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Tuesday, January 27, 2004
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GEEK STREET CRED
In the comments to this post, Brian (see J. Noggle, Musings from)
questioned my geek credibility. In an effort to reaffirm my geekdom, I
offer, verbatim, the Prime Directive, from the Star Trek original
series episode "Bread and Circuses":
No identification of self or mission.
No interference with the social development of said planet.
No references to space or the fact that there are other worlds or more advanced civilizations.
Word.
posted by Harvey at 7:53:12 PM permalink HOME
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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE
(Introduction)
...How did I ever end up with you? I think fate must have gambled with
destiny and I won. I didn't have to question my love when we first met,
my heart already knew. I think that I must have lived an entire
lifetime in the moments that I was waiting for you. I do not know what
the future holds for us, but I trust you to take me where you want it
to go. Wherever you lead, I'll follow. I don't regret one thing that
has happened in my past. Every road I went down was one I had to take
to get me to you...
posted by Harvey at 7:05:32 PM permalink HOME
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI
CURRENCY
[St. Lazerth - Anyone who Receives this bill will be Blessed with a Lot of Money if They Write this saying on 10 other Bills]
Next time try using St. Amway, the patron saint of marginally successful pyramid schemes.
posted by Harvey at 7:02:03 PM permalink HOME
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YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE
To the five, yes FIVE different people who stood in front of my teller
window today, putting forth a hideous wall of reeking cigarette, stale
booze, and/or farm-animal by-product stench and performing numerous
banking transactions, while I gagged helplessly on your revolting funk:
WILL YOU PLEASE F****** BATHE?
Thank you.
posted by Harvey at 6:50:18 PM permalink HOME
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STALKING LESSONS
Ever had one of those REALLY annoying people that just keeps buggin' ya
& buggin' ya? Maybe some over-zealous boyfriend-wanna-be who JUST
isn't tuning in to your "get lost" vibe"? Well, this problem is more
easily solved than you might think. Just hand your cell phone to Don of
Anger Management and say bye-bye to stalker-guy. Don't believe me? See for yourself.
God, I love the way this story keeps getting better as you go along. Just when you think it's over...
posted by Harvey at 6:35:21 PM permalink HOME
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MORE, PLEASE
J of Quibbles & Bits has started yet another of his superbly crafted tales.
It's about a 5 minute read, but it feels like 30 seconds. What I like
about this one is how smoothly, quickly & seemingly without effort,
J. establishes mood and character:
Natalie touched the soft fur,
stroked it, but the kitten did not move. She felt the hot tears on her
cheeks, and was ashamed. At eleven, she considered herself a grown up
girl, and crying was not allowed. She might hear Natalie crying.
Natalie cried anyway.
Jasper was dead.
He wasn't her first pet to die --
she'd lost two hamsters and a guinea pig - but this was different. This
was Jasper. She hadn't even had him half a year, and already he was
gone. She loved him so much. No more Jasper kisses. No more
mouse-fetching. No more warm spots on the pillow. No more Jasper. She
stroked his cool fur and whispered his name.
"Jasper..."
"Natalie!" It was her stepmother,
Gwen. She shouted. She always shouted. She wouldn't walk through the
old house looking for Natalie, she just yelled. Natalie stroked the
kitten one more time before she hollered back.
I'll give him a couple days to finish before I start whipping out the
"torture the teasy-writer-man until he finishes the story" tools, but
don't mistake my forbearance for mercy.
posted by Harvey at 6:33:29 PM permalink HOME
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SCARRED
Slow day at the bank. Checked my referrer logs. MonkeyWatch is there. I look. I find this. Fool that I am, I click the link.
Yes, they're only fictional monkeys, but this is NOT something that civilized folk write about as a children's story. What's next? "The Happy Baby Monkeys Get Hit By A Bus"?
Since karma must always re-balance, I figure that - very soon - I will
win the lottery while having the most powerful orgasm of my life.
Damn you, Ed.
posted by Harvey at 6:29:12 PM permalink HOME
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I'M NOT BITTER
It was only a game. Doesn't matter. So what if the Packers got beat by
the Eagles a couple weeks ago? Why would I still be bitter about THAT?
In fact I'm *completely* over it. The fact that I didn't find this post (discovered via Bonfire of the Vanities #30) even REMOTELY funny is proof that any hard feelings I may once have had are gone, Gone, GONE!
*snicker*
posted by Harvey at 6:23:31 PM permalink HOME
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WHAT SHE SAID
Commenting on an opinion piece published on an Australian news web site, hM of homicidalManiak posts one of the most apt analogies for why we went to war that I've ever read:
To avoid the biggest mess you have
to catch the glass before it hits the ground. You may spill some water
in the process, but you'll have a hell of a lot bigger mess to clean up
if you let the glass shatter. It was only a matter of time before the
glass shattered in this case (assuming it already hadn't).
Beautiful.
posted by Harvey at 6:20:57 PM permalink HOME
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© Copyright 2005 Harvey Olson.
Last update: 6/24/2005; 7:44:50 PM.
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MAIN ARCHIVES
CATEGORY ARCHIVES
GRAFFITI CURRENCY
200 WORDS OR LESS
FILTHY LIES
LOVE NOTES
PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR
KING OF THE BLOGS
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