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Friday, April 02, 2004

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

It only takes a second to say "I love you", but it will take a lifetime to show you how much.

posted by Harvey at 10:17:29 PM permalink Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback [] HOME

TODAY�S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

...And the number one way to tell if you're living in a crappy, third-world hell-hole of a country that's frequently plagued by famine is...

posted by Harvey at 10:15:55 PM permalink Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback [] HOME

MEANWHILE AT ALLIANCE HQ

Filthy Lie Round-up: wedgies, scary babies, tasty soft drinks, frightening phone calls, and another MISSION: IMPLAUSIBLE!

New Filthy Lie assignment: What will Evil Glenn be doing for Easter?

Link round-up entry info.

posted by Harvey at 9:56:43 PM permalink Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback [] HOME

GLENN'S APRIL FOOLS' DAY
(A FILTHY LIE)

So I was trying to get my blogging done last night when the phone rang...

Harv: Hello?

Voice: Hello. I'm calling from the hospital to tell you that your wife was killed in a horrible mangling car accident. We found her nose and ears, but the rest�

Harv: Oh. Hi, Glenn

Evil Glenn: April Foo... Wait... how did you know it was me?

Harv: You just called me 30 seconds ago with the same line.

Evil Glenn: Oh... must've hit redial by mistake. Well, since I've got you on the line, there IS something I wanted to talk to you about�

Harv: Yes?

Evil Glenn: The Blog War is really wearing me down. I want to surrender to the Alliance.

Harv: That's very French of you, but we've been down this road before and you didn't keep up your end of the bargain that time, so I know you can't be trusted. Besides, it's still April Fools' Day and I'm not letting you get me twice.

Evil Glenn: No, no, I assure you. I'm completely serious. No tricks.

Harv: How come you're not surrendering to Frank J.? He's the Fearless Leader of this cabal.

Evil Glenn: I tried, but he's not available. Remember when he posted that "In My World" where Chomps got killed?

Harv: Yeah...

Evil Glenn: Well apparently some people didn't appreciate his April Fools' Day gag. A bunch of his disgruntled fans stormed his house in protest. He's in the hospital now and the doctors are still trying to de-rectify the katana sheath.

Harv: Ow! That's gotta be uncomfy!

Evil Glenn: Heh. Indeed. But besides that, it's quite obvious that you're the REAL driving force in this organization. You've told more lies than Al Franken, Janeane Garafalo, and Michael Moore combined. You're like a blogospheric Air America.

Harv [grinning]: Yeah, I'm pretty despicable, ain't I?

Evil Glenn: A man after my own black heart. You're like a son to me.

Harv: Awwww�

Evil Glenn: A son of a bitch, but still�

Harv: Hey! Now just a minute!�

Evil Glenn: Another reason I can't hand Instapundit.com over Frank is that the changeover would be too obvious. I mean, look at IMAO: all that coffee-up-the-nose hilarity combined with witty insightfulness� The brain-dead zombies that read my crap would have seizures. Can you imagine going from "Indeed" to "If there's one thing I learned from history, it's that people from a long time ago were really, really stupid"? Exploding heads everywhere!

Harv: Hmmm� I see your point. And since everyone reads Instapundit, everyone would be dead, leaving me with one less reader.

Evil Glenn: Exactly. But with YOUR talentless hackery at the helm � transparent transition.

Harv: Brilliant!� Wait� Hey!

Evil Glenn: No time to waste. I need to you assume command of my dark kingdom.

Harv: I don't know� I don't think I'm evil enough. I only had ONE year of law school�

Evil Glenn: Feh. The only difference between a law school graduate and a law school dropout is the number of slutty co-eds they coaxed into bed with the line "I'm going to be a lawyer."

Harv: 37

Evil Glenn: 111. See?

Harv: Ok, so I'm marginally evil� but running an empire?�

Evil Glenn: I have faith in you, Harv. I think if you put your mind to it, you have the potential to be an Evil Blogospheric Overlord. Let's try something� Pretend you're the new Instapundit� imagine yourself sitting on a throne of blackest ice, your filthy talons caressing a keyboard�

Harv: Mmmm� pure evil�

Evil Glenn: Ok, now, tell me the truth� could you blend a puppy?

Harv: No! That's disgusting!

Evil Glenn: Not even a Yorkie?

Harv: � maybe a small one.

Evil Glenn: Good. Can you murder a hobo?

Harv: � is he French?

Evil Glenn: Well� he smells like it.

Harv: Consider him slitted neck to navel.

Evil Glenn: Worship Satan?

Harv: I DO admire Bill Gates�

Evil Glenn: It's a start. Robot Dancing?

Harv: I did The Hustle once in third grade.

Evil Glenn: Hmmm� maybe you're TOO evil� Anyway, praising commies?

Harv: NEVER!

Evil Glenn: Democrats?

Harv: Nope.

Evil Glenn: Hippies?

Harv: Well, I do have a lava lamp�

Evil Glenn: Perfect! Have you ever punched a blogger?

Harv: Kinda. When I was doing The Hustle, I tripped over my own feet and ended up jamming my elbow into some guy's eye socket, which made him scream "BLAAAAGH!"

Evil Glenn: Close enough. How do you feel about penguin porn?

Harv: Sorry. Strictly hetero. I mean, have you SEEN my wife?

Evil Glenn: Hmmm� not bad. Put a few feathers on her and�

Harv: Watch it�

Evil Glenn: Come on, there's gotta be something?

Harv: Let's see� penguins eat fish� fish are the symbol for the astrological sign Pisces� Taurus is an astrological sign� symbolized by a bull� and I DO know of one bull that's quite attractive�

Evil Glenn: That's a bit of a stretch, but I'll give it to you. So� there ya go. You're evil enough to be the new Instapundit. Now, just click on over to my site and I'll give you the keys to the kingdom.

Harv: Oh goody! I can't wait to start to oppressing the blogosphere! Hah. Hrmmm. Indubitably.

Evil Glenn: Now just type in the password as I give it to you.

Harv: Ah, the POWER!

Evil Glenn: A� P� R� I� L�

Harv: Ok, go on.

Evil Glenn: F� O� O� L

Harv: Ok� I hit enter, but nothing happened.

Evil Glenn: Uh� let me spell that to you again� A� P� R� I� L� F� O� O� L

Harv: Nope, still nothing.

Evil Glenn: You idiot! April Fool!

Harv: You're the idiot! That password doesn't work!

Evil Glenn: You� never mind. Look, you just keep working on it. I'm gonna go pop a Schnauzer in the Waring. Call me back once you figure it out� Dumbass.

[click]

So as soon as I get this password to work, Instapundit.com will FINALLY be under Alliance control. I'll let you know as soon as I crack his site.

A�P� R�

I� N� S� T� A� P� U� N� D� O� D� E� L� E� N� D� A� E� S� T� !

posted by Harvey at 8:26:20 PM permalink Crappy Broken Radio Comments (do not use) [] trackback [] HOME