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Saturday, April 03, 2004
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LAGOMORPHS
Pam of Drowning at 2 Feet Sea Level is a bit befuddled on a particular topic, so I thought I'd lend her a virtual hand.
"I don't know what the heck a lagomorph is".
Actually Pam, a lot of people
don't, but the answer is quite simple. It comes from two Latin words:
"lag", meaning "behind", and "morph" meaning "to change into". So a
"lagomorph" is someone who "changes into a behind" or, more commonly,
someone who "becomes an ass". Specific examples include:
The NRA - for working hard to protect your right to keep and bear arms
while not doing jack shit about getting 20,000 unconstitutional gun
laws off the books.
The Libertarian Party - for being in favor of every right in the
constitution except the right of a nation to defend itself against
terrorists.
Frank J. of IMAO - for blogging about "Music to Whack Terrorists By" without giving a link to his own Alliance, which did a Precision Guided Humor Assignment on it MONTHS ago.
The Bartender of Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon - for taking a month off and leaving the rest of the blogosphere the responsibility of keeping the joint open by partying in his comments. Lazy bastard
Canada - for being right by our side in every major war, but getting a bad case of girly-man when it came to Iraq
France - technically, they've always been asses, so they're just "lags"
John Kerry - for constantly flip-flopping on important issues, which makes him a "lagomorphomorphomorph"
Matty O'Blackfive - for claiming to be an Irishman, yet sometimes going days without making an alcohol-related post.
Joey of Single White Male - for letting his "education" get in the way of his blogging, not to mention giving up his fight for his right to marry a sandwich.
Pam of Drowning at 2 Feet Sea Level - she has a nice ass, which makes her a "benelagomorph"
And finally, Harvey of Bad Money - he used to be such a nice guy, then he started insulting the people who actually bother to read his stupid pisshead blog. More accurately identified as a "dickomorph".
Hope that helps, Pam.
posted by Harvey at 12:12:44 PM permalink HOME
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FROM THE "MILLION TIMES FORWARDED E-MAIL" FILE
If you're like most people, common everyday items look inert to you but what
you may not know is that many of them have a gender.
For example:
1. Ziploc Bags -- Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
2. Copier -- Female, because once turned off, it
takes a while to warm up. It's an effective reproductive device if the right
buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3. Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over inflated.
4. Sponges -- Female, because they're soft and squeezable and retain
water.
5. Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because to get it to go anywhere
you have to light a fire under it . . . and, of course, there's the hot air
part.
6. Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.
7. Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
8. Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the
bottom.
9. Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't evolved much over the
last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
10. Remote Control
-- Female .. . Ha! You thought it'd be male. But consider -- it gives a man
pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the
right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
posted by Harvey at 11:26:22 AM permalink HOME
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© Copyright 2005 Harvey Olson.
Last update: 9/10/2005; 5:00:49 PM.
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