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Monday, January 26, 2004
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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE
(Introduction)
To the best of my knowledge, I don't believe I've told you lately about
the thrill I feel when our lips meet. Chills run down my spine,
electricity fills the air, and I am paralyzed, for just an instant,
while my heart catches up to the emotional overload my brain feels.
Then comes the warmth, and the rush of passion fills the air while I
see clouds explode into broadening, deafening sunlight. I then melt,
deep into the arms of my love, my friend, my companion, my everything.
You are my perfect angel. I love you so deeply...
posted by Harvey at 10:59:22 PM permalink HOME
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
[who ever get this dollar will be bless]
Apparently, mastery of English grammar is not among the blessings one may expect to receive.
posted by Harvey at 10:55:44 PM permalink HOME
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BWAHAHAHAHA!
This is probably more Owen's gig, but still, I must admit this brings me great mirth:
JEFFERSON (AP) - The president of the union local that has been on
strike for nearly 11 months at the Tyson Foods Inc. plant here has
recommended that it accept an amended contract offer Thursday.
"I recommended they ratify this contract so the union can live
to fight another day," Mike Rice said after a meeting Sunday of
striking United Food and Commercial Workers Local 538 workers.
Please note that this is a mere two weeks after this story:
JEFFERSON, Wis. - The
union for 470 workers who have been on strike against Tyson Foods'
Jefferson plant for almost 11 months has rejected the company's latest
contract offer.
The workers, who walked out Feb. 28 over wage and benefit concessions demanded by the company, rejected the offer 242-74 Sunday.
"People know what the consequences of the actions taken today are,
and they're informed and educated, and they still made that decision
based on a subpar contract," Mike Rice, president of the United Food
and Commercial Workers Local 538, told Milwaukee television station
WTMJ-TV.
I say again:
BWAHAHAHAHA!
posted by Harvey at 10:49:13 PM permalink HOME
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YAY! KIDS! YAY! NOT MINE!
People always (or maybe never) ask Beloved Wife and I "when are you going to have children?"
My new answer will be, "When you can guarantee me that doing so will never cause me to say..."
followed by a list of things that parents sometimes say, that I never
want to have to. I don't know what those things are, since I don't have
kids, but LeeAnn of The Cheese Stands Alone tipped me off to a few of them:
"No, Natalie, you cannot have a penis for your birthday."
"Do not feed the baby to the dog."
"Phoebe, how did this get in your diaper?"
"Stop eating the tinsel off the tree right NOW."
More quaint quotations available at the link, including the best one.
posted by Harvey at 10:30:35 PM permalink HOME
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MORE REASONS TO LOVE SUSIE
I just love it when people think sideways and catch me by surprise. In this complaint about the her demon-powered hell-computer, she popped off this line:
It's probably something I can't do
anything about, like the sound card is incompatible with the mouse
driver, or the squirrel chauffeur or something.
Susie just brightens my day :-)
posted by Harvey at 10:27:15 PM permalink HOME
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WORKS FOR ME
Don't get me wrong. It's not like I hate hippies, or anything, it's just that....
...hmmm.... I guess I DO hate hippies. Which is why I so thoroughly enjoyed it when J of Quibbles & Bits sends one to hell.
MUAHAHAHAHA!
posted by Harvey at 9:56:49 PM permalink HOME
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BLOWN!
My fuse, that is. Actually it's Tiffany's fuse.
I first read Blown Fuse when she was an entrant in the New Blog Showcase, back when she was at Earthlink.
Then she showed up in the King of the Blogs Tournament. She's just TOO
fun and expressive not to love. How to describe her blog...
Well, one time, I got my year-old cat whacked-up on catnip, then tossed
her Q-tip. That's about right. High-energy & endlessly
entertaining, you're never quite sure what's coming next.
Two things not to miss your first time over there:
First, her 100 things about me post, which contains:
15 I drive stick shift.
16 I have peeled tires out of a gas station parking lot in the presense of an officer of the law using said stick shift.
17 Officers of the law call that "exibition of speed."
18 I call that "A mistake, Sir, honestly."
And the wall-climbing pictures way down at the very bottom of her page. Just adorable.
And by the way, Tiffany, Unlike some people, I'm a big fan of pink. Just ask Susie about my fascination with her pink.
Wait... did that sound dirty?
Nevermind.
posted by Harvey at 9:31:47 PM permalink HOME
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RETINA BURN, PART 1
That's not funny, that's sick and wrong...
No, wait... that IS funny.
If somewhat disturbing... I guess the worst part would be the mental image of those two in the mating process.
posted by Harvey at 9:07:36 PM permalink HOME
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ADMIRAL! THERE BE WHALES HERE!
I like reading Linus's stuff at Pepper of the Earth. Despite the fact
that I have never been to New York City and therefore have no context
for much of what he says, his soothing prose finds me intrigued more
often than not.
At the end of one of his Life in THE CITY stories, he oh-so-casually tossed in a link that opened my eyes to a name for a concept that I'd only recently become aware of.
Low rise hip-hugger pants are quite the style these days amongst the
girl-in-college, Tigger-tattoo-on-the-ankle crowd. We've got a few of
them working as part-time tellers at the bank. Occasionally, one of
them will squat down to pick up something she's dropped, and WOW! I've
just discovered the panty-color of the day! Now HERE'S a fashion trend
I can get excited about!
Long story short, it's called Whale Tail. Enjoy the link. Just not at work.
posted by Harvey at 9:01:54 PM permalink HOME
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TOO OLD FOR WORDS
Actually I'm old enough for
words. Or more specifically "text adventures" that I used to play on my
crappy little computer back when the smallest "pixel" of color you
could control was about the size of your cursor, and flashy graphics on
a home computer were just a pipe-dream for "someday".
Yes, I actually played Zork. Yes, I enjoyed it. Yes, I didn't know what
it was like to kiss a girl. Thanks for opening up THAT wound.
Anyway, via the Hunting of the Snark, comes King of Fools scripting a date as text adventure.
If you've never played a text adventure (or if you've never been on a
date), don't bother. But if you've done both... read this.
posted by Harvey at 8:50:19 PM permalink HOME
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CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES #70
God, my life just sucks. I went through all the trouble last week of
getting my Carnival entry in early so it would be near the top, and you
know what happened?
I SENT IN THE WRONG FREAKIN' POST!
You see, long ago in order to save myself a little time, I took one of
my earlier entries and stuffed it into the "drafts" folder of my e-mail
program. Then every week, I open a new e-mail, copy, paste, and then
change the relevant data. Except last week I forgot about the
"changing" part.
Crap.
Needless to say, I now have a new template for link-fests. One WITHOUT old data.
Anyway, at CotV #70, which Poliblog
has infused with a Star Trek Original Series theme that just tickles me
to no end, I found a piece by Dan of Pragmatic Conservatism that's
actually helpful, in that it points out how to tell whether you're talking to a liberal. Some hints include:
If Bush and Hitler are used in the same sentence, unless she says " Bush could kick Hitler's Nazi Ass!" , then that is acceptable.
If they describe themselves as " progressive" , this means they smoke pot. Drugs are bad mmmmkay.
If they reference animals food
as having more rights than humans, then they could be a member of PETA.
Please chain them to a tree and leave them for dead.
Plenty more at Dan's place.
posted by Harvey at 8:35:59 PM permalink HOME
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NO CHANGE OF MONARCHY HERE
The final results for the King of the Blogs tournament are in, and ChristWeb retains the crown, with Blown Fuse coming in second, and Vessel of Honour left looking for somewhere else to put that extra "u".
The judges this week were a curmudgeonly lot and tossed about the kind
of brutal snarking rarely seen outside of the Bonfire of the Vanities.
Take Vigilance Matters skewering of the King:
If I had to question anything, it might be the sheer amount
of material in the flanking columns, much of which is of limited
relevance, and tends to drag down the value of everything else. If you
really like that Evanescence album, for instance, I'd expect you to
blog on it, but not necessarily keep the jpeg around for 6 months...
Unless maybe your sister is in the band...
And that was something he LIKED. (8 of 10)
So, like Tiffany says, if you're going for a palace coup, bring your thick skin.
posted by Harvey at 7:54:53 PM permalink HOME
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HOORAY!
Sweet, wonderful, fabulous Teresa, (who many of you know from her many
months of being a comment... whatever the opposite of "troll" is) has
finally succumbed to my incessant prodding (no, that's NOT dirty), and
from this day forward will be gracing the blogosphere with her witty
& insightful commentary from her very own blog, Technicalities.
No more will her beautiful roses be hidden in dank, cavernous comment
sections. They will instead have a garden of their own, and they will
blossom in radiant sunlight. For example:
I'm sure things will be a mess here for a while, until I get the hang
of all the gadgets and templates and links. I will be setting up an
email for the site as soon as I can. Also, there is currently, an
extremely abbreviated blogroll, to which I shall be adding all the
blogs I visit on a regular basis.
.... uh... ok... that kinda sucked. But it was from her first post. She's just getting warmed up. Let's take another look...
It seems that I have one of those little devils that follows me around
and says - you want to do what? Said little devil then makes sure that
all hell breaks loose, thus ensuring that I don't have enough time to
do anything.
Ah... now THERE'S a quote you can hang your hat on. Especially since
that red-faced, black-horned, cloven-hoofed little son of a bitch has a
brother who's been following me around all weekend, preventing me from
announcing Teresa's blog-birth. I'm tossing this charming lady on the
blogroll immediately, where she will amuse and delight me every single
day.
No pressure, Teresa...
Oh, and to answer your question... it depends on how fast my hands are moving... *ahem*.
posted by Harvey at 7:31:48 PM permalink HOME
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© Copyright 2005 Harvey Olson.
Last update: 6/24/2005; 7:44:49 PM.
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MAIN ARCHIVES
CATEGORY ARCHIVES
GRAFFITI CURRENCY
200 WORDS OR LESS
FILTHY LIES
LOVE NOTES
PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR
KING OF THE BLOGS
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