JOEY ASKS, I ANSWER

So, Joey of Single White Male wants to know why I wasn’t at the Filthy Lucre concert on December 6? (Dec 9, CTRL+F "filthy")

December 6, 2003, a day that will live in infamy.

The Cricket Pavillion in Phoenix was packed, people were beating each other up at the gates for the privilege of paying $500 for $20 tickets. The mood was wild and festive. Half-naked chicks flinging their bikini tops onto the stage was the order of the day.

Showtime… 7pm… the clock ticks… the hours passes… the crowd grows agitated.

By 7:30 pm, the grumblings started. By 7:35, they were chanting “FIL-THY LU-CRE! FIL-THY LUCRE!”, stomping and clapping, thinking the band was just playing a little joke.

Around 7:45, in desperation, the rest of the band came on stage to raucous cheers & applause. They hoped to make the best of a bad situation, meanwhile praying mightily that I might show up in the nick of time with my incomparable guitar stylings. No such luck.

Joey did the best he could. He must’ve spent at least fifteen minutes yelling “HELLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO PHOENIX!”, but he knew he’d have to launch into “Socialism Sucks” eventually, so he just went for it.

Unfortunately, he’d spent the last 2 hours drinking leftover beer out of any unattended half-empty cup he could find, so he was thoroughly wasted. The lyrics eluded him.

“I love my school… uh, it’s pretty cool…um… you look like a fool…(yeah, that’s it)… uh… my mom just bought a swimming pool… uh…”

Nobody’s sure who threw that first beer bottle, but it caught Joey right smack between the eyes and he hit the stage like a sack of wet laundry.

After that, all hell broke loose. Bottles flew like angry pigeons, and musicians were toppling like Saddam’s statues. Someone started a chair on fire, smoke rose into the night sky, soon people were trampling each other as they headed for the exits.

Chaos reigned. Satan laughed.

Fortunately, the automatic sprinkler system kicked on, and everyone lived the tell the tale of the night that Filthy Lucre f***** them over.

So… where was I?

Look. It’s a long drive from Wisconsin to Arizona. I stopped to ask directions.

Sorry about that, Joey.

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only… Nothing is more real than these great shocks which two souls give each other in exchanging this spark.

TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY



Look! It's the ghost of a chance that the Democrats don't stand in 2004!

KING OF THE BLOGS ROUND 1 IS OVER...

And the 3 finalists are:

Tuning Spork of Blather Review

Bryan of Clarity amidst Chaos

The Mystery Monkey of Vigilance Matters

Sorry, Pylorns, I guess you should've been more uppity. I tried.

The judges' opinions are here. If nothing else, go read mine for the entertainment value. Damn I'm funny.

BARTENDER! ANOTHER ROUND!

The eminent mixologist of the Alliance has a lovely series going called the 86 Rules of Boozing. I suspect it was written by Matty O'Blackfive back before his ascension to Spritist deity, but I can't be sure. Meanwhile, here's a few samples:

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When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.

Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

*********

1-10

11-20

21-30

Oh, and #30 applies equally well to blogging, so no more complaints from the free drinkers in the audience.

Not that anyone ever complains, except the Bartender, who's kind of a dick, anyway.

BYE-BYE

GEBIV of There's One, Only, found a question on Citizen Smash:

If one state had to leave the Union, which one would you miss the least?

Gotta be Texas.

Why? Because of all the states in the Union, Texas is the one I would most trust to set up an independant nation that would respect individual rights. So, if America ever went straight to hell in a Democratic handbasket, I could move to Texas & live like a human being.

By the way, GEBIV is complaining that, although he finally hit the 100 visitor mark, he never gets any comments. Go tell him what a nice shade of green his blog is.

If for no other reason, you gotta love his site for being on Blogspot & having working permalinks.

WHAT THE EMPEROR SAID

Ok, it's not so much what the Emperor said, as it is the quote he pulled:

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If this Supreme Court ruling is not completely disregarded by the press -- if it is not the explicit subject of an overwhelming campaign of civil disobedience -- the word "freedom" will have lost all meaning for Americans.

A man is not free because he's permitted to vote for his political masters. The subjects of the late, unlamented Soviet Union enjoyed that "right." So did the subjects of Saddam Hussein.

A man is not free because some portion of his earnings is still his to spend on a variety of attractive goods. Not if the government can punish him for choosing goods it has not approved.

A man is not free because the long arm of the law has not yet descended on his neck. That's more properly called a stay of execution.

A man is free if, and only if, he has the unchallenged right to do as he damned well pleases with his life, his property, and with any other responsible, consenting adult, provided only that he respects the equal freedom of all other men. That clearly includes the right to buy space for a political ad from any newspaper or broadcast organ willing to sell it to him.

*********

This man is right. So if anyone knows where I can spend my money to help buy a criminal political ad next year, drop me a line. I'm in.

I'm breaking this law. It's a piece of shit.

HANNUKAH

I'm "none of the above", religion-wise, but people still wish me a "Merry Christmas" now and again. It doesn't offend me, because I look at the meaning behind the words instead of the form of their expression. Someone is saying that Christmas makes them very happy, and they wish a similar happiness to me. It's not a big deal, it's just a thoughtful courteous gesture.

But I hate being wished "Happy Holidays". The message there is "I don't want to offend you", not "I wish you joy". Which, frankly, I find offensive, because I'm not at all thin-skinned, and I resent the assumption that I am.

All that aside, I do have one Christmas wish that's never been fulfilled. I would like for a practicing Jew to wish me Happy Hannukah. Not because he thinks I'm Jewish, but because the holiday makes him happy, and he wishes a similar happiness for me.

In that spirit, I'd like to wish all my family, friends, readers, and confused passers-by a Happy Snowy-Cold-Day-Off-From-Work!

UPDATE 5PM: As amusing as I find the phrase "Merpy Chriskwanzukkah" (and, God help me, I just might use it at the bank if someone annoys me enough), I'm still waiting for a nice, sincere, Jewish "Happy Hannukah".

Jeez, Barkeep, don't you know any nice Jewish girls you can send my way to give a lonely boy a friendly greeting?

FOR LYNN

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YES!

Saddam Hussein captured.

Screw the old media. The breaking news will be blogged at the Command Post.

By the way, did anyone else notice how sad Dan Rather looks. Makes me just want to punch him.

Shepard Smith of Fox News, on the other hand, was postively GLOWING. Bless that man.

SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!

SUSIE'S IN A RED LEATHER TEDDY, CRACKING A WHIP...

... to try to encourage Alliance members to vote. Meanwhile, Matty O'Blackfive is standing there with a video camera yelling "Submit! Submit! Submit!"

Why join the Alliance? Free B&D.

Anyway, send a link to you best 2+ month-old post to Snooze Button Dreams "Bestofme Symphony" then go vote in the New Blog Showcase, and check your blog-buddies (2 blogs listed above you and 2 blogs listed below you on the Alliance HQ blogroll) to make sure that they voted. And it wouldn't hurt to click their vote links when you visit to make sure they work.

Meanwhile, in other Alliance news:

The "Last Comment" Filthy Lie Round-up has been posted. This time I think the prize goes to CD of Semi-Intelligent Thoughts who got into a ROTFLMAO groove with his answer.

New Filthy Lie Assignment: What secret project is Evil Glenn working on?

And, for the record, I don't know why Susie, thinks I would take it the wrong way when she mentioned Hostess Twinkies. Might have something to do with me telling her that I'd like to put some cream filling in her sponge cake that one time...

Nah.

But honestly, do I REALLY have THAT big of a reputation for being the uber-kinkmeister now?

NOT OVER 'TILL IT'S OVER

In a very personal post, Trey Givens relates the story of how one of his closest personal relationships came to an end. It's well-told, sad, yet instructive, and it made me think about how the commitment of marriage makes a difference in a relationship.

My Beloved Wife and I have had our share of, shall we say, "enthusiastically opinionated discussions", but when it's all said & done, we're still together and we're still in love.

Had we not been married, though, there's a good chance that one or both of us would've called it quits over one issue or another instead of working through it. The difference is that, because we're married, we have a commitment to staying together - period. Quitting isn't an option. With that to guide us, our only option becomes discussing the matter until we find a solution, no matter how long it takes, and no matter how uncomfortable the process is.

Over the years, I've found that most relationship issues boil down to "the way you're acting doesn't make me feel like you love me as much as I think you should." The trouble is that, in the discussion, it usually comes out as "you're doing something wrong - stop it!" Which leads to stubborn debates of "no, I won't" vs. "yes, you will".

The latter discussion only leads to an unsolvable impasse. The trick to maintaining the relationship in good order is to reframe the problem in terms of the real underlying "I don't feel loved" issue. From there, a solution is easier to discover, usually in the form of "I'm not willing to change the particular thing I do that you don't like, but I am willing to do something else to make you feel more loved. How about this instead...?"

Once the solution is implemented, the overall love quotient rises sufficiently to make the original problem fade to relative insignificance.

I'm not saying this is easy. Far from it. Strong emotions have to be set aside in the process, which is exceedingly difficult. I'm just saying that the price is worth the prize.

In Trey's case, I don't know that it would work, anymore. There are certain lines that should never be crossed because they do irreparable damage. When you actually come out and say, in so many words, "I want our relationship to end" or "I want a divorce", that's not something you can talk your way out of later. Personally, I will never use the "D" word in an argument, because I would never hurt the woman I will be spending the rest of my life with like that. I'll stick to lower-level hurtings like screaming and slamming doors. Those you can just pass off as "heat of the moment", and they're easy enough to get over when everyone's calmed down.

But threaten to break the one promise that gives our love strength, depth & meaning?

NEVER.