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Monday, April 26, 2004
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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE
(Introduction)
You burned me with your brightness, like baby stars, and now I am forever branded with your love.
posted by Harvey at 11:01:36 PM permalink HOME
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI
CURRENCY
Contrary to popular belief, Bill Clinton was NOT America's first redneck President.
posted by Harvey at 10:59:49 PM permalink HOME
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MILLION TIMES FORWARDED E-MAIL
Dogs' letters to God:
*
Dear God,
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell
one another?
* Dear God,
When we get to heaven, can we sit
on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
* Dear God,
Why
are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the
stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a
cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename
the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?
* Dear God,
If a
dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad
dog?
* Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal
instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs,
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans
understand?
* Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti,
please.
* Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we
have to shake hands to get in?
* Dear God,
Are there mailmen
in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
* Dear God,
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be
a good dog:
- I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after
they throw it up.
- I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.,
just because I like the way they smell.
- I will not munch on
"leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
- The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
- The sofa is not a face
towel; neither are Mom's and Dad's laps.
- The garbage collector is not
stealing our stuff.
- My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
- I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
driver's license and registration.
- I will not play tug-of-war with
Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
- Sticking my nose into
someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying 'hello.'
- I do not
need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
- I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
- I will not throw up in the car.
- I will not come in from
outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
- I will not sit
in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
- The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes
that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
* Dear God,
May I
have my testicles back?
posted by Harvey at 9:26:52 PM permalink HOME
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PAY FOR IT
_Jon of We Swear links to some pictures from the Iraqi war zone. Some are visually striking, some are frighteningly graphic.
I looked at all of them.
Why?
Because I was in favor of this war. I banged the drums loudly to
encourage it to happen and argued fervently that it was necessary.
These pictures, as disturbing as they are, are part of the price paid
to pursue this course of action. I will not deny them. I will not
ignore them. If I want to go around saying "See?" when the Marines pull
down Saddam's statues, I have to be willing to own these events too.
But despite the high price being paid by some of the people pictured,
I'm still of the mind that the course America is following is
imperative, and that, in the long run, more lives will be saved than
lost.
I wish there were a bloodless course of action that would accomplish
the same thing, but there isn't, so I have to live with this. It
sickens me that this path was thrust upon us by ruthless Islamic
murderers who have no concept of a civilized way of life, but I will
not shrink from the road ahead. The primitive minds of the Middle East
MUST be dragged - kicking and screaming, if necessary into the 21st
century, where the currency of interpersonal relations is money and
persuasion, not terror and murder. This MUST end. They MUST lose. And
we MUST see it through until that happens.
And I will accept the price that must be paid as my responsibility.
posted by Harvey at 9:06:50 PM permalink HOME
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ACTIVITIES REQUIRING BEER
Some things in life are optional, like passing a semi on the right
while leaning out the window screaming, "you drive like my f******
grandma!"
Other things are mandatory, like drinking beer when engaged in certain activities. Johnny-Oh of Closet Extremist has a short list of beer-mandatory activities:
Bowling
Baseball
Pool
Fishing
Football
Hockey
Golf
Auto Racing
Poker....
Let him know if he missed any.
Like "in the driveway engine replacements" or "ogling stripper boobies".
posted by Harvey at 9:03:13 PM permalink HOME
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PAYING OFF
Jeevan, who, I assume is the poor schmuck pulling the night shift at Haloscan, was the first person to leave a comment on the new comment system.
Unfortunately, he left a corporate link instead of his blog link, so
it's probably not going to give him too much of a warm fuzzy.
Dana of Note-It Posts was #2, but she doesn't mind sloppy seconds.
Besides, she's a pretty girl with a nice rack, which gives me an excuse
to say something dirty, i.e. a reason to live. So let's look at the very first post in her archives:
 12 Partygoers Killed in Patio Collapse
I saw this report
on CNN, including similar porches in the area that were still standing.
How anyone could have reasonably expected "dozens" of people to safely
fit on that patio is beyond me, but maybe those plastic cups were
filled with more than punch. Hints have already been made at suing the
apartment owners (isn't that always the first response?), but I think
the survivors should face some kind of endangerment charges.
First, I'm surprised and impressed that she came out of the gate
running full speed. No "Look! I have a blog!" for America's #1 pin-up
girl. But I still find news story selection telling. Reading carefully
between the lines, we see:
"dozens of people... on... me... filled... more than... face"
Obviously Dana has some deeply repressed orgy fantasies. We'll have to see what we can do about that.
posted by Harvey at 8:28:13 PM permalink HOME
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BEST OF ME SYMPHONY
is up at The Owner's Manual. Lovely Simpsons theme with more Homer quotes than you can shake a stick at. Best of the lot, of course, was Frank J's interview with Condi Rice.
And I feel obligated to mention that The Smallest Minority's entry, with nominations for the 2008 Presidential administration was a steaming pile of crap that belonged in the Bonfire of the Vanities.
Nothing personal, just that I wasn't nominated as the Secretary of the Treasury, which is just plain bullshit. You people are BLIND!
No, I'm not bitter. Why do you ask?
posted by Harvey at 8:00:55 PM permalink HOME
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© Copyright 2005 Harvey Olson.
Last update: 9/10/2005; 5:04:23 PM.
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