the words I write. I'm betting it's nobody else's favorite on the list.

Um... somebody has read the list, right?

Anyway, the other problem with writing high-powered comedy like I do (and would SOMEBODY please back me up on that last part? Please?) is that in good humor, there's a certain degree of surprise that's required in order to make it funny. You have an innocent looking set-up that gently hints that humor is coming, then you have the surprise twist line after. The twist only works if it:

1) is not obvious

2) makes perfect sense if you think about it

So, in order to make yourself laugh, you have to surprise yourself with an non-obvious, yet perfectly sensible follow-up to your initial set-up. Unless you have multiple personality disorder, it's REALLY hard to sneak up on yourself like that.

But sometimes I do, and nothing makes me happier.

Except reading my comments and finding out that I snuck up on my readers, too.

 

 

BOO!


 


posted by Harvey at 11:38:28 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME




LYNN TICKLES ME

Lynn writes intelligent, civil, insightful, thoughtful observations, as a rule. Then every once in a while, she'll pop off something like this that makes me wonder how much fun it'd be to go out drinking with her. On the topic of the recent denial of service attacks on Hosting Matters, she busts out with this sentence:

**********

All it takes is one blogger saying something to P.O. some cowardly, fascist, anti-freedom, camel-screwing scum-bag and half the blogosphere goes down.

**********

One of these days she's gonna drop an f-bomb & send me to the hospital with laugh-broken ribs.

You go, girl!


 


posted by Harvey at 11:04:05 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



WHO DO YOU TRUST?

Over at Reflections in d minor, Lynn has some brilliant musings on the topic of trust and how people decide who is worthy of their trust. She goes on to relate this to whether old-media sources are any more trustworthy than blogs when it comes to gathering information:

*********

I recall a brief conversation I had several years ago with a co-worker, about Dateline NBC. This woman was, frankly, not the sharpest knife in the drawer but I wouldn't have called her naive. In fact, she was in some ways quite a skeptic. I can't remember the conversation in detail. I used to watch Dateline occasionally but I had started to notice that there was little more to the show than scandal and sensationalism. When I voiced this observation my co-worker said that she watched it because she liked to stay "well-informed." Well, as usual, feeling some sort of moral imperative to educate the innocent and naive, I tried to explain to her that watching a show that is not informative cannot make one well-informed. I might as well have been speaking Greek. It was simply not within her power to grasp the possibility that a TV show billed as "news" might not be presenting useful and worthwhile information.

Most of the people I meet in "real-space" seem to share this same innocent trust in the news media. Oh, they might say that the media are biased but they still think that by watching the news on TV they are "well-informed." They are confident in their ability to think for themselves but it never occurs to them that ABC, CNN or whoever they're watching might be leaving out stuff they need to know. These people really need to be reading blogs.

*********

She continues by pointing out that, when it comes to news sources, bigger is not always better, but that THAT concept is difficult for some people to grasp. And she ends with a question:

*********

Sadly, I don't see this situation changing very much because, as I observed earlier, it's based on instinct. How does one go about changing the instincts of an entire culture?

*********

My answer?

One mind at a time.

And bless Lynn's sweet heart for going after every mind she can reach with her blog.

 


posted by Harvey at 10:52:41 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



THE OTHER HALF OF HOW THE OTHER HALF LIVES

As I mentioned previously, Heather is reviewing a book by an arrogant, snooty bitch who tried to live just like one of those quaint working-po' folks. In the second half, she talks about the book and she's trying to be all nice & even-handed, and it's ok to read, but it was the same feeling I got watching The Matrix, kinda tapping my foot through all that "Mr. Anderson works in a cubicle farm" stuff, that, while interesting, wasn't really why I plopped down my eight bucks.

Ah, but eventually, I'm rewarded for my patience with Heather's equivalent of THE LOBBY SCENE:

***********

Disagreement

Page 121: "Not to mention my worry that the Latinos might be hogging all the crap jobs and substandard housing for themselves, as they often do." Grr.

Page 127: Barbara basically asserts that a breathing, non-moving, non-functional slab of human cheese should make $11.77 an hour - a "living wage."

Page 129: I'm irritated that Barbara "needs" a furnished apartment. Really, one piece of furniture will suffice for a bit - bed/couch.

Page 140: Barbara rails that one of the furnished places at which she is looking does not come equipped with a microwave.

Page 147: "My watch battery ran out, and I had to spend $11 to get it replaced." (Emphasis mine). As Brian pointed out, she could have BOUGHT a new watch from Wal-Mart for far cheaper if she NEEDED the timepiece-on-wrist functionality.

Page 156: "I feel oppressed, too, by the mandatory gentility of the Wal-Mark culture." Feel isn't is, baby.

***********

Not wanting to spoil it all, I left you the part where the elevator comes back down, so go hit her site.

"Feel isn't is, baby"

oooooh! That just gives me grinning shivers of joy :-)

 


posted by Harvey at 10:21:20 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



CAUGHT NAPPING

I'm not sure why Owen isn't all over this one like junkyard dog on a hippy's ass, but I'll give him a hand here.

The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel has a cry-piece on how all these state workers are facing doom & tragedy because State budget cuts are going to force layoffs:

*********

In a sign of the times, and a harbinger of things to come for many other state employees, Erickson lost her $18-an-hour job a few weeks ago [emphasis added]

*********

So,... MANY state employees will soon become un-employees.

Yeah, maybe if they're Casper the Friendly F'n Ghost:

*********

Only a few dozen permanent employees have been laid off so far, as state government got through the first round of job cuts by abolishing thousands of vacant posts [emphasis added]

*********

Did you know Wisconsin was paying money for the privilege of having THOUSANDS OF VACANT POSTS?

What. The. F***?

 


posted by Harvey at 10:07:14 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



AMERICA'S NAUGHTIEST PIN-UP GIRL

Dana's innocent son is playing an innocent child's game on his innocent computer, and when this innocent little phrase comes out of the speaker, Dana, with her filthy little mind, has to go start thinking bad, bad thoughts. Shame on her!

Actually, Dana, if it's any consolation, I've got some non-ant-related software that uses the exact same phrase...

[space][space][space][space][space][space][space][space]
[space][space][space][space][space][space][space][space]
[space][space][space][space][space][space][space][space][space][space][space][space][space][SPACE]

[End]

*lights cigarette*


posted by Harvey at 9:44:03 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



BURNING LATER MEANS BURNING BRIGHTER

Ya know, I remember back when Kevin used to get the Bonfire up before noon. I guess systematic combustion reactions are harder to wake up than you'd think.

This week, Kevin does his best job EVER in supplying a common theme to all the entries. Sure, he had to sacrifice a little wit to make the words work, but it DOeS look pretty.

Meanwhile, some folk need re-training on the meaning of the word "worst". Here's a hint, Jim: if you make me laugh, it's NOT your "worst" post.

Oh, and I see you in the corner snickering over there, Byran CTRL+F "zit" man. Don't think I didn't notice how much your post didn't suck. Geez. That's what the CARNIVAL is for.

Honestly. Is Patrick the only person who can make me yawn? Straighten up, people!

 


posted by Harvey at 9:32:00 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



ASSIGNMENT: TAGLINE

The assignment:

Write a witty tagline for Instapundit's blog

"Humpin', Pumpin', Bare-Assed Penguins For The Masses"

"Fair. Balanced. Short. Repetitive. Indeed."

"Liking You, Linking You, Crashing Your Server"

"Serving Satan So You Don't Have To"

"I'm Not Really As Short As My Posts"

"Monopolizing The Internet Since August 2001"

"I'll Devour Your Soul"

"I AM The Blogosphere!"

"Yeah. I Stole Your Bicycle. So What? You Gonna Cry Now? Huh? Go On. Cry! Cry!... Ya Little Pussy."

"I'm Compensating For Something"

"Too Late. I Already Posted On That. Guess You'll Have To Find Another Topic Now. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Evil White Dancing Machine"

"Blogroll Me Or I'll Punch You, Too"

"Where America Turns For 5000 RPM Puppies"

Or my personal favorite:

INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

 

 


posted by Harvey at 6:15:41 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

Warm like a summer's breeze

Soft as a night's whisper

Deep as the bluest sea

The fullness of love

Unbound and free

Shine on me in the night

With starlit glow

And mellow my day with your desires

That in my step I am light and free

And in my sleep I am content

And at rest...

 


posted by Harvey at 5:45:56 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY



...With ratings now in the cellar, their formerly popular cable access program was soon cancelled. Amid the blame and fingerpointing, the comedy duo's relationship - once warm and close - deteriorated rapidly. Before their final split, the level of mistrust grew to the point where both he and Garth took to labeling their personal possessions.

 


posted by Harvey at 5:41:58 PM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



HIPPIES & COMMIES & SOCIALISTS (OH MY!)

Well, here's a fine little bit of breakfast. I went to post the New Blog Showcase results at Alliance HQ last night, and it looks like a third group is going to join the sponsorship fray. The League of Nations Liberals is a newly formed band of whatever that leans left and wants to get some attention by winning the NBS sponsorship privilege next week.

Fine.

Go there once just to see who they think they are, and so you know who's in it so you don't accidentally visit one of those places again.

Then remember to vote in the New Blog Showcase. Geez, I'd rather see the Axis of Naughty win than this collection of bad news. At least the Axis is only pretend evil.

 


posted by Harvey at 6:28:50 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME



HEATHER'S INTERVIEW

...is up at DCA,CN: Jen's place. My favorite serious answer:

************

What would be your top three tips to lose weight?

It's a three-in-one. Cardiovascular training, strength training, and nutrition (note I don't say diet). Aim to lose one to two pounds a week, no more. In order to do this properly, you need to know your starting body fat percentage, which means a date with the loathsome calipers. Once you know that, though, you'll learn your maintenance calories. Cut 500 from those, and there's your plan. If you drop 500 a day, you'll drop a pound a week, basically. Exercise is gravy on top of that. The cardio will help you burn off some extra fat, and the strength training will ensure that your new body is taut and strong, not wiggly.

I've had excellent results with a medium carbohydrate, medium fat regimen. That's too simple, though. My carbs are mostly complex (fruits, veggies, and whole grains), and the fats primarily polyunsaturated and monosaturated; meaning few from animal fat and junk. Most of my fat comes from nuts, lean meat, and salad dressing (oil).

One more idea; don't drink your calories. No sugared soda. No alcohol while you're trying to lose. You can treat yourself every once in a while, but these items shouldn't be everyday things (that's what I mean by "no.")

************

Favorite non-serious answer:

***********
What are the names of your neighbors' 10 gerbils?

Thyme, Coriander, Nutmeg, Cayenne, Basil, Oregano, Rosemary, Sage, Tumeric, and Bob.

***********

Just go read it all.

And you can still get your questions in for Matt O'Blackfive until midnight Tuesday.

 


posted by Harvey at 12:07:15 AM  permalink    Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback []  HOME




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