| |
|
Sunday, January 11, 2004
|
|
LOOKING FOR AN AGENT
J of Quibbles & Bits is probably one of the most entertaining fiction authors
I've ever had the pleasure of reading, and I'm forever yapping about
this or that great piece that he's posted, because these things are
professional-quality, and your chance to be able to say "I read world
famous author Josh Fielek's works back when he was just a blogger"
isn't going to last forever.
In fact, J is currently looking for an agent. Unfortunately, I have no
connections in the literary world. However, if any of you have a lead
on where J could find an agent, please drop a comment at this post on his site.
posted by Harvey at 11:19:50 PM permalink HOME
|
|
QUESTION OF THE DAY
via Blogless Brother Roy. It was amidst a bunch of Stephen Wrightish
witticisms, but I'm actually serious about wanting to know the answer,
because this question has bugged me for a long time:
How important does a person have to be before they are
considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Any ideas? Or do I have to ask Jen on this one?
posted by Harvey at 11:07:26 PM permalink HOME
|
|
FROM WHENCE?
In the comments to this post, Chris of Tao of Dowingba asks an intelligent question:
[W]here do you find all this graffitoed money? Are these
actually bills you own that you scan? Does all American money have
funny things scribbled on it?
Ok, 3 questions. Anyway, answers are as follows:
I work at a bank, where I am the teller in charge of the cash vault for
my branch. Consequently, I personally view on the order of 6000 bills
per week, give or take. Anytime I see one with "interesting
characteristics", I acquire it through approved money-handling
procedures, and place them in my personal collection at home. All the
modifications were done by someone else, they are all real, and there
is no photoshopping on my part. All the bills I post were found in
circulation except as otherwise noted.
And yes, all American money has funny scribbling on it. "Legal tender
for all debts public and private". Heh. Sounds like they're describing
a steak.
posted by Harvey at 10:53:49 PM permalink HOME
|
|
TODAY'S LOVE NOTE
(Introduction)
If all those glittering monarchs that command the servile quarters of
this earthly ball should tender in exchange their shares of land, I
would not change my fortunes for them all. Their wealth is but a
counter to my coin... the world is but theirs; but my beloved is mine.
posted by Harvey at 10:42:27 PM permalink HOME
|
|
MEANWHILE AT MADFISH WILLIE'S
I don't see the Champagne Room round-up yet. I hope I don't have to rescue the Bartender from Evil Glenn's clutches again. But at least there's another list of stolen comedy to keep us content for a little while.
- After your fifth drink, you’re like Don Juan with the ladies: They Don Juan nothing to do with you.
- You suspect that water, taken in small quantities, isn’t all that dangerous.
- You occasionally have meals with your wine.
- You wake up every morning at the crack of ice.
- You drink to forget you drink.
I left the other 15 on the Bartender's counter. Go take a peek
posted by Harvey at 10:29:30 PM permalink HOME
|
|
WHY US FOREIGN POLICY WORKS
Via the Carnival of the Vanities #68, comes this delightful and informative no-punches-pulled screed from Solomonia on why the big stick has been working better than our previous policy of squishy, boiled carrots:
Thing is, we are not just doing this for ourselves. We are, once
again, acting to protect all of western civilization including some of
our harshest critics. We're not making a deal with AQ or OBL or
Khaddaffi, saying "The US is off limits but have at Australia or Canada
or Germany or France and we won't do anything". Which I honestly
believe (don't you?) is a deal France and probably Germany would make
in a heartbeat. What we are saying to these countries is that state
sponsored terrorism of this type must stop. It will stop. You will stop
it. Or we will remove you and replace you with people who will try to
stop it.
And you know what? That IS a more mature and balanced response. The
whole thing of trying to bribe the religious bullies and cut throat
dictators into something approaching reasonable behaviour has a legacy
of forty years of abject [f******] failure. I defy you to show me a
single nation that has emerged from under the rule of either theocracy
or dictatorship because of buying them off. You can't. Not one. It.
Doesn't. [F******]. Work.
There's plenty more, and it's all a joy to read.
posted by Harvey at 10:21:40 PM permalink HOME
|
|
SNARKTASTIC
The charming and voluptuous Venomous Kate has episode 15 of Hunting of the Snark available for your enjoyment.
The one that intrigued me most was Suburban Blight's compaint about Sudden Onset Troll Sydrome, a disease I've been trying to catch for months with no luck. Count your blessings, Kelley.
And if you're done with those trolls can you PLEASE send them my way?
posted by Harvey at 10:14:08 PM permalink HOME
|
|
HOW TO SELL CRAP
Check to the left. There it is - proof that I'm a privileged capitalist. And damn proud of it.
One thing that makes capitalism work is getting the word out that you
have a product to sell, and then making that word sound attractive.
There's also the finer points of making this happen, one of which is
the art of suggesting without lying. I became acutely aware of such
techniques as the use of "weasel words"
to "imply without stating" during a single-semester Consumer Economics
course in High School. Reading Vance Packard's atrocious tome "The
Hidden Persuaders" was also informative.
So I have a mild fascination with advertising as a science. Via the New Blog Showcase, I found that The Greater Nomadic Council has an intriguing analysis
of the connection between the 60's counterculture and some rebellion
taking place simultaneously in the formerly-gray-flanneled halls of
Madison Avenue. It's an interesting and well-presented thesis. Worth a
read for all good capitalists.
posted by Harvey at 10:05:56 PM permalink HOME
|
|
KING OF THE BLOGS RESULTS
After not nearly enough bloody & brutal infighting, the new King of the Blogs is:
ChristWeb
I'm hoping that since I actually gave this blogger a high mark in the
"overall blog" category, God will now stop cursing me with
disappointing Packer games.
SmarterCop came in a fairly distant second, and former monarch Vigilance Matters is left behind in forgotten obscurity. Looks like he'll have to off two bloggers this week instead of just one if he wants his crown back.
The full results can be found here.
My cruel and thoughtless reviews are listed below. Notice how craftily
I avoided the bother of judging the actual contents of the blogs, and
just let everything ride on technical merit. Damn I'm smooth.
******************
Judges Challenge:
The question:
What event in your life would you like to permanently forget? If your
life is either dull, perfect, or contains no regrets, make something up.
The answers reviewed:
ChristWeb:
Good points: Gave an excellent reason for not answering the question,
which I respect, and, frankly, tend to agree with myself - everything
in life is a lesson learned
Bad points: Didn't answer the question, the second part of which
allowed him the opportunity to make up a brilliantly witty tale. Blown
opportunity here.
Score: 7
SmarterCop:
Good points: Answered the question and sprinkled his fairly entertaining story with many amusing links
Bad points: Nothing wrong with the answer, but presentation-wise, it
was a solid block of text, and could've used a little paragraphing.
Score 9
Vigilance Matters:
Good points: Starts off with the cocky, arrogant bluster appropriate to
a tyrannical monarch, takes a little dip in the serious pool, changes
course for some silliness (I'm with you 100% on the dirty diaper
issue), and ends with a useful moral
Bad points: None visible
Score 10
WHOLE-BLOG REVIEWS:
Here are the things I look for when judging a blog:
Comments enabled
Permalinks working
E-mail contact info available
Blogger's name/pseudonym prominently displayed
Site search feature enabled
Link to an "About Me" post on the sidebar
Blogger's gender is easily discernable
Blogroll
Readable font style & size
Readable color scheme (for example, NOT bright red type on bright green background)
Divisions between posts clearly marked
Paragraphing in entries (NOT just writing one fat block of text)
To avoid redundancy, I'm only going to mention areas where a blog is
lacking on a feature. If I don't mention it, there's not a problem.
Content-wise, all 3 bloggers are excellent writers with a strong
command of the English language, and all 3 have great
commentary and creativity. I'm not grading for content in particular, because there's no significant gap in talent.
ChristWeb:
No problems here. He does use that horrid shade of eye-stabbing red in
his titlebar, but it probably represents Christ's blood or something,
so I'll let it go.
Score: 10
SmarterCop:
Mostly perfect, except I couldn't find an "About Me" post. Also, using
a pseudonym leaves open the question of the blogger's gender. If you
were my blogchild, would I hand out "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!"
cigars? It's hard to tell at a casual glance.
Score: 9
Vigilance Matters:
Mostly good. Major issues would be the lack of an "About Me" post, and
lack of a search feature (which can be easily fixed with a tiny bit of
script in the sidebar, thanks to Google (e-mail me & I can send it
to you)). Minor issues – although the blogger's name is prominently
displayed at the bottom of the page, it would be nice to have it in the
individual posts, or under the monkey picture. At the very least,
please consider putting a name under the monkey (preferably a clearly
male name, like "Mr.
McMonkey" or something). Also, the referrer's list at the bottom shows
up on my system as bright blue text on a dark gray background, which is
practically unreadable. You might want to fix it so that the white
background is under it.
Score: 8
******************
Over the next 2 weeks, the following bloggers will attempt to scratch & claw their way out of obscurity for your amusement:
ChristWeb
Blown Fuse
Canadian Comment
Cranial Cavity
Hobson's Choice
Vessel of Honour
Remember entrants, more brutality = more popularity.
Except for Christweb, who will, I'm sure, be calmly practicing his cheek-turning the entire time.
posted by Harvey at 9:49:53 PM permalink HOME
|
|
GEM IN THE SHOWCASE
Good satire is hard to do. Especially the newspaper article format. The Onion does it, the Lemon does it, and Scrappleface is an absolute master at it. Flummery's entry in the new blog showcase tells me that there's an up and coming meistro of the technique. His showcase entry is one example, but there's more in the archives. A talented blogger who bears watching.
Saddam declared Douchebag. Heh.
posted by Harvey at 9:20:55 PM permalink HOME
|
|
|
© Copyright 2005 Harvey Olson.
Last update: 6/24/2005; 7:44:56 PM.
|
|
|
MAIN ARCHIVES
CATEGORY ARCHIVES
GRAFFITI CURRENCY
200 WORDS OR LESS
FILTHY LIES
LOVE NOTES
PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR
KING OF THE BLOGS
|
|
