| |
|
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
|
|
TODAY'S LOVE NOTE
(Introduction)
I may not be totally perfect...
But parts of me are excellent!
posted by Harvey at 10:10:01 PM permalink HOME
|
|
TODAY’S GRAFFITI
CURRENCY
Those who complete Olivia Newman's Lesbian Yoga course receive a unique graduation certificate after completing the auto-cunnilingus final exam. [Caution: XXX ahead. I'm not kidding]
posted by Harvey at 10:07:08 PM permalink HOME
|
|
NO CHAMPAGNE?
So I was over at Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon recently, and I couldn't help but notice there was no edition of Tales From the Champagne Room this week. So I inquired politely...
Harv: Hey Bartender! Champagne Room? What the f***?
Bartender: F*** off, ya perverted freak! I've been busy!
My Spidey-Sense was tingling, so I decided not to pursue the matter further with him. However, after making a few discreet inquiries amongst the Corner of the Bar Gang, I finally discovered the top 10 reasons why the Bartender's been so busy:
10) While preparing the Round-up, he came across Helen's "blogging nekkid" picture and, uh, got *ahem* distracted.
9) He was trying to stop Matty O'Blackfive from driving off with this week's Heineken shipment.
8) He had to take his dog to the Howard Dean Obedience Training School (You! Sit Down!)
7) He's puzzling over how to get his son Bob out of the crocodile before his wife gets home.
6) He sold his soul to Milhous and has been running all over Springfield trying to get it back.
5) He's still at the grocery store, trying to decide between paper & plastic.
4) He's frantically reviewing his diary, trying to come up with 20 more events to list for his next installment of "After Your Fifth Drink..."
3) He can't decide who to give the next Above & Beyond medal to, so he's drinking until he earns it himself.
2) Kang A. Roo quit unexpectedly, so he's been looking for a replacement. Watch for "Dumb Ass Jokes Told by Hillar E. Shrew."
And the number 1 reason why the Bartender's been too busy to post the Champagne Room Link Fest O'Love:
1) Spnak Frnak!
posted by Harvey at 9:54:39 PM permalink HOME
|
|
SEMPER FI
I spent 6 years in the Navy, and during that time (and after), I've
talked my share of trash in the name of inter-service rivalry, but if
you come straight out & ask me, the Marines are the branch of the
American Armed Forces that I have the most respect for. Via Mike the Marine, I found THE post to explain why this should be so. Here's a cut:
All of the services have glorious traditions, but no one
teaches the young soldier, sailor or airman what his uniform means and why
he should be proud of it. But - ask a Marine about World War One, and you
will hear of the wheat field at Belleau Wood and the courage of the Fourth
Marine Brigade, fifth and sixth regiments. Faced with an enemy of superior
numbers entrenched in tangled forest undergrowth, the Marines received an
order to attack that even the charitable cannot call ill - advised. It was
insane. Artillery support was absent and air support hadn't been invented
yet, so the Brigade charged German machine guns with only bayonets,
grenades, and indomitable fighting spirit. A bandy- legged little barrel of
a gunnery sergeant, Daniel J. Daly, rallied his company with a shout, "Come
on you sons a bitches, do you want to live forever"? He took out three
machine guns himself, and they would give him the Medal of Honor except for
a technicality, he already had two of them. French liaison- officers,
hardened though they were by four years of trench bound slaughter, were
shocked as the Marines charged across the open wheat field under a blazing
sun directly into the teeth of enemy fire. Their action was so
anachronistic on the twentieth-century battlefield that they might as well
have been swinging cutlasses, but - the enemy was only human; they could
not stand up to this. So the Marines took Belleau Wood. The Germans called
them "DOGS FROM THE DEVIL"
It's about a 5 minute read, top to bottom. If you know a Marine and
would like a better understanding of their "why", you owe yourself the
whole thing.
posted by Harvey at 6:01:10 PM permalink HOME
|
|
RAY OF SUNSHINE
While the rest of the bitch-&-moan-osphere is complaining about this annoyance & that inconvenience,
Joey of Single White Male takes the high road. Despite a recent
quadruple wisdom tooth extraction, he takes the time to lay out a short list of why it's great to be young, American, and Joey. Here's my favorite:
4. The Future
Coddamn, where do I start? You
know, I have so much potential. There are so many possibilities. Even
the skies not the frikkin' limit.
You know, my word power isn't
strong enough to desribe this. Just, try this: Put yourself in the
shoes (in my case sandals) of a high-school senior who has his entire
future ahead of him, in a country where anything is possible.
I think I'll get a top-of-the-line
fat suit, wig, and ugly baeball cap and make mockumentaries as a fat,
stupid liar, or my own made up version of Michael Moore. (a la Andy
Kaufman/Tony Clifton)
Maybe life ain't so bad after all.
posted by Harvey at 5:54:26 PM permalink HOME
|
|
69 AT SNOOZE BUTTON DREAMS? JUST A COINCIDENCE.
The Carnival of the Vanities is up at Snooze Button Dreams, and Jim hosts with his usual good taste.
*ahem*
Anyway, from there I found eTalkinghead doing a take on the absence of retribution
being rained down on Hillary for her remark that Gandhi "ran a gas
station in St. Louis". Some folks are outraged at the double standard,
because Trent Lott was punished for his racially insensitive remarks and Hillary wasn't. Dustin's point is this:
I don't buy that just because a Republican might
not have received a free ride, Hillary should suffer. As much as I
dislike the junior senator from New York, her opponents are wrong this
time.
Which does have merit as a point of view, and I agree with him. I think
the "Apu running the Kwik-E-Mart" stereotype is funny, so I'm not going
to whack Hillary for making use of it.
On the other hand, I find it hypocritical if ANYONE who disparaged Trent Lott for his comments fails to be just as vociferously condemning of Hillary's
racial "insensitivity". A thought-crime for one should be a
thought-crime for all, or else the thought police lose their
credibility.
Not that they ever had any.
posted by Harvey at 5:48:43 PM permalink HOME
|
|
|
© Copyright 2005 Harvey Olson.
Last update: 6/24/2005; 7:44:37 PM.
|
|
|
MAIN ARCHIVES
CATEGORY ARCHIVES
GRAFFITI CURRENCY
200 WORDS OR LESS
FILTHY LIES
LOVE NOTES
PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR
KING OF THE BLOGS
|
|
