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Tuesday, December 30, 2003
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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE
(Introduction)
The Angel That Stands By Me
Dreams of love, so beautiful,
Fairies dancing by the sea...
The moon shining in the heavens,
And an angel standing by me!
And when the morning sun breaks,
Butterflies flutter by...
Bees that kiss the blossoms,
Cottony clouds in the sky!
Oh, what a lovely scenario,
Lovelier, it could not be...
And all the more perfect,
With the angel that stands by me!
For you were always by my side,
For more I could never ask...
And long ago, Heaven sent you to me,
And in soft sunshine, I always bask!
For never could I ask for more,
Than the glories I always see...
All these wonderful gifts are mine,
With the angel that stands by me!
posted by Harvey at 10:05:09 PM permalink HOME
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI
CURRENCY
[This dollar is only for Rebecca Stevens. Becky lives in Alsip, IL (Chicagoland Area) - From Larry D. Hoogstraten]
Although Rebecca thought the dollar was a sweet & thoughtful gift,
she decided to buy the lottery ticket for 2 reasons. First, she was
having another one of her "really strong lucky hunches", and second, if
she didn't do something to break his fool heart soon, she could end up
as Rebecca Hoogstraten, doomed to a lifetime "how do you spell your
last name?"
"UGH!", she thought. "One Loot Pursuit, please," she said to the pimply-faced counter-boy, "and HURRY!"
posted by Harvey at 9:58:20 PM permalink HOME
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SADDAM'S CONFESSION
Saddam has intelligence. Not in the sense of being smart enough not to thumb his nose at the US, but rather
he knows where certain things are. The Alliance is asking for methods of information extraction, so I will oblige.
There's always the classics, such as drugs, sleep deprivation,
starvation, sensory overload and the like, but he may prove resistant
to such persuasion. There are sterner options available:
Play "this little piggy" with a hammer. It may not have worked in "Payback", but then again, Saddam is no Mel Gibson.
Sea urchin enema
Strap a thermometer to his willy & have him check the temp on the McDonalds fry oil
Oops! Looks like Saddam got his
tie caught in the industrial paper shredder. Sure hope nobody accidentally disabled the "reverse" button.
Ipecac coladas
Steak-umm underwear and a hungry Rottweiler
Scorpion bath
Or maybe we should just get him a new job:
No-hands barnyard masturbator
Cameraman for the new movie, "Lesbo Love Fest", starring Janet Reno and Helen Thomas
San Francisco bathhouse glory-hole sanitizer. Don't forget the buttless red leather chaps uniform
for this one.
Maybe checking Sigfried & Roy's tigers for colon polyps?
Septic tank inspector. Remember to pump the tank before sending him in. Or not.
Crash test dummy
I hear the Mayo Clinic has an opening for a colostomy-bag-emptier
Or maybe we can just send him on vacation:
To a furvert convention in a panda constume
To South Central LA. After midnight. With a pocket full of $100's. Wearing a "F*** Jesse
Jackson" T-shirt
On second thought, screw it. Brass knuckles & razor blades. Either he spills his guts, or we do.
SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!
posted by Harvey at 6:45:30 PM permalink HOME
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© Copyright 2005 Harvey Olson.
Last update: 6/24/2005; 7:39:12 PM.
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