TODAY’S LOVE NOTE

(Introduction)

A Beautiful Marriage Vow

“As I stand here today with the world as my witness,

I pledge to you my undying and everlasting love.

I will stand beside you as your partner,

I will stand before you as your protector,

And I will stand behind you as your solace.

Please spend and end your life with me.”

TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY



Translation of Arabic at left: Please enter this bill at www.wheressaddam.com

(thanks to hM of homicidalManiak for the pic)

A MAN'S CHRISTMAS LIST

Naturally, every man would prefer a pair of these, but if those are unavailable (say, because of a lack of an exciter lamp), most men would be perfectly happy with something from this list at Sanity's Edge (via Matty O'Blackfive). And I can't stress enough the rightness of this observation:

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Men like toys. Electronic toys are best. Plasma TVs and Home Theater Systems are the best choices.

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But even Electronic Football will keep the XY in your life thrilled for hours.

SADDAM SAYS:

IT’S FUN TO STAY AT THE Y-M-C-A!

Via Boots & Sabers, I found this company that makes action figures.

No, sorry, they don't have these kind.

But they do have a cute little outfit for Saddam.

You can even have a doll customized to have your face, if you want. Be sure to scroll down to look at some of the models they already have. Some of those pics are priceless. I especially like W & the Iraqi Information Minister.

WHY DIDN'T I HAVE ONE OF THESE WHEN I STUDIED ACCOUNTING?

Via the Bonfire, I found a post at Snooze Button Dreams which did NOT suck (hey Jim, can I borrow your calculator for a minute?).

Requires Flash. The picture is relatively work safe, but don't push any buttons if there are prudes in the room.

Oh, and don't push the 0 if you're insecure about your manhood.

I'M CALLING MY CABLE COMPANY...

...because Frizzen Sparks is introducing the best line-up of TV shows I've never seen:

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6:00- "Laura the Crackwhora", Dora the Explorer has a cousin in Mexico City, Laura. Laura has to navigate her way through the badlands with her companions, Heels the transvestite monkey, Stashbag, and Tubey the crackpipe. But look out for Striper the pimp. Whenever you hear Striper coming (with the sound: "Bitch better have my money!") Yell "Striper NO STRIPING!" before he stripes Laura's ass with a broken car antenna.

6:30 AM- "International Sesame Street", The new HIV positive muppets get thinner and lose fur.

7:00 AM- "Special news report: Contributions of Islam to modern society."

7:00:05 AM- "Peer into the past: History revealed." This weeks episode, the history of England: The complete bastard era (400 AD- 1937 AD)

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And that's just the morning line-up. Click through to see what's on afternoon, evening, and late night. Talk about Must-See TV!

mmmm... Evil Psychotic Vampire Willow lesbian threesome...

JOEY'S A DORK!

Trey shows how to do a whole-blog review by giving a little man-on-man linky-love to Single White Male. First, list the good points:

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He's pretty funny in that dorky way that I like sometimes.

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Then offer some helpful criticism:

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PARAGRAPH BREAKS, MAN! Perhaps I'm a bit liberal with my use of paragraph breaks, but reading on the internet is hard. Long paragraphs make readers go cross-eyed.

Freakin' HUGE pictures. I'm on dial-up. I know that's kind of my own personal problem, but I don't like big pictures on web pages even when I'm at work on the T1.

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Hmmm... a little heavy on the criticism. Apparently Trey missed the freakin' HUGE picture of Joey pointing a shotgun (9/22 CTRL+F "two hands").

Remember folks, if you're goin' to a gunfight, bring a Mossberg instead of CAPITAL LETTERS!

POETRY CORNER

Owen of Boots & Sabers posted one of those "forwarded a million times" e-mails. This one is a lovely poem that supports our troops. Here's a sample:

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I can carry the weight of killing another
or lay down my life with my sisters and brothers

who stand at the front against any and all,
to ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."

"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?

It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget

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Even a grumbly old curmudgeon like me got teary-eyed. Kleenex Alert.

DR TREY ANSWERS

Trey Givens, budding advice columnist, got his first dilemma:

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His answer was by turns practical and amusing. Personally, I'm still leaning toward Commie Hat enema, but sound advice, nevertheless. Here's the first part:

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So if you've got a problem, or you just want to make commies & hippies cry, send your quandry to: advice AT treygivens DOT com.

YES IT DOES (OW!)

The judge's challenge in this week's King of the Blogs tournament was:

Your significant female other asks you, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

How do you respond? Details a Must.

All the answers were excellent, and the results of the tournament should be posted shortly.

Meanwhile, my blogless Beloved Wife answered the question in my comments, and I think it deserves more exposure:

Of course not, but you look much better without the dress on at all

Which is my standard response ;-)

WHERE WAS THE BARTENDER?

That's the mystery that's haunted the blogosphere for the last week. Sure, the Bartender offers some pathetic excuse about "being out of town", but I suspect that may be a euphemism for "got my pants stolen while I was passed out in a Tijuana whorehouse". I think his post title tends to support that theory.

However, Darren of Colorado Conservative has another theory. It not only makes sense, given the good Bartender's drinking habits, it also explains that little Latvian mystery I had a while back.

HANGING OR PRISON?

Owen of Boots & Sabers talks about whether it'd be worth it to take the death penalty off the table for Saddam in exchange for the locations of the WMD.

I'm conflicted on this. I understand how helpful it would be to get the WMD under the control of the Coalition forces. There's a big safety concern.

However, I think I have to come down slightly in favor of the need for Saddam to die. Photodude does an excellent job of reviewing what Saddam did during his tenure as dictator and some Iraqi reactions to his capture, and Saddam's continued wasting of oxygen is a very sore spot with them. Our larger goal in Iraq is to build an island of democratic freedom in the Middle East, and Saddam's death would provide a level of closure for the Iraqis that would greatly assist them in moving on. Saddam in prison would leave a nagging loose end.

Having said that, I'll also say that the safety issue is HUGE, so I wouldn't be particularly upset if Saddam got his plea bargain. And it's not like like the Democrats won't find a negative spin no matter which way the decision goes. Ideally, we'll torture the WMD's out of him and THEN kill him.

HEH. INDEED.

Either the Puppy Blender wants to re-live the challenge of clawing his way up the Ecosystem again, or there's a new blog in town. Dana of Note-It Posts points to a newbie with an interesting take on the War On Terrorism.

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You've heard of the "third rail of American politics," which is widely considered to be Social Security. Straightening that out will require a President, perhaps second term with less to lose, and some legislators with previously unexercised courageous profiles. Otherwise there will be a serious crash or generational clash after a while. This post is not about the third rail that will electrocute your political career if touched, keeping it insular from action. This post posits the war on terrorists as the "toe pick of American politics."

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Ok, part of the reason that I like this is that "The Cutting Edge" is one of my favorite movies, and the "toe pick" scene inevitably makes me giggle.

Anyway, Heh is off to a good start. All it needs now is to add an "about me" post and to enable comments. I recommend Haloscan.

BETTER THE SECOND TIME AROUND

Dan of Dan K. O'Leary's blog entered the New Blog Showcase with his entry that takes a well-deserved swipe at Howard Dean. Now that the trolls have gathered in the comments to drip slime everywhere, he's posted a follow-up which is even better. More passion, more fire, and more quotable.

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You know what else I love, you look back in history for justification in condemning the current president and his policies. In all my studies, I have never seen a clearer case of ethnocentrism. Comparing our COLD WAR support of " friendly dictators" and the WW2 era policies of private enterprises is like comparing apples to rancid feces. We are in a new world of political interaction and world warfare. Noam Chomsky didn't really plan on having airliners slam into our skyscrapers now did he? Where was your savior, the United Nations then? Where were our " allies" when we needed them? We have paid the price of sheepish inaction for long enough.

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Definitely worth a read.

OK I ADMIT IT

Dennis Kucinich isn't a crap weasel.

He's actually Gollum with a bad toupee.

(Drink Alert in effect)

NEW BLOG SHOWCASE, ROUND 2

I'm a little disappointed. I tried voting in the showcase Friday, figuring it would allow me to relax a little for the weekend.

No dice.

I tried using the Bear's patented cut & paste voting code, but for some reason my vote didn't get picked up. So I'll try doing it the old fashioned way:

This one, this one, and this one.

See this post for why I picked 'em. I REALLY hope this works.

ROTISSERIE OF THE VANITIES

Kevin of Wizbang, minguided minion of the Puppy Blender, host of the Bonfire of the Vanities, and all around great guy, has announced that after 2 more episodes at his place, the Bonfire will be hosted on a rotating basis. If you've got some time and a thirst for attention, stop by and drop your name in the hat to host the now-travelling freak show.

Fame, fortune, averted gazes, and social pariah status can be yours for the asking.