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Tuesday, April 13, 2004
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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE
(Introduction)
Your lips speak soft sweetness,
Your touch a cool caress,
I am lost in your magic,
My heart beats within your chest.
posted by Harvey at 6:13:15 PM permalink HOME
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI
CURRENCY
Looking to ride the coattails of the wildly popular "State Quarters"
program, the Treasury instituted the "State Dollars" program. Here
we see Connecticut's design, celebrating its claim to fame as the
birthplace of Grandpa Munster.
[hat tip to Susie of Practical Penumbra for finding this one for me]
posted by Harvey at 6:11:39 PM permalink HOME
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TAGLINES FOR AIR AMERICA
(A PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR ASSIGNMENT)
The premise is simple. If Rush Limbaugh can have success on talk radio
as a right-wing commentator, then there MUST be a crying need for left-wing talk radio, too, right?
Not even close, but when you're a lefty, facts are just annoying things
to be clubbed over the head with your emotions like so many baby seals.
You just gotta wish hard enough, and you'll get what you want.
But in addition to happy wishes, if you're going to succeed in this
business, you need a witty tagline to succinctly capture your essence.
Rush has "Excellence in Broadcasting", Fox News has "Fair and
Balanced". Air America has...
well, looking at their web site... nothing.
That's just sad. Here... let me help:
Finally, a network to the left of CNN
More spin than a helicopter rotor.
Where unfunny hack comedians got to die.
Of the ignorant, by the ignorant, for the ignorant.
The place to go when you're just too damn lazy to think for yourself.
Proving that just because you wear glasses doesn't mean you have intelligence.
As good a place to end our careers as we can hope for.
Proud member of the Axis of Drivel.
Almost as unbiased as Dan Rather.
No, this is NOT just the DNC's way of dodging McCain-Feingold, why do you ask?
Because "bullshitconspiracytheories.com" was already taken.
Not affiliated with John Kerry for President. At least on paper. Thank God for the Shredmaster 3000.
The one who will finally bring balance to The Force in accordance with prophecy.
Think of us as the audio version of the Democratic Underground.
Because seven networks and five cable news channels bashing Bush 24 hours a day JUST ISN'T ENOUGH!
NPR for dummies.
Check it out - we've even got a black guy. In your face, Limbaugh!
Coming soon to a tinfoil hat near you.
Like Rush without the drug addiction or the common sense.
Because Al Franken's mouth is too freakishly wide to appear on television.
More flaming assholes than the Preparation-H test labs.
Winner of the Jayson Blair "Credibilty in Media" Award.
Nearly as accurate as an Arthur Andersen audit.
Don't worry, we promise to go away as soon as the election is over.
SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!
posted by Harvey at 6:02:25 PM permalink HOME
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HOBO PREVENTION WEEK
Jeff of BigStick.US is looking for a summer job. His qualifications:
- French Language Proficiency
- 2 years college
- Retail experience
- Cashier experience
- Good knowledge of computers
- Dishwasher/Busboy experience
- Rifle Instructor experience
- Good with small children
- Quick learner, hard worker.
and would like to work (in order of preference):
1. Pittsburgh, PA
2. Rochester, NY
3. Washington, DC
4. Wheeling, WV
5. Columbus, OH
6. Stuebenville, OH
7. State College, PA
8. Elsewhere
He's also good at drinking beer and making up funny stories about
Canadians and/or megabloggers. If there's anything you can do to help,
see the man.
Don't let him stay unemployed, because then he'll have to become a hobo, and we all know what happens to hobos around here...
posted by Harvey at 5:48:13 PM permalink HOME
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PLEASE DON'T
LeeAnn of The Cheese Stands alone says she wants to look like Meg Ryan
in "Addicted to Love". That's just crazy. LeeAnn is already plenty
gorgeous. Or so I imagine. I haven't seen many pictures of her that
weren't slathered in mime make-up.
But if, LeeAnn, you're determined to go completely Meg Ryan, do me a
favor and spend the $20 or whatever to get an ACTUAL hairstyle instead
of rubbing your fingers over your scalp for 30 seconds and calling it
good, as that woman apparently does.
I've never understood "crappy" as a deliberate hairstyle, although I've seen plenty of women who do it on purpose.
I'll bet their bitchy little friends tell them it's "cute" to their
faces and then, as soon as their backs are turned, start snickering and
going *cough*-hag-*cough*-skank-*cough*-bed head-*cough*
Women can be so catty like that.
posted by Harvey at 5:45:54 PM permalink HOME
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NO, IT DOESN'T
...get any nerdier than designing your own road so that you can ride your bicycle with square wheels.
No, that wasn't a typo. Or a series of them. That was just Vanderleun
of American Digest hanging out in the geeky corner of the
internet.
posted by Harvey at 5:39:57 PM permalink HOME
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© Copyright 2005 Harvey Olson.
Last update: 9/10/2005; 5:04:17 PM.
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