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Tuesday, January 06, 2004
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WHAT'S A POP-UP?
Just wanted to mention this. The coolest thing about Mozilla
as a web browser is that is has a setting that allows you to disable
all unrequested pop-up windows. It's the greatest invention since oral
sex.
posted by Harvey at 7:52:45 PM permalink HOME
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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE
(Introduction)
When she shall die,
Take her and cut her into little stars,
And she will make the face of heaven so fine,
That all the world will be in love with night,
And pay no worship to the garish sun.
posted by Harvey at 7:45:20 PM permalink HOME
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WEASEL PENANCE
Sure, France, Germany & Russia
are trying to make nice with us by forgiving some Iraqi debt, but they
REALLY hurt our feelings with all that "opposing the war" crap. Any
member of the Axis of Weasels who wants forgiveness has a few acts of contrition to perform.
First, some country-specific items:
France: Admit that Jerry Lewis isn't funny. We'd like that in writing, please.
Russia: Get a real alphabet.
Germany: Learn to drink your beer cold.
***************
Second, some stuff that goes for every last anti-war Weaselite out there:
Write 1000 times "I will not coddle terrorists." The UN can check it for spelling errors. I figure they can manage that much without screwing up.
Never miss a good opportunity to shut the f*** up.
At every press conference, wear a T-shirt that says: "I'm a two-faced crap weasel with bony girl arms and I smell like an elephant's butt!"
Drop & give me 20
We're revoking citizenship for the entire gang of Hollywood asshats. Please give them a nice home. Running water and toilet facilities are, of course, strictly optional at your discretion.
Bake us a nice batch of chocolate chip cookies. From scratch. Dough from a tube doesn't count
Flowers would be nice. Oh, and candy. Maybe a pair of diamond earrings, too.
Scrub our toilets. Yes, with your tongues.
Foot massages, all around.
Making English your country's official language would be a good touch.
We get to punch you in the arm. Ready? Go! Whoops! Two for flinching! [WHACK! WHACK!]
Your national hat is now the Stetson.
Your new National Anthem is "Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue"
There! Now doesn't it feel nice to have a clear conscience? Apology accepted.
SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!
posted by Harvey at 7:17:00 PM permalink HOME
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TRAVELLING TORCHLIGHT FREAKSHOW
Bonfire of the Vanities, that is. Now pouring out ghastly fumes at the formerly-respectable Boots & Sabers. I have to admit, Owen has a great handle on the snarky intros. This week's episode is worth visiting for those alone.
Come to think of it, it's the ONLY reason to visit, because all the entries are PURE CRAP!
Especially Jimmy Snoozebutton, who apparently hacked into my computer. I mean, I simply can't believe that it's pure coincidence that his list of New Year's resolutions is exactly the same as mine!
posted by Harvey at 12:12:17 AM permalink HOME
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© Copyright 2005 Harvey Olson.
Last update: 6/24/2005; 7:39:21 PM.
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